Our Help with Choosing the Right Person
Is she or he the one? Is there a way to know for sure? Yes there is. But unfortunately, many couples today are looking at the wrong things. They begin their search for a mate with a list of criteria such as, money, physical features, how many college degrees they have, what kind of car they drive, and the style of clothing they wear.
There's an old saying that suggests a woman can tell a lot about a man by the kind of shoes he wears. Well, his shoes may give you an idea of his personality or his financial status, but it won't give you insight into the most critical areas.
That's why we recommend you go beyond the surface when selecting your life partner. The deeper you go in the initial stages of laying the foundation, the more strength and endurance your relationship will have in the long run.
It's kind of like constructing a very tall building; before the foundation can be laid, workers must first dig deep into the ground in order to give the structure maximum support.
- Is What's Important to You, Important to Him or Her?
A sharing of similar values and goals is very important when choosing the right person to marry. Do you value having a family while your boyfriend values having a career? If so, you can expect future marital problems.
Make a list of those things that are important to you, and then talk to your partner about them. Take our advice and don't major on the minors. In other words, you will have some differences, but too many differences on major issues could be a red flag.
- What about His or Her Spiritual Commitment?
The Bible tells us in 2Corinthians 6:14 that we should not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. While this particular text is not referring to marriage, it is none the less a principle that can be applied in many areas of our lives including marriage.
What is a non-believer? one who has not accepted Christ as their personal savior. It doesn't matter how much of a "good person" they are, what matters is what the Word of God says. What are some other ways you can be unequally yoked?
Well lets say you're committed to your walk with Christ but your boyfriend or girlfriend is not. They have accepted Christ as their savior but they don't have a regular church home, they don't spend time in prayer or Bible study. In other words they are saved but they don't have a personal relationship with the Lord. That is a form of being unequally yoked and can result in contention between the two of you after marriage.
- Do You Know His or Her Family History?
Believe it or not, family history is an important aspect of choosing the right person. The reason it's so important is because our family upbringings are what mold and influence our adult behaviors.
For instance, if you meet a person who is estranged from their
mother or father, meaning they have a poor relationship. This could be an indication of how that person will behave towards you later. So, find out about their family ties because broken ties could be a warning.
- Does He or She Have a Stable Employment History?
Do they have a history of jumping from job to job, church to church, moving often. If so, this is something you want to investigate. Stability is necessary when you're married. Men and women both need stability, but stability is particularly important for women and children.
If your intended partner lacks stability, it is definitely something you want to deal with now. It could be just a matter of them not having a clear vision for the future, or it could be an indicator of unresolved issues from the past. Either way, you should slow down and dig a little deeper.
- How Well Do the Two of You Get Along?
Are arguments a common occurance, and breaking up a monthly ritual? If so, then the two of you should definitely put on the brakes. Constant conflict and regular break-ups are an indication that the two of you have some serious issues.
Understand this, the same issues that you are dealing with now will in all likelihood be the same issues you'll deal with after marriage.
- Does He or She Value You?
To be valued means that you are treated with respect and honor. If you are constantly being criticized or put down, then your mate does not value you. If your ideas, thoughts, and opinions are seldom considered, then you are not valued. All of us have a need to be valued and appreciated. So, the question is, do you feel valued and appreciated by your mate?
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