Christian Marriage Question: My Wife Won't Forgive

by Bob
(Hawaii)

Christian Marriage Question: My wife won't forgive. I've been in a horrible marriage for eight years, ever since my first daughter was born. (my second is 3 years old). I get absolutely no respect, despite being a responsible and dutiful father. There's been no intimacy for years, and I want out. The only thing keeping me around the emotional abuse and neglect is the children. My wife(?) (I have a hard time saying that now) refuses to get counseling, despite multiple attempts on my part. She's not willing to forgive. Is this grounds for divorce?

Answer: First of all, there is such a thing as boundaries in marriage. And it sounds as if you really need to set some. Regardless of what it is you did that caused your wife to become angry and bitter, mistreatment and abuse of any kind should not be accepted. Ask her if she still wants the marriage or not? If she doesn't then let her go. If she does, then counseling should NOT be an option. It should be a REQUIREMENT if she wants the two of you to remain together.

You asked if you had grounds for divorce. The Bible does make provision for divorce if one person has been unfaithful (Matthew 19:9). You did not say what it is your wife won't forgive. If you were unfaithful and she is not willing to forgive, then it is our opinion that the two of you should prayerfully go your separate ways. We say this because without forgiveness there can NOT be reconciliation. Forgiveness is the door, so to speak, that leads to reconciliation. Think about it, it's how we were reconciled with Christ. He forgave us of all our sins by dying on the cross. Because of that we can now be reconciled with Him. So, if she is saying she won't forgive and doesn't want the marriage, then let it go. But you must first ask her point blank what she wants.

Remaining in an abusive situation for the sake of your children is actually doing them more harm than good. Children learn what they see.


We hope we have said something to help you. We will be praying for you.


With Christ's Love,
Mike and Wanda