Can we fix our Christian marriage while being separated?

by Indy
(Massachusetts)

Question: Can we fix our Christian marriage while being separated? We have been separated for four months. We started going to counseling with the Pastor of our church. I thought she would guide us in a different direction. However, she told us that it is better if we stay separated and work on ourselves. How can we fix our marriage if we are living under separate roofs? How do we fix the issues that we had as a couple if he isnt home? All this is doing creating more distance between us. I need my husband to come home, so that we can work on our marriage togeher. If God created marriage in his image with the church, and you cant fix your relationship with him, by being away from him, then there is no way that you can fix a marriage being separated. I don't know what to do. He wont come home, cause now he says the Pastor told him not to.


Answer: Hi Indy. It seems very odd to us that your pastor would suggest the two of you remain separated. First of all, we are not big proponents of separation accept in extreme cases. Separation gives the enemy an opportunity to come in and cause even more damage. He does this by tempting one or both persons with adultery, or causing one person to become comfortable with the new living arrangements.

We say, if both you and your husband are ready to work on the marriage, then we believe it is best to do so under the same roof (unless one of you is physically violent or addicted to drugs). If you are not comfortable with your pastors advice, then perhaps you should pray about changing counselors. You are not obligated to receive counseling from your church. If you have health insurance, you should also be able to locate a counselor via your place of employment.

In the mean time, another resource you may find helpful is our book, The Prodigal Spouse. In it you will find step by step guidelines for how to handle your marriage separation in a way that doesn't place further distance between the two of you. Hopefully we have said something to help you. Stay encouraged.


We will be praying for your situation.


With Christ's Love,
Mike and Wanda