Christian Sex & Marriage Communication Questions

by Jackon
(Tanzania)

Christian Sex & Marriage Communication Question

Marriage Communication Question: I live away from home due to work commitments but hope to be back soon. Therefore there is need for constant communication even if its just to hear each others voices. I strive at least to either call, SMS or e-mail. I believe in communication to strengthen our marriage and keep us in check and bond us. But this seems not her meat. Sometimes my SMS's, E-mails and missed calls are not returned which discourages me and its quite frustrating. I don't get a sufficient answer for this. And I feel I'm forcing it on her.

Kindly advise on what could be a possible problem on her side and what I can do?



Christian Sex Question:

- Oral sex is it confined strictly to use of mouth on the genitals?
- Is mutual masturbation a sin?
- What is romance bibilically? How should one be romantic without going out of scripture?
- How do we spice up our sex life without going into sin?

Thanks for your articles. They have been a blessing.

Answer:

Hi Jackson!

We pray all is well in Tanzania and are delighted to provide you with any help that we can. Regarding your question about communication, we don't believe that there is a problem on her side. Does that mean you have a problem? No. It simply means the two of you have different expectations and needs.

Several years ago, we experienced a similar situation in our marriage. One of us was more communicative by way of e-mails, phone calls, etc. The other person was not. Eventually, the person who was more communicative began to feel frustrated, and unappreciated. When we came together to resolve the matter, we realized the problem had more to do with our different needs and expectations then it did our love for each other.

Your desire obviously is to communicate with your wife frequently when you are away. But since marriage is about the needs of two individuals, you must discover what your wife's wishes are regarding communication when you are away from home. Allow her to express how she feels and listen without interrupting. Once each of you have expressed your desires in this area you must then meet in the middle by coming up with an agreement that is satisfying to each of you. For instance, you may agree to call her once a day, maybe before she goes to bed each evening when you're out of town. The two of you will have to come up with the details but it must be agreed upon by both of you.

Regarding her not returning your calls. Explain to your wife how this makes you feel. It is not enough to say "this really annoys me", or this "frustrates me". If it makes you feel insignificant tell her that. If it makes you worry whether something has happened to her, then tell her that. When she understands how her actions are wounding you or causing you concern, she should be open to making a few adjustments.

You also had a few questions about Christian sex. Let's see if we can answer those:

1. Is Oral Sex strictly confined to mouth to genitals? Yes, as far as we understand.
The word "oral" means pertaining to the mouth, so we would have to say that oral sex is only relative to sexual stimulation of the genitals using the mouth.

2. Is mutual masturbation a sin? Masturbation for single Christians is sinful as far as we believe. But consensual masturbation between husband and wife is not a sin providing you keep the following things in mind:

- it must not involve pornography
- it must not involve fantasizing about other people
- it should not be done as a means of self gratification when the two of you have had an argument.
- be careful not to be overtaken, as masturbation can become addicting. Any addiction is sin.

3. What is romance Biblically? Although, the Bible does not give a definition for "Romance", the Songs of Solomon would be a good book of the Bible to read. It is considered to be the most romantic book of the Bible.

You asked how you can be romantic without going into sin. Well, this is easy to do if you realize that romance has nothing to do with sex, at least as far as your wife is concerned. Read how to romance your wife, Part 1 and Part II in order to gain more insight into the needs of your wife.

On the other hand, where sex is concerned you can spice things up a bit with games, toys, massage oils, sexy lingerie, trying different positions, or even changing locations.

As far as what is acceptable and what is not, read sex in the Bible, it tells you specifically what sexual acts are not acceptable. You can also read anal sex and the Bible.

As far as anything else is concerned, just make sure it does not go against scripture, and does not make your wife uncomfortable. If either of you is uncomfortable, or has doubts about a particular sexual act, it is best not to engage in it. Follow the leading of the Spirit who lives inside of you.


We hope this helps!


Standing on God's Promises!
Mike and Wanda


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