Christian Marriage Advice: Should I Get Married Now?

by Brittani
(USA)

Question: Hi! I am not married, but would like to be. I am 19. My boyfriend and I have dated since I was 14. We are both Christians. We have done the Love Dare to build up our relationship. We are not perfect, but we try to base our relationship on God. We REALLY want to marry, but are not financially stable right now. I feel like I am being deprived of air; I need and want to be with him, but I can't have him. Our parents can't help us, due to their financial problems, so we will have to pay for the wedding ourselves. We are in college right now, and neither one of us has a full-time job. My boyfriend has even considered dropping out, but I will not let him. Do you have any suggestions as to what we should do? I thought I would be able to wait until after college, but I don't know if I can. (This isn't a sexual thing. I didn't want you to get the wrong idea.) I love him with all my heart. I would do anything for him. But when we are apart, it feels like a part of me is missing. I have prayed about it, and I just don't know what to do. Help me please!!!

Answer: Brittani, the Bible says in Phil 4:6, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication and thanksgiving let your request be known unto God..."

In other words, we are not suppose to feel anxiety about anything but rather give it to God and trust Him to work on our behalf. Your feeling of not knowing what to do is a clear indication that you should not do what you're feeling.

It is sooo beautiful that you and your boyfriend have such love for one another. But now is the most crucial time in your relationship. You see, you are laying the foundation for your future together. If you try to build a house on an unstable foundation, you will surely end up paying the price later on.

Getting married too soon is also similar to a woman giving birth to a baby too soon. What was intended to be a joyful experience quickly turns into a stressful, and worrisome event because the child was not ready to be birthed.

Likewise, if you and your boyfriend get married too early, you will have much worry and trouble later on.

It's better to invest the time now to get things right rather than paying the price on the back end.

You say you don't know if you can wait until after college, but you absolutely MUST. If you want God's best for your lives, you MUST.

The first thing the two of you should do is not allow your flesh to control you. By that we mean don't allow your emotions to dictate your decisions. The Bible says be controlled by God's Spirit not our flesh.

Next, develop a solid plan for the future and stick to it. Include things like graduating from college, getting good jobs, and saving for a house.

Next, stop focusing so much on the here and now and focus more attention on God. Get involved with the young adults at your church, or with other ministries at your church. Attend Bible Study. Develop a regular prayer time and Bible reading time. You will find that the more time you give God, the more peace you will have. After all, He said in His word that He would keep you in perfect peace if you keep your mind on Him.

Are you concentrating more on each other than you are God? Here's an idea; volunteering your time at a daycare, animal shelter, Red Cross, Homeless Shelter, or something like that is a good way of refocusing your attention.

We know you two love each other, but getting married before other things are in place is just not a wise decision. Wait on God and Trust in God. Remember, your situation right now is merely TEMPORARY, it will change although it feels like a life sentence. Marriage on the other hand is for a LIFETIME so it is crucial that it is not done prematurely.

Always remember this: Never make a PERMANENT decision in life based on a TEMPORARY situation.

Also remember this: Let the Wisdom of God lead you because your heart will deceive you.

http://www.christian-marriage-today.com/christian-marriage-advice.html

Love in Christ,
Mike and Wanda
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