Communication Issues

by Darius Battle

Question: Communication Issues. I'm certain that God sent my Fiance because she's everything I prayed for. For some time now I've felt like giving up in our relationship because it begins to become really stressful. I'm not understood,(She look at things one sided, just from her view) then when she give me directions on things I can do to help her look at things in a ease way its still a problem. She has a really hard time explaining herself and when she can't explain herself, she gives up or if she explains something and I comment on what was said, she's upset only to find out an 1hour later she was trying to say something totally different, but how do I know she meant something else.

It's not like I miss understand her because my comprehension level is really high. I'm a really good listener and I usually encourage everyone myself. I try presenting ideas&she takes offense to them as if I trying to make her consider what I'm suggesting. Its like we are playing toggle war&she thinks I'm against her when she know that's not the case. If I say something positive and it pertains to something or a situation, she'll try to find a way to take it the other way. She gets upset when she's corrected from anyone. I tell her not to get upset but corrections is for us to learn from things, not to make us feel low but to push her further in life. If I explain something to her she'll say she understands what I'm saying, then 10 minutes later she responds as if she didn't. We're both young ministers and I've been living for God since I was 20 and now I'm 24. I love her to death and I know that God called her to be my wife but at times this gets discouraging. What should I do about this?

Answer:

Hi Darius:


Communication is one of the biggest problems married couples have and it's simply because men and women communicate differently. Other things that can complicate matters even more so, are your different upbringings and each person's level of maturity.


From what you have said, your fiance' seems to be very immature. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to remedy that. It's going take her staying in God's Word, constantly examining herself in accordance to the Word, and consistently praying.


We do have one suggestion that should cut down on the communication confusion. And that is, to simply have the listener repeat what the speaker said but in his/her own words. So, if you are explaining something to your fiance', ask her if she understood or not. If she says yes, then take it a step further and ask her to tell you what she understood you to say. Likewise, when she talks to you, you be sure to do the same thing. Repeat back to her what you believe she is saying. If what the listener repeated is wrong, then give the speaker an opportunity to clarify. Repeat this cycle until the listener is clear about the message that was conveyed.

Darius, it is prudent to work on these things now because the same issues that you have while you're dating, will be the same issues that you have after you are married. So take your time and get to the bottom of your issues now.


Thank you so much for visiting our site. We pray God's blessings upon you.


With Christ's Love,
Mike and Wanda