Christian Marriage Question: Husband's emotional affair

by L

Christian Marriage Question: Husband's emotional affair. About 2 weeks ago, I discovered my husband's year-long emotional affair w/old high-school friend. Started on facebook and continued with texts, emails, and phone calls, as well as statements of love. Confronted him and asked if an affair and he denied. Finally (2 days later) confronted with knowledge of him and her and the communication.

He acknowledged and admitted and indicated they felt a "connection" but he was sorry, loved and wanted me and our life, never wanted to hurt me. He said he had not been happy with my lack of attention and laughter with him and found it again with her friendship. He said there had not been a sexual relationship...but some of her emails make it sound as if there might have been.

As of last week, they were still communicating as "friends", though he indicated to her they could not email and berry much anymore...but he would have to let her know and maybe they could communication in the future. She was sending facebook messages and chat invites and he was responding. He has since changed all passwords on email and facebook accounts, so I cannot verify that communication has really ceased.

I feel that all communication between them must cease now...because of the danger it will escalate back to where it was. But I also know I have jealousy over their relationship. Also there is an upcoming high school reunion and I believe she will be there. Right now, I don't want to attend as I'm not sure I can handle seeing her and him communication together.

Not sure how to handle his continued communication or this upcoming reunion and need some advice....


Answer: Hi Trina, first we want to start by telling you that your husband's action of changing the password on his accounts is a sign of deception. As his wife, you should have access to all of his passwords to email, facebook etc. If he has a problem giving you that information, then you can only assume there is something he is trying to hide. Secondly, your husband needs to stop communicating with this woman all together. That is, if he values his marriage. Neither of you should engage in friendships with the opposite sex that the other person is not comfortable with. So again, he needs to end all contact with this woman and give you the passwords to his accounts. Also the two of you need to set ground rules and boundaries so that this does not happen again.

You said your husband said that he misses the attention and laughter with you. Trina, I know life gets in the way, but the two of you must begin making your relationship a priority. When needs are not being met by either partner is when infidelity creeps in the door. Check out our web pages for romance ideas, and romantic games. We also recommend the two of you studying the free Bible studies, What Your Wife Needs, and What Your Husband Needs.

Regarding the upcoming reunion, if your husband is going then you should go. Not being by his side is just opening a door for more trouble. Him talking to her at the reunion should not be a problem because he should no longer be communicating with her for any reason, period.

Hope that helps.


Peace and Blessings,
Mike and Wanda