Pre Marriage Q & A

Our answers to pre marital questions sent in by our site visitors.

Unequally Yoked Dating

Posted by on Mar 26, 2015 in Pre Marriage Q & A | Comments Off on Unequally Yoked Dating

Pre Marital Question: Unequally Yoked Dating   Posted by: Brenda Hawkins (Midland, Tx)   Question:  I need prayer for this relationship to either stay in it or leave, it’s not getting better, we are different in a lot of ways. I go to church and he don’t want to go he’s into the worldly things and I’m into the things of God. Please tell me what I need to do, I pray daily. Answer: Our dear sister, what appears to be a dilemma for you, really is not a dilemma at all. You see, the Bible warns us not to be unequally yoked. Your description of your relationship makes it clear that your fiance’ is not born again. Based on the Word of God, we do not recommend any Christian proceed with marrying someone who does not have a committed and personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ.  You can read more about the dangers of being unequally yoked here. Peace and Blessings, Michael and...

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Unsure about Getting Married

Posted by on Mar 26, 2015 in Pre Marriage Q & A | Comments Off on Unsure about Getting Married

Pre Marriage Question: Unsure About Getting Married   Question: Unsure about Getting Married. I am so unsure if I should marry my fiance P or not. We met 4 years ago through our sport – which we still do together. We had a long distance relationship until a couple of months ago when we moved in together after P moved cities. The long distance relationship was really good. We saw each other on weekends and spent most of our time at my home with each other.  Now that we have moved in together things are far more complicated. We don’t seem to see eye to eye regarding the following: – we have different ideas on how to spend our free time – I want to explore our new city and make new friends but P wants to stay home. – I have a keen interest in life and developing my skills and knowledge but P wants to stay home with me. – P is not supportive or very interested in my daughter’s life but says he does love her. – P is not earning enough to support us and we are splitting all bills. – P finds it hard to talk about issues and work through problems. My confusion stems from this: – we love each other but seem to be fighting all the time. – through prayer God has told me that I must marry him… I know that I must not doubt but I do. I am not sure what to do. Is this a test of my faith? Do I marry him to learn to be patient, accepting and understanding. I am confused and unsure as how to move proceed. I pray about it every day but don’t get any guidance. HELP. Answer: Hello, thank you for visiting our website. First we want to tell you that it is unlikely that God is telling you that you “MUST” marry this person. God has given all of us free will. That means it’s up to us to choose what to do.  Secondly, think about this: Why would God tell you that you “MUST” marry P, but not tell you that you “MUST” stop fornicating and living together? Think about that.  No offense, but it’s not likely you were hearing from God. You say you’ve been praying but not getting any guidance. Well, God speaks in many ways. One of the ways He speaks to us is through circumstances. That’s right, sometimes it’s as simple as looking at the circumstances. In your case, you have many concerns about P. You feel in your gut that marrying him would be a mistake. Well, considering the circumstances, we would say don’t proceed. But instead follow your gut. Also, we must tell you that living together is not acceptable. If you want God’s blessings upon your life and marriage, then you must follow Godly principles. Living together and fornicating is not pleasing to God. Perhaps this is the reason why your relationship is going sour. After all, you did say things got bad after the two of you moved in together. Begin to focus your attention on Christ. Rededicate your lives to Him. And follow his principles in all that you do. Again, thanks for visiting our site. May the Lord bless you. With Christ’s Love, Michael and...

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Should I Get Married Now

Posted by on Mar 26, 2015 in Pre Marriage Q & A | Comments Off on Should I Get Married Now

