Marriage Q & A

Our answers to dozens of marriage questions that have been submitted by site visitors.

Marriage Podcast

Posted by on Jan 7, 2016 in Marriage Q & A, Marriage Tips | Comments Off on Marriage Podcast

  Our Marriage Podcast     Welcome to the Homepage for our marriage podcast.   We call it, The Marriage Platform.  It’s a place where Christian marriages are transformed by truth and transparency.   Episodes are a combination of transparent interviews from couples whose marriages have survived hardship as well as a mix of marriage classes taught by Michael & Wanda and other special guests.   Grab a cup of coffee or tea.  Then, sit back and prepare to be inspired and encouraged.   THE EPISODES EPISODE 09:  How Michael and Wanda Met  Even if you’ve already read the written version of how they met on our website, listening to their miraculous story will inspire you and encourage you to wait on God no matter what it is you’re waiting for. EPISODE 08: In Sickness and Health This is part two of of our series called Marriage Prayer Miracles.  In this episode, a couple out of Conyers, Georgia shares how God performed a miracle for them when one of them was at death’s door. EPISODE 07: The Doctor Said They Couldn’t Have ChildrenThis is part one of our series Marriage Prayer Miracles.  In this episode, a couple share their testimony of how God stepped in after doctors said they had a zero chance of having children. EPISODE 06: How to Pray for Your Husband We continue our discussion on prayer with a lesson for the wives taught by Joy Tarver from Atlanta, Georgia.  In this episode, Joy shares a practical lesson and gives us clear instructions on how to effectively pray for our husbands. EPISODES 05 and 04: Husbands Praying With Their Wives (Part 1 & Part 2)  Special guest Mike Guindon from Idaho, shares his heart regarding husbands praying with, for, and over their wives.  He openly shares his own story and lovingly guides other husbands on how they too can practice this in their own marriages. EPISODE 03: My Husband’s Mistress is Pregnant Again! (Part 2) This is the conclusion of LePaul and Maria’s incredible marriage testimony.  If you were blessed by part one of their story, you won’t want to miss this unexpected ending. EPISODE 02: My Husband’s Mistress is Pregnant (Part 1). Special guests LePaul and Maria Manson from Atlanta, Georgia, sit down with us to share a story of infidelity and betrayal that led to an unexpected pregnancy and a surprising directive from God. EPISODE 01: From Divorce to Reconciliation Special guests Ben and Cynthia Kennedy from Destin, Florida, share their story of how an addiction to pornography and repeated adultery led them to divorce but a miracle from God brought them back together....

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What are the boundaries for criticizing, chastising or “getting on” your spouse

Posted by on Mar 26, 2015 in Marriage Q & A | Comments Off on What are the boundaries for criticizing, chastising or “getting on” your spouse

Posted by: Kelli Trice (Riverside, CA) Question: What are the boundaries for criticizing, chastising, or “getting on” your spouse? Wife in particular. I ask this because, periodically when I do something wrong, my husband lectures me as he would his 17 year old son. Example. We are in the process of trying to open a business. We have a location picked out and have already spoken with the person that is selling the building. I have never owned a business and this is totally over my head and is somewhat overwhelming and intimidating. Since this is my husbands dream I have done all I could do to help him. Today we went to the Assessors office to find out about filing a fictitious business name. I had a question on the form, so my husband got up to ask an associate the question. in the meantime I was at the computer trying to pull up information on which names were not already used as a fictitious business name. Then he calls me over and says in front of the associate, “Get over here, you need to be asking these questions.” So I got up and went over with him to ask. When we sat down he said. “I don’t like when you do that, if you have a question, you need to get up and ask yourself and not get me to do it.” I thought that this was a team effort. Then on the form it asked for the business address and phone number. I looked in my notebook to look up the number and I knew I wrote it down, but couldn’t find it. He commented that the way i have my notebook sectioned with blank pages in between is very unorganized and tacky. He asked if I had the address, and I failed to get the address for the location. I had everything else and not the address. It wasn’t that I meant to leave out the address I just simply forgot to write it down. he said that it was a waste of time coming to the office if I don’t have everything we need. He lectured me in the middle of the room about how to handle business and how I need to be thorough. There were two people on the other side and I’m quite sure they could hear. He asked, “You don’t like to be criticized do you?” I said yes.” He said “No you don’t by the look on your face.” Should a husband or wife, talk to a spouse as if they are 17 or is there such thing as chastising or criticizing a spouse when they make a mistake or do something wrong? In addition to this, I have a question regarding pornography and the marriage bed. I am not very experienced like my husband. I should be but I just missed out on the promiscuous side of things. My husband has been encouraging me to watch porn and the HBO and Cinemax after dark shows to learn what women do and how to please their men. I don’t like porn. I never have and I never will. I will watch the late night shows to show interest but I don’t want to. It’s to only keep my husband happy that I am willing to watch something. He said that watching porn will help me in the bedroom. My goal is to be a proverbs 31 woman. I don’t think that acting like a porn star in bed is the answer. There is no love involved in porn. I...

