Christian Marriage Question: My wife is unsure of what her life should be now.

Christian Marriage Question: My wife of 12 1/2 years told me on December 20, 2009 that she had feelings that she wanted to get away from everything including that she was not sure that she still wanted to be married. When I questioned her about it, she said she did not know why and was very confused. She said she still loved me, but knew she was hurting me by not being able to express love. Two days later, we began going to a Christian Psychotherapist. We went for 5 visits, and he said he thought we had been enough and did not need to come back. During the visits, he asked each of us how we would rate our marriage on a scale of 1 to 10 prior to the "current Issues". She immediately said "10".

My wife is 46. We are raising our 2 1/2 year old granddaughter who is the best thing in the world. We had to close our daycare about 2 years ago, and I took a night job that kept me out until about 1:30 or 2:00 a.m. 4 nights a week to help pay extra bills. My wife's mother passed away in a car accident about 1 month before our granddaughter was born. Also, a very close couple friend of ours went through a divorce about this time last year, and they put my wife in the middle of their divorce. She has always cared for their two young daughters. Now the mother will not let my wife watch the girls on the weeks that they are with her, and my wife has become very close with the father of the girls. She says and I believe that the closeness is primarily because of the girls.

I had noticed my wife becoming much more distant during late Spring and early Summer of 2009. So, I asked her if she began having the confused feelings about 6 months ago, she said it had been about 2 years or more. She wasn't exactly sure.

on February 7, she told me she was going to stay with our daughter for a while. Neither of us knows how long it will be, and she told me again yesterday that she is still not sure she wants to be married anymore.

This past weekend I inadvertently found out from some friends that she had been less than truthful about where she had been. I won't get into the whole thing, but I was considerably hurt. When I asked her about it, she was angry and told me she would tell me when she was ready. We have never gone to bed angry with each other. I was going to not contact her, but wait on her to contact me until I read the "Ways to Save a Marriage" late yesterday evening. After reading ways 2, 3, and 4, I sent her a text that simply said, "I am sorry I am having trouble accepting the unknowns from this weekend. I don't want you to end your day angry with me." Within 1 minute, I received a reply that simply said "I won't." Thank you for your web-site.

She and I both believe that to some extent her current issues may be related to menopause. I don't think that is all of it. She continues to tell me that she does love me. (She doesn't tell me as often as she used to.) I believe that God will work this out in her, but I am having trouble getting through the day-to-day activities.

I have spoken to our pastor. He believes that God can work it out, but isn't as sure as I am that He will.

I have seen God do so many things for us since December 20th that I don't believe that He would have done if we were going to fail.

Since yesterday, I have gone through probably 90 percent of your web site. It has helped tremendously, but I am still struggling. I want God to work in her heart, but I don't know how or if I can do anything to help. Please give me your advice.


Answer: Our brother in Christ, it seems that you have done all that you can do. It is now time for you to take your hands off of the situation and allow God to do what you can't. You see, you do not have the power to change the heart of your wife. Nor do you have the power to heal her wounds. But Christ does and so you must trust Him totally. Even when it seems that things are not going the way you would desire, you must make a decision to trust God. Does trusting God mean that your wife will come back, unfortunately it doesn't. Trusting God means that you believe the scripture that says, "all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose." That means no matter what happens, God will use it for your good.

So, use this time to submit your heart and your life totally to God. Begin reading your Bible and praying daily. If you're not active in church, become active in your local church. Surround yourself with Godly men who can encourage and support you.

Will God bring your wife back to you? We can not say for sure. All we can say is that it's definitely time to let go and let God. We love you and will be praying for you.


Love in Christ,
Minister Mike and Wanda