Pre Marriage Questions: Should I Get Married Now?     Posted by: Rhonda (Chandler Az) Question: Should I get married now? Hello my name is Rhonda and I am a non denominational Christian. I am dealing with the issue of should I commit my self to marriage to my non Christian fiance. I thought we could work through the fact that he is a non Christian but the more I learn the more I experiences with him I am so torn. I love him I know he loves me. I see it feel it he shows it daily. We keep having the same issues pop up.. I have a Christian heart. I think of others I try to find the best in every situation. We are called to do that I believe I fine joy in helping people and helping them feel good, safe, secure and vital to this world and my life. Tonight we got in to a disagreement again with something very close to my heart and that’s family. His daughter who is 19 and in school. Is going through some difficult times. An ex-girlfriend of her fathers called her and told her she had a brother and that her dad , my fiance’, doesn’t want to acknowledge or even take the time to see if it is his child. He just says it couldn’t be. I just found all this out tonight. I don’t know how old the child is I just know that he is grown. He told me tonight about the child and about what he was going to do with (name removed). He is going to tell her to either stop putting him second place against everyone in life or he is going to stop providing her with medical and a phone. I told him my thoughts on how that goes against everything I believe in and he just said I cant help it that you want to hand everything to people.. what do I get out of giving her these things. It hurts so bad to think that I have given my heart and self to someone who hates and hurts so. I know that his not knowing the love of Christ is the reasoning behind his actions. I don’t know what to do. I love him and I have given my self to him in commitment. I hate to use But.. but I don’t know if I can or should go through with our marriage in October. Thank you for any Biblical input you can offer. May God the Father and Christ our Savior be with you as you read and respond to my question. Answer: Hello Rhonda, we pray you are well. Thank you for sharing your concerns with us. While we understand your frustration over the recent argument, the argument was merely a symptom of a bigger problem. You see, the Bible instructs us as Christians not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers: In 2 Corinthians 6:14 Paul says this, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” It’s obvious you sincerely love him, but as you know, it is far better to follow God instructions. Rhonda, we wish we could tell you that you’re over reacting and that marrying this man is the best thing to do. But God is holding us accountable for every bit of advice we give. Therefore, we stick to what the Word of God says. So my friend, trust God and allow His PERFECT will to be done in...

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Should I Marry Someone with Debt?

Posted by on Mar 26, 2015 in Pre Marriage Q & A | Comments Off on Should I Marry Someone with Debt?

Posted by: Diane Question: Should I marry someone with debt? My boyfriend and I have been dating about a year and a half and are thinking of getting engaged very soon. We have both been Christians for a long time and we are both 28 years old. We do not live together and we attend the same church. He’s a great guy with many wonderful qualities, but he has a lot of debt from some irresponsible financial decisions. He does not have a good job right now and feels lost in regards to what he should do for a career. He talks a lot about finding another job that pays better but he does not seem motivated and has not actually taken any steps toward finding something. He has run out of money a couple times since we’ve been dating and has had to borrow some from me. Again, he has wonderful qualities and loves God, but is very weak in the area of finances. I am very concerned about marrying someone with these financial issues. I don’t care about having nice things, but I do want to feel provided for and thinking about taking on all that debt (I have none) almost makes me feel sick to my stomach. I know that if we get engaged we will need extensive pre-marital counseling, but I don’t want to ask him to go to counseling about money before we are engaged and I don’t want to get engaged because I’m so worried about financial issues. We have talked about this several times, but I am very careful because I know men are sometimes just as sensitive about this topic as women are about how we look or feel. He gets pretty defensive and I feel guilty for even having brought it up. Are there any Biblical principles that I can use to help me make a decision? Answer: Hi Diane, our advice is that you follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. If your spirit is uneasy about his debt, and his lack of motivation, then you should not dismiss how you feel. Furthermore, while it is true that men are usually sensitive about such things, this is something that can’t be swept under the rug. All of your concerns are valid and need addressing. After all, how can you even consider marrying someone that you can’t be open and honest with. How he responds is based on his level of maturity but should not negate whether or not the two of you have the conversation. So, start with being completely honest. But make sure when you talk to him you talk to him from the stand point of “us vs. the problem”, rather than “you against him.” Furthermore, don’t just focus on the problem, share your ideas for solution. Like perhaps the two of you can commit to taking a class about finances, or reading some books. Dave Ramsey has excellent books you can learn a lot from. Whatever you do, make sure this is addressed prior to marriage. Finances are one of the top reasons couples cite for divorcing. Remain prayerful. Listen to the Holy Spirit. And don’t rush things. Thank you for visiting our site. We will be praying for you. With Christ’s Love, Michael and Wanda End of Should I Marry Someone with...

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Romance in Christian Marriage

Posted by on Mar 26, 2015 in Pre Marriage Q & A | Comments Off on Romance in Christian Marriage

