Christian Marriage: Husband All Talk No Action

by Jennifer
(North Carolina)

Christian Marriage Question: Husband All Talk No Action. My husband and I have been married for 25 years and saved and serving in churches for 16. Besides the harsh way he talks to me and our children, and how if I would submit there would be not arguments, I’ve come to terms with the fact that many of the things we planned before marriage just aren’t happening. My husband is great at talking about things but puts no effort behind it. He says the right things; my hope gets up; disappointment follows. We have been "talking" about marriage/family counseling (again) for months. Finally I realized he doesn’t sense the urgency or our situation and it wasn’t a priority for him, so I made an appointment for myself thru my job. When the counselor determined that much of my depression was family related, she invited my husband. He came, but showed no interest. I bought books she recommended so we could discuss our issues, but I have to compete with TV. I asked if we are going to do what the counselor suggested and he says of course like I have no reason to expect otherwise. The next night; same routine. He gives good advice, but doesn’t live it. I am by no means perfect but at least I make an effort to get help. How can I continue when my husband only talks a good game? I am tired of being the one to initiate things in this marriage. Am I just supposed to be unhappy?


Answer: Hello Jennifer, we are sorry about your current marital situation. Our advice is to first of all, continue following the advice or your counselor regardless of what your husband does or does not do. Even if your husband is not receptive to marriage counseling, individual counseling would still benefit you greatly. Next, you asked if you are to continue being unhappy? Well, unless your husband has committed adultery, you have no Biblical grounds for divorce. This part of marriage is the "For Worse" part that we all agreed to at the altar on our wedding days. The problem is, we simply had no idea what "For Worse" would entail. But even not knowing, we committed before God to remain in covenant come what may.

Jennifer, we have counseled many couples and have learned that spiritually, depression is the result of focusing intensely inward. In other words, you must try to begin to change your focus from you, your situation, and what your husband is and is not doing and begin to focus outward and upward on God, ENTIRELY. Reconnect with God intimately by renewing your prayer life and Bible reading time. Get connected with a good church and surround yourself with Godly women. How does this change your husband? It mainly changes you which should be your main focus because the Bible says that a husband can be won over by the chase behavior of his wife.

Finally, we want to encourage you to not give up hope. As long as you have Christ, there will always be hope for your situation and hope for your life.


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With Christ's Love,
Mike and Wanda