Christian Marriage Question Can My Marriage Be Saved

by Angel
(United States)

Christian Marriage Question: Can my marriage be saved? My story is kind of long but I will try to make it short... Thanks for your advice in advance! I met my husband on online. We exchanged numbers and started talking. Every other word out of his mouth was a curse word and I told him that I really wasn't into foul mouth... So I didn't speak to him for a good minute after that. Two months later he called me back up and I answered and it was like he did a 360 turn... A curse word here and there but nothing like before... I fell in love with my husband over the phone needless to say. So in those few months we met like 3 times and then we got married. Started talking in August and got married in November same year. He had been hurt on the job and couldn't work for a while but was looking for work. We got married and he moved in with me and my sister. I have a 2 bedroom apartment. But my sister and him did nothing did not get along. Well he went back to his hometown to get a job mid December and we haven't seen each other since. At first we were talking on the phone like we always did then one day my phone fell in between the seat at my sisters house and i didn't hear it ringing... He called and it started a big argument he was thinking that my sister was trying to set me up with someone else... He said a lot of mean things and even went as far as to tell me that he had been with other females... Which of course I didn't believe cause I knew he was just mad and venting... But anyway he talked about my sisters and called cursing names and said a whole bunch of other mean stuff. We were even supposed to be getting a divorce and he'll say he's sending his half then he won't... he'll say he coming home or can i found us a house to ourselves. Lately he has been the person I fell in love with but I'm so confused... I know that its crazy of me to say but I love my husband with all my heart and I truly believe that he loves me the same. Am I so wrong to believe that my marriage has a chance? I think that it just started out on the wrong foot... I think that if we get a house to ourselves he can come back home and things would be better. I can work on being a better wife and he can work on the things he needs to work on but we can do it together. It doesn't help that the family that he is staying with cusses a lot. And I'm not blaming it all on them because he has the ability to influence himself also. I believe that everyone deserves to be forgiven. People think that I am crazy to forgive him for cussing me out but everyone has done something they wish they could take back. I believe that if I can just stand by and support my husband right now that by my standing he can be brought into a closer relationship with God. I have forgiven my husband for all the mean things he's said but I guess I'm kinda wondering how do I work my family into this. I love my family but I LOVE MY HUSBAND whom I am still faithfully devoted to. We've been apart for almost 2 months now and he recently asked me if I could keep my family out of our business cause he does love me and he glad he married me but my family saying stuff and everything just gets to him.... So I guess if you could give my any advice at all it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. And I do want my marriage to work....:-)

Answer: Hi Angel, thank you for sharing your question. Your family doesn’t need to be “worked into this” as you put it. Your husband has top priority and your family should have no input in your marriage what so ever. In fact, from this point on, you should stop discussing your husband with your family. The next thing that absolutely must happen is getting your own place. If money is tight, look into getting a one-bedroom apartment instead of a two bedroom. This MUST happen immediately if your marriage is going to have the slightest chance of survival.

Finally, your husband’s relationship or lack of a relationship with Christ needs immediate attention. His behavior (i.e. cursing you out, and claiming to have been with other woman) is not acceptable no matter how angry he was. Should you forgive him? Absolutely! But at the same time, the two of you need to find a good Bible teaching church, get involved in their Bible studies, and also their couple’s ministry. This is crucial because your husband will not mature spiritually if he’s not being fed spiritually.

You are right, God can work a miracle but you have to be in position to receive it. Get in position by making the changes we suggested.

We love you and will be praying for you.

Mike and Wanda
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