Christian Marriage Counselors
How do You Choose the Right One?
Not all Christian marriage counselors are the same. And choosing the wrong counselor could cost you your marriage.
While some would suggest you begin your search with the yellow pages, we suggest a different starting point when searching for Christian counselors.
Before You Begin Your Search
Pray for guidance. As a believer, God wants you to cast all of your cares on Him and then trust that He will provide the answer.
How do you do this? Well, the best place to start is with prayer. The Bible says you have not because you ask not (James 4:2). So, why not just ask.
If you pray and ask your Heavenly Father to lead you to a Spirit filled Christian marriage counselor, one that is best suited for you and your spouse, He will.
When you have finished praying, only then should you begin your search.
Next, add structure to your search by using the Five R's.
The Five R's
Once you begin calling counselors, it may feel a little awkward initially. But don't allow these feelings to stop your mission. You see, when you prayed, you gave God the responsibility of leading you to the right counselor. The pressure, so to speak, is on Him not you.
Use a note pad and the Five R's to keep
yourself focused and on track:
1. Relax - Before you do anything, take a deep breath and relax. God is big enough and smart enough to handle any problem you'll ever have -- including your search for a counselor. Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean
not to your own understanding. In all of your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path, Proverbs 3:5-6. Got it? Good!
2. Religious Beliefs - Find out the doctrinal beliefs of each counselor you speak with. Believe it or not, all Christians do not share the same doctrinal beliefs.
The middle of a counseling session is not the time to discover your counselor believes submission is strictly for wives. So, ask about doctrinal beliefs from the onset.
3. Relation - Is this person related to you or are they a close family friend? We strongly suggest you seek counseling from an unbiased party. This also includes pastoral counseling. If your pastor is also your relative, we suggest you seek alternative counseling.
As convenient as it may seem, involving family members and close friends in your marital problems can create some sticky situations. Not only is it sometimes difficult for them to remain neutral, it is often a struggle to enjoy the same relationship you had with them prior to counseling.
4. Reputation - Ask others about their personal experience with Christian marriage counselors. You may walk away from the conversation with a referral. You can also get a reputable referral from the National Christian Counselor's Association.
5. Rapport - Make an appointment to meet with the counselor prior to the onset of counseling. During this initial meeting, pay close attention to how the counselor interacts with you and your spouse. More importantly, pay close attention to what you feel in your spirit.
Consider The Cost
How much will marriage counseling cost? Fees for marriage counseling range from $45 to $200 per session. The national average is approximately $100 per session. How much it ultimately cost you in the long run will depend on two factors:
1. If your medical insurance covers marriage counseling
Most insurance companies will not cover "Christian" marriage counseling. Neither will they, in most cases, cover secular marriage counseling unless there has been a diagnosis of a mental disorder.
This means you should expect to pay a good portion of your therapy "out of pocket."
2. How many sessions are required
The number of sessions required will vary for each couple because understandably, each situation is different. At the very least, you should expect to be seen once a week until the counselor feels adequate progress has been made to warrant less frequent visits.
At a minimum of only once a week for a period of three to twelve months, you could ultimately spend between $1,200 - $5,200 when it's all said and done.
However, be advised that depending on your personal situation, counseling can last for as long as two years. This puts the final cost for counseling at more than $10,000.
That may sound like a large sum of money, but the health of your marriage is priceless. It's an investment that will benefit you, your children, and even their children.
Additional Questions for Christian Marriage Counselors
- How long have you been a marriage counselor?
- What types of treatment approaches do you use?
- Do you offer a sliding fee scale based on a patient's income?
- Is payment expected at the end of each session or will you bill me?
- How long is a standard session?
- What are the operating hours of your office?
- Who can I contact after hours?
- Does your Privacy Policy have any limitations that I should be aware of?
Making the Final Decision
After speaking with and perhaps visiting a few Christian marriage counselors, you and your spouse should make a prayerful decision. Whatever is decided should
be agreed upon by both of you. Your final decision should also agree with what the Holy Spirit has been speaking to your hearts. Remember, you did ask Him for His help.
What's Next?
Now that you understand how to choose a counselor, find out if marriage counseling really works.
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