Christian Marriage Question: Self Pleasure

Christian Marriage Question: Does the Bible say anything about self pleasure in the area of sex when one partner or the other either will not or can not participate in normal sexual activity? I have searched and have not found anything. I have conflicting opinions within my own mind.

Answer: When you say "self pleasure", we assume you are speaking of masturbation. No, the Bible does not speak on whether this is permissible if one partner will not or can not participate in sexual intercourse.

There is one Scripture in the Bible that some Christians have used inappropriately, in our opinion, to support their view that masturbation is wrong. That Scripture can be found in Genesis 38:9 and tells the story of Onan. During sex with his deceased brother's wife (Tamar), Onan withdrew his penis and allowed his semen to fall to the ground to prevent Tamar from becoming pregnant. The reason he did this was because he did not want to father children that were not his personal heirs. God was angered by this and as a result, Onan was put to death.

The problem with using this Scripture to say that masturbation is wrong is that the above Scripture is NOT about masturbation. To make it about masturbation would be taking the Scripture out of it's original context.

In those days, it was the law of Moses that a surviving brother would marry his deceased brother's wife -- it was the law. Onan agreed to marry Tamar but every time he had sex with her, he purposely ejaculated on the ground to prevent her from becoming pregnant. Agreeing to marry her, according to the law, but then purposely not getting her pregnant was deceitful and wicked in the sight of God. Which is why God killed him.

And so, while we do believe masturbation is a sin for unmarried Christians, we feel consensual masturbation between husband and wife is permissible as long as it is consensual and the following things are kept in mind:

- It must not involve pornography.
- It must not involve fantasizing about other people.
- It should not be done as a means of self gratification when the two of you have had an argument.
- It must not be kept a secret from your mate.
- You must be careful not to be overtaken, as masturbation can become addicting. Any addiction is sin.

The above guidelines should be followed if a spouse is unable to participate in sexual intimacy. However, if a spouse is able to perform sexually but merely refuses to do so, this we believe is an entirely different situation. This behavior is likely an indicator that there are hidden issues of the heart. In such cases, self gratification is not the answer. The two of you would need to seek counseling to uncover the real issue. Or at the very least have a conversation about what the problem could be.

We hope that answers your question.


Blessings,
Ministers Mike and Wanda