Christian Engagement Question

by Diane
(USA)

Christian Engagement Question: I am currently engaged after a two year relationship. My concern is this ~ we have both been Christians for many years. Recently my fiance asked me if I ever had fantasies. I would be lying if I said otherwise. They only included he and I. He told me about a long time fantasy of a threesome involving another male. He kept talking on and on about this and that and the fact that I would have to be agreeable and such, as if it might actually happen down the road. I asked him, "It wouldn't bother you, the fact of me having sex with another man?" He said ,"No, it would kind of turn me on." This concerns me greatly! I became very upset about this ~ almost to the point of breaking things off. When he realized just how upset I really was, he started saying that he would NEVER do anything to hurt me (which he already did by saying something like that) and that it was just a fantasy and that it doesn't mean he would actually go through with it. Even before I became a Christian, I would never have thought that to be okay! And that could be a deal breaker for me. I just don't understand it coming from a Christian man. How could he even think that was okay in God's eyes, ever? He said he would ask God to forgive him, rebuke the devil and asked me to forgive him, pray for him and help him through this. He reassured me that he would never let ANYTHING come between us. Fortunately, we have not set a date yet. Any advice and prayers are greatly appreciated! Thank you.


Answer: Hi Diane! Thank you for sharing your question. The Bible says that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. That means whatever is really in our hearts is going to come out of our mouths. The issue with your fiance' doesn't require him to rebuke the devil, it requires him to reevaluate his relationship with Christ. We can't imagine anyone who knew the Word of God and had an intimate relationship with Him ever thinking adultery is okay. That's what a threesome is -- it's adultery. This is a basic concept.

It appears your fiance' is only remorseful because he saw how upset his confession made you. Had you gone along with his fantasy everything would be fine. In the secular world they would call this a "red flag". But from a spiritual perspective, "red flags" are often divine revelation from God. In other words, it's God's attempt to reveal something to you before you make a mistake.


When God reveals things to us it's because He loves us and wants only the best for our lives. It is good you have not set a wedding date yet.
This is what we suggest you do:

1. Pray and ask God to continue giving you revelation about your fiance'.

2. Pray and ask God for discernment so that your Spirit will become sensitive to people and situations that don't reflect the heart of God.

3. Pray and ask God for wisdom to make the right decision at the right time.

4. Do not pray that this relationship works. Pray God's will would be done.

5. Don't make emotional decisions.

6. Do trust God.

7. Do follow the leading of the Holy Spirit.

8. Do take advantage of premarital counseling should you decide to move forward.

But do not move forward until God gives you TOTAL peace.


Thank you for visiting Christian Marriage Today. We will keep you in prayer.

Love in Christ,
Mike and Wanda


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Do you appreciate the free advice and materials on this website? If so, please consider supporting the mission of Christian Marriage Today/Nehemiah Family Ministries with a $3 donation.

When you plant a seed of support, you will receive a special thank you gift from Mike and Wanda, a Free Christian book.




Finished Reading Christian Engagement Question
Return to: Christian Marriage Today Home Page