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Where do I start with my marriage issues?

Posted by on Mar 26, 2015 in Marriage Q & A | Comments Off on Where do I start with my marriage issues?

Posted by: Anonymous (UK) Question: Basically I think my husband and I are so identical to each other that I feel we are not compatible. We do have a loads in common with each other, but because of my upbringing (living with a mum who had a mental illness, placed into foster care where my career had emotionally abused her foster kids making them feel worthless all the time), and not having a family to call my own, i.e. mum or father figure, I feel that to survive life up until marriage I have picked up a few male traits which are still a part of my personality. I am saved and born again, and have been healed from many things in my life. However, I doubted for some time if he is truly saved and then had to repent as I felt I should not be the judge of that. When it comes to, marriage, and life issues no matter how small or great he can’t deal with it in a Christian way. He flips, gets angry, frustrated, and acts very immature in his mannerisms in the way he chooses to deal with things, he causes so much upset and grief, but he will not be the first to sit down and talk things through, it is always me. He’ll sit there for the rest of the evening sulking like a kid…that is until I try to talk about things. His parents are lovely and loving but also controlling, they are there for us, but they have also been the cause of a lot of problems we experienced when we came off honeymoon from Dominica republic. His father moved in with us and lived with us for eight months. I never agreed to the plan. So we have had problems ever since, we never really bonded in the way I had hoped or dreamed about. When my father-in-law left, my husband became bitter towards me, and he simply replaces the absence of his father with his computers. Now, I don’t want him to touch me intimately most of the time so sex is almost off the list. I can’t stand the sight of him at times. I think i am looking at a big child. It is weird because my husband is actually very upbeat, jolly, and energetic, and sociable. But at home, he is completely spiritually dead, emotionally dead, and selfish a lot of the times. It is really hard. And I am really tired, and hurt. I just want him to tune in with reality. He doesn’t want marriage counseling, as he is worried about the cost and what others might think about us. Although we are involved with our church, unfortunately our pastor is not very approachable, and as we have just moved into a new area with not many lively Christian churches around we feel like we are also perplexed concerning our future Christian lives and the lives of our children. (this post has been edited in order to fit on the page)     Answer The first thing we would like to suggest is that your family stays involved with a local church. The Pastor has a position of Shepherd over you. If you feel you can’t approach him, (and this may only be your perception) this is not good. You mentioned that there are no “lively” churches in the area to which you relocated. But do not let this deter you from finding a place where you can grow. The Bible says not to forsake the gathering together of the saints. You...

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What am I to do about intimacy in my marriage? I am at a lost.

Posted by on Mar 26, 2015 in Marriage Q & A | Comments Off on What am I to do about intimacy in my marriage? I am at a lost.

Marriage Question   Posted by:  Dee Question: What am I to do about intimacy in my marriage? I am at a lost. My wife and I have been married for 11 years now, and for this whole time, we have struggled with intimacy problems. We are both saved, and are serving the Lord, and we’ve never had any issues of infidelity. She admits that the problem stems from her having a lack of physical, sexual desire. She does not have a desire to have sex, nor does she feel like sex is important in our marriage. Whenever we do have sex, which is about every other week mostly, but occasionally, once a week, it is because she knows that I’m frustrated, and it’s usually after she’s said no for several days. She finally says something like, “OK, let’s just get this over with”, or “OK, come on, I don’t want you to be mad”. Even then, she just mostly makes me do everything, without her responding much. Strangely enough, she does have an orgasm most of the time, and she says that she enjoys it after we get going. But, she just never wants to get started. We have struggled with this over and over and over, and we’ve prayed about it, talked about it, argued about it, etc., but nothing has changed. Over these years, we have had two children, and we really do have a good marriage outside of this issue. We enjoy each other in every other way…we have fun together doing things non-sex related, we love spending time together, we can talk to each other about everything else…different challenges, work, friends, etc. We even talk about how we can be better husband and wife to each other and better support each other in both little and big ways…as long as the subject of sex doesn’t come up. Overall, our communication is pretty good. However, whenever the topic of sex comes up, it’s like she becomes a totally different person. She immediately clams up, gets an upset or frustrated look on her face, and becomes basically non-responsive. It is like this whether it has been 2 days since we last had sex or 2 weeks. It seems as if it doesn’t matter when I bring up sex, she’s not in the mood for it, and she gets angry at me for bothering her about it. She’s even said on occasion that she wishes I could just marry someone else, so that I can be happy in this area. She even says that maybe we should not have gotten married to start with. She has said that she wants to have these feelings for me, but she just doesn’t have them. She says that she’s prayed about it for herself several times, and she’s asked God to “give her a sexual desire for her husband”. But, from what I can see, she hasn’t even attempted to make any change, or to even try to do anything differently. When I ask her about maybe trying to plan a time for us to have sex, she never does it. I’ve asked her about maybe talking to our Pastor or our Pastor’s wife, and she refuses to do that. She says “I don’t want to”. She won’t agree to us going together to talk to our Pastor or anyone else either. I really need to know what I am supposed to do. I love my wife, and I love our marriage, and I don’t want another wife…I want her. Separation or divorce is not an option for me. So, am...

