Christian Marriage Advice: My Wife Does Not Initiate Sex

by Fabian

Question: How do I know my wife is still physically in love with me when I always have to initiate intimacy?"

Answer: Fabian, when you say "physically in love", we assume your wondering if your wife is still "physically attracted" to you. Well, the only way you can know this for sure is to ask her.

When a women loses sexual interest in her husband, it could be for any number of reasons. Without knowing your wife, it is difficult to assess the problem.

But here are a few possible causes that you can bring up when you speak with her:

1. She may have unforgiveness or bitterness towards you for a past transgression.

2. She may be overwhelmed or stressed about current events at home or at work.

3. She may have been raised to believe that it just isn't lady-like for a woman to initiate sex.

4. She may be embarrassed or feel awkward.

5. Depending on her age, her sexual appetite may be decreasing.

6. If your appearance has changed drastically, she may not be as attracted to you as she once was. Ask her if there is anything about your appearance that she would like you to improve.

7. She may not feel appreciated by you. Each of you have two different love languages and knowing the love language of your spouse is crucial. If you are not familiar with love languages, it's a book written by Gary Chapman.


Once you sit down and talk to her, be transparent with your emotions and let her know that as a man, it is important for you to know that she still desires you. See if she will agree to initiate sex at least once a week. Finally, a good way to get the fires burning again is to find new toys or romantic games to make your time together more exciting for both of you. It may be that she feels sex has become predictable and routine.

But again, you must start with a conversation. Talk to your wife.


Peace and Blessings,
Mike and Wanda
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