Pre Marriage Question: Romance in Christian Marriage     Posted by: Diana (Lafayette, LA) Question: How important is romance in christian marriage? Just some background info: My name is Diana and I’m 29. This will be my first marriage. My fiance’s name is C. He’s 30 and this will be his second marriage once we get married. I reconnected with my now fiance last summer. We got engaged in May of this year after 8 months of dating. He has been married before but the marriage didn’t last long (8 months). His wife left him after passing the bar. Our engagement has actually been his third, including his first wife. I’m having a hard time feeling special because of this. I’ve also found myself complaining a lot on the romance in our relationship. We’ve only been together about 10 months and already I feel like it’s sizzled. I’ve been told that the chemistry and passion fades about 6-18 months after marriage anyway, so should this be a concern of mine? This is pretty much my only concern. He’s a pretty amazing guy besides that. I’ve told him that I’m concerned about feeling like his “roommate” once we get married. How important is chemistry and passion in a marriage? Any advice?   Romance in Christian Marriage Answer: Hello Diana. We can certainly understand your concern. The first thing we would like to say is that the two of you absolutely must get pre-marital counseling before the wedding. The fact that your fiance’ has been engaged three times and his last marriage only lasted 8 months is not something that should be glossed over or swept under the rug. Pre marriage counseling will educate both of you on how Christian marriage should function and what you can expect. Good counseling will also uncover any hidden issues that need to be resolved. If you are members of a church, you should be able to get pastoral counseling.  However, we must warn you that pastoral counseling is not always sufficient for engaged couples.  It’s usually not long enough and often times is too superficial.  So, if your church does not offer an in depth premarital program that lasts no less than 6 weeks and covers several topics, we suggest you seek out a professional Christian counselor. Next, in regards to romance in marriage you said, “I’ve been told that the chemistry and passion fades about 6-18 months after marriage anyway, so should this be a concern of mine?” Diana, romance in marriage is not automatic. Romance is something couples have to be intentional about and the truth is it gets difficult when you have kids, bills, a job, and other responsibilities. That doesn’t mean couples should just resolve to have passionless marriages.  Like we said, it will take a joint effort from the two of you.  If there is no effort than it’s likely the passion will fizzle quickly.  The same is true if you come into marriage with unreasonable expectations. Unreasonable expectations and demands can kill chemistry and passion just as quickly.  So just remember, your life is not a romance novel or a soap opera where passion comes effortlessly — it takes work 🙂 Finally, we are assuming the two of you have already accepted Christ as your personal Savior.  If you haven’t or need to rededicate your lives, now is a good time to do that.  Begin to pray to God for His will and direction concerning whether the two of you should get married.  If after prayer and counseling you feel ambivalent, then listen to your gut (trust what...

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Pre marriage Advice Saving Myself for Marriage

Posted by on Mar 26, 2015 in Pre Marriage Q & A | Comments Off on Pre marriage Advice Saving Myself for Marriage

Pre Marriage Question Question: Pre marriage Advice Saving Myself for Christian Marriage. I am not quite yet engaged, but it is coming very close to it… My boyfriend and I met at Bible College where we started dating. After awhile of dating we talked about past physical relationships that we have had where I found out that he is not a virgin.  It kind of broke my heart a bit because I have been saving myself for marriage and always dreamed of my husband doing the same.  But after lots of prayer and counsel I have decided to see him how God sees him as pure and clean, made new through Christ.  But I still struggle sometimes with thinking that when we do get married, will I be thinking on my wedding night about how I compare to the other girls he has slept with.. How do I make sure that I have truly forgiven him for everything that has happened in his past? What can we do to make me feel comfortable with knowing that I have no idea what I am doing and he already knows what he likes.. Answer: Hello. Thank you for visiting our website. We will do our best to answer your question. You asked, “How do I make sure that I have truly forgiven him for everything that has happened in his past? What can we do to make me feel comfortable with knowing that I have no idea what I am doing and he already knows what he likes..” First, it is our opinion that there is nothing that you need to forgive him for. He did not know you at that time. Therefore, he did not sin against you. He sinned against God alone. If he has already repented before the Lord and asked for God’s forgiveness, then that is all that is required. You have no need to forgive him. So then why, is this a struggle? Well, it’s possible you are sitting in a position of judgment. Judgment can easily rear it’s head when we think more highly of ourselves then we ought to think, as the Bible says. For instance, to some degree, you are probably proud of the fact that you have been able to avoid fornication. Pride in your own accomplishment could cause you to have a really difficult time accepting your boyfriend’s sexual sin. Now, before you deny feeling this way, we suggest you take a long, serious, and honest examination of yourself. If you find that you are guilty of judging, ask God for forgiveness and don’t bring it back up again. Your boyfriend’s sin is under the blood of Jesus, so leave it there. Your second question was, “What can we do to make me feel comfortable with knowing that I have no idea what I am doing and he already knows what he likes..” There isn’t anything that he can do. This is all about you. What can you do? All you can do is pray and ask God to deliver you from your insecurities. You must be confident in who you are, and also confident that this is the man God has sent to be your husband. So, the bottom line is this, you’ve got a lot of soul searching and praying to do. We’ll be praying too. With Christ’s Love, Michael and...

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