A Void of No Return in My Marriage

by ANNA BEATRICE
(MALAYSIA)

A Void of No Return in My Marriage: I am a 43 year old catholic lady with so many problems. My marriage is in trouble. My children who were home schooled earlier are now stuck in the house with me not by their choice,but to my sheer terror. I am marooned in my way of thinking and living and governed by sheer fear. When my kids were young SARS was a terror and I patted my self in the back because my kids were at home and I never turned back. I am terrified of leaving the house for anything with my kids.I can go but I am afraid for them to go OUT. My fear is they will contract some disease.my daughter is 19 and son is 17.I pray but inside of me is a monster that controls me .Born a catholic but now it's been 2 years since I went to church.I believe in the christian way of life and disagree on a lot of the catholic ways,but I don't go to church because I have to be with people in an air-cond room. That itself terrorizes me. Breathing in the same air will be possible for contracting illness of any kind.I wasn't this way my whole life but it was a gradual built up of a belief here and a belief there. That God doesn't want Anna to be happy and have things or joy. Every time when bad happens that's when I would have just enjoyed or laugh heartily and was truly content. BAM this pain pursues later. My words are I AM INSIGNIFICANT AND UNIMPORTANT.So anything bad that might happen will and can happen to me.My husband has been going along this path with me and I have taken so much from him emotionally.And now our relationship is barely there.it has worn out,stressed out.I feel squeezed out daily with what i did to him and my children.My husband hasn't crossed the line neither have I but I live a life cut off from reality and the world. My thoughts are twisted and scary. I think I am going insane with my FEAR over everything.I AM CHOKING THE LIFE OUT OF MY MARRIAGE AND MY CHILDREN.PLEASE HELP ME