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Very Lonely Wife

Posted by on Mar 26, 2015 in Marriage Q & A | Comments Off on Very Lonely Wife

Marriage Question: Very Lonely Wife   Posted by: Jean (MO) Question: Very Lonely Wife–My husband does not like to be around me. He never hugs, kisses, or touches me at all. We don’t talk; he is in one room while I’m in another. I always talk to him about this but he always says he don’t know what’s wrong. I always try to make us happy but some how he always says or does something that is a little bad, nothing real bad, but not good. He has a hard time trying to be a husband to me. Answer: Hello, Jean. It sounds like there’s a lot more going on here than meets the eye. In other words, your husband’s behavior is symptomatic of a deeper problem. We can’t begin to say for sure what’s going on with him emotionally, because we don’t know your marital history. There are a number of possible reasons for his behavior. Here are a few: stress at work, unforgiveness in his heart, disillusioned regarding marriage, even financial problems in your marriage. The fact, that he is not willing to talk to you about it or just says he doesn’t know definitely makes it difficult on your part to even try and understand. This is what we suggest for now: First of all, begin to really pray about your marriage regularly. Ask the Father to give you insight into your husband’s heart. Pray also for your husband’s salvation. You did not mention whether or not your husband is a born again believer. Finally, pray also against any bitterness or resentment forming in your heart — continue to be the woman God created you to be. If the two of you are not involved actively in a local church, may we suggest you get connected with a local body of believers that can support you. Finally, we think the two of you could benefit from professional Christian help of some sort. Maybe your husband would be willing to talk with a Christian Pastor. But timing is everything, God’s timing that is. So pray and ask God to prepare your husband’s heart for this suggestion. When you feel in your spirit that the time is right. Ask him if he would be open to talking with a Pastor or another Christian professional about the problems you’re having. Explain to him that if this is left unresolved it will continue to create a huge disconnection between the two of you, as well as an open door for the enemy. We will be praying for you. Peace and Blessings, Michael and...

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uncomfortable with husband’s sexual requests

Posted by on Mar 26, 2015 in Marriage Q & A, Sex and Romance | Comments Off on uncomfortable with husband’s sexual requests

Marriage Question:  Uncomfortable with My Husband’s Sexual Request   Question: Uncomfortable with husband’s sexual requests. My husband wants me to do things sexually with him that I have tried with him, but I am no longer comfortable doing these things and I have told him that I do not want to do them anymore. My husband still pushes the issue and this situation is creating a lot of problems in our marriage. My question is as a married woman is it okay for me not to do something sexually or should I do what my husband wants even though I have issues with what he wants me to do? Can you also provide Scriptural basis for your answer? Answer: Hello, thank you so much for visiting our website. The big question is why do you have issues with it? If you agreed to do this from the onset, it may not be reasonable to now refuse, UNLESS you can say yes to the following questions: 1. Is what he’s asking you to do harming you? 2. Is what he’s asking you to do causing you physical discomfort? 3. Does it make you feel dirty or shameful? 4. Does it violate the Word of God? If you say yes to the above questions, then your husband should not try and persuade you. That would be selfish on his part. His job is to love you as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25). That means he places your needs above his own. However, if you say no to the above questions, then you should seek to please your husband. Compromise with him and do this for him occasionally. Sex in marriage is not a one way street, it’s for the enjoyment of both spouses. Unmet sexual needs is oftentimes an open door for adultery. Here is another scripture you may find helpful… “The husband should not deprive his wife of sexual intimacy, which is her right as a married woman, nor should the wife deprive her husband. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband also gives authority over his body to his wife.” 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 Blessings, Michael and Wanda   Comments for uncomfortable with husband’s sexual requests Frustated (advice) by: Anonymous Dear Frustrated,I can see a lot in your conversation that mirrors my past. I was married to a woman that I pressured for oral sex too. She just could not do it, and I was not too content with that, so I felt that if she really loved me, she would. I really didn’t see how selfish I was being. I was driving a huge wedge in our relationship. After learning the hard way by losing my first marriage what it was to love my wife as Christ expects, I am married a second time to a woman that enjoys oral sex. The difference this time is my approach to oral sex is not demanding. My wife knows that I enjoy it, but I rarely ask for it because I want it to come from her desire and not mine. Would I like it more…..yes but I seek her wants and desires before my own and it means the world to her. My advice for you would be to continue to do what you are already doing…pray. I want so much to shake husbands sometimes and to try to beat some sense into them about what they are doing to their wives because I was there doing the same things, and looking back, I can see the destruction I was causing. Ultimately, your...

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