Christian Marriage Advice Husband Smoking Weed

Question: I'm 25 and I've been married 4 1/2 yrs. He started smoking weed the night before the wedding and continued for 3 1/2 years. He got arrested last year and I told him I was leaving him but stayed because he promised to change. He has smoked a 3 different times since the arrest and it always leads to an argument. He started again 5 days ago and hasn't stopped. He said the only problem with it is that it is illegal and that he is going to do it when he wants because he is tired of me controlling him. Me controlling him is asking him not to look at porn, not smoke, and to watch how much money he spends so we can pay our bills. I have been praying since day one and it continues to be one vicious cycle. There have been fidelity issues twice in the past that I have forgiven him for, but now he is smoking again and with that comes more lies and staying out late with friends, which is when the fidelity issues happened last time. He refuses to go to counseling and says what he is doing is not wrong. I have explain how this makes me feel. And it's not the type of marriage I thought I was getting.

Answer: Illegal drug use is a very serious matter. You say your husband has already been arrested once for this. Well, the reality of the situation is this; if the police should come to your home and find drugs, BOTH of you will be arrested. Your husband is putting you at risk just as much as he is himself. And it is very clear that he is not able to overcome this on his own.

We suggest you sit your husband down and tell him that you will no longer accept his drug abuse. Ask him to get professional help for his addiction and tell him you'd be more than happy to help him find a treatment program. If he agrees, give him a deadline to begin treatment. Let's say, one week. If he refuses help, or fails to get help within that time frame, then you must be prepared to take the next step.

The next step is to initiate a temporary separation. This is a very serious step of action. But it will be a wake up call for him. However, there is one caveat, don't threaten a temporary separation unless you are strong enough to go through with it. How long should you remain separated? For as long as it takes him to get the help he needs. You should not stay because he promises to change. You must leave until you have proof that he is receiving treatment for his addiction.


We are against separation of Christian couples, but in some cases separation is necessary. We believe this to be one of those cases.


Until you put your foot down and set boundaries, he will continue to disregard and disrespect you, God, and his marriage.


Praying for You,
Mike and Wanda