Christian Marriage Advice: I Put My Husband Out

by Laurena
(USA)

Question: I have been having thought of leaving my husband, despite the fact that i am pregnant. I think he has not been participating in our family, very negative towards the children and I, and just plain angry. I tried to discuss this with him and things went well for a while, but now they are back to the way they were before the talk. He thinks he has better ideas about marriage than a marriage counselor therapist, so he wont go. I am very frustrated. I love my husband and want our family to stay together, but I am at a halt. The only thing i could think of to do was tell him not to come home. I also told him if he wanted to communicate to do so by e-mail. I know this is complicated, but I have no where else to go and I need spiritual advice. Please help me and my family.

Answer: Laurena, first as your brother and sister in Christ, we must tell you that putting your husband out of the house and only allowing him to communicate with you via e-mail was not the Godly the thing to do. Unless he was physically abusing you or your children.

The biggest challenge in being a Christian is controlling our flesh and walking in the Spirit. It is a challenge but God expects all those who belong to Him.

If you and your husband are both born again believers, meaning you have both prayed the prayer of salvation, than it appears that both of you need to rededicate your lives to the Lord and draw closer to Him. This can be done by becoming active in a local ministry, reading your Bible daily, praying daily, as well as listening to Christian music. If you don't purposely set your mind on the things of God, than your mind and your flesh will end up controlling you. The end result is that you allow your emotions to control you, which is what each of you are doing.

In James 1:19 it says that "the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God". Another way of saying that is " your anger will never produce Godly results."

If your husband is not a born again believer, than this needs to be the first priority. Talk to him about accepting Christ as his personal Savior.
You see, once we are born again we receive the Holy Spirit which helps us to better control our lustful, sinful desires. When we try in our own flesh to make changes without relying on God, those changes won't last long.

However, your reactions towards your husband have not been Christ-like, so he may not be willing to listen as you witness to him. In this case, the two of you should come together and both of you should apologize to one another, and then pray; jointly ask Christ to come into your hearts, and ask Him to forgive BOTH of you for your behavior.

It is also important that you as a woman, wife, and mother; and he as a man, husband and father have other Christian couples in your life for spiritual support. For this, you need to ask God in prayer to lead you to a good Bible teaching church. Once there, get involved and connect with other couples.

Take advantage of the free Bible Studies and devotions available at Christian Marriage Today.

Finally, we want to encourage you to relax in the Lord. All of this worry and stress is not healthy for your unborn child. Stop stressing and let God do what only He is able to do. No amount of talking is going to change your husband, only God can. Remember the following:

1. Real love, the love of God, does not give up, it endures forever

2. If your husband changes because you nag him it will never last long. Only God can bring the internal permanent change.

3. The two of you need to recommit your lives to Christ.

4. If your marriage dissolves it will not only affect you, it will affect the lives of your children for generations to come.

Consider everything that we have said carefully, more important prayerfully. We are here if you need us. We will be praying for your family.

Your Brother & Sister in Christ,
Mike and Wanda