Conflict in New Marriage

by Yolanda
(Arizona)

Conflict in New Marriage Please Help


Question: My husband and I have been married for about 4 months now. I also recently gave my life to the Lord. Right now we are having a lot of conflict. I find myself getting very angry and sad at times. My husband is a fan of the law of attraction and the secret. Since coming to the Lord I have tried to set focus on God and his counsel. When we argue I am always told that everything that he does and says being right or wrong I attract to my self. This leaves me feeling like I am to blame for everything. Do you know what the Bible says about attracting circumstances to yourself? I also feel like when your serving God you should let go of the worldly things. So I have decided that I would no longer listen to or watch some of the things I use to. My husband thinks it's fine as long as it doesn't affect him. So when I'm not around he'll find entertainment in Japanese cartoons about evil, music with cursing, etc. He read in the Bible everything is permissible. But I feel like it's not right. He always tells me why it is fine and I am over reacting? Could I be???

Thank you so much for your advice and time God Bless!!!


Answer:

Hi Yolanda!

We pray all is well in Arizona. I actually lived there from 1986-1991. But anyway as far as your question is concerned, we do not think you are over reacting. We do not think it is wise to mix Biblical principles with what we call New Age principles. Some of the teachings sound similar to Biblical principles but in actuality are not the same. As Christians, the Word of God should be the only authority in our lives.

The Word of God is sufficient in and of it's self to lead and guide us into the truth; we do not need supplemental principles from the world. Your husband's premise that you are attracting his bad or good behavior to yourself is not scriptural. Each of us is responsible and will have to give an account to God for our own actions. His behavior is a choice, and a result of what is in his heart, not a result of anything you are thinking or doing. Matthew 12:34 says that out of the abundance of a man's heart does his mouth speak. So in other words, what's on the inside of us will come out in our behavior.

The scripture that says everything is permissible is 1 Corinthians 6:12, and your husband is taking it out of context. It is a good practice to read an entire chapter surrounding a scripture, rather than merely pulling out one portion of the text. It is important to find out who the writer was talking to and what he was talking about. We can not teach this text to you today, so we recommend you study it in it's entirety. Just know that Paul was not saying we can do anything we want. If that was the case, then it would be okay to watch pornography, okay to participate in drugs, and okay to do a number of things, but it's not.

Romans 12:2 tells us the following:

"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."

Here is what we suggest you do:

1. If the two of you are not active members of a church, we suggest you ask God to lead you to a good Bible teaching church and become actively involved. That means attending Bible studies, and getting involved in their marriage ministry if they have one. If your husband doesn't want to go, then you go alone.

2. In cases where the wife is a believer and the husband is not, the Bible says that the wife can win the husband over by her behavior. We're not totally convinced that your husband really is saved, so we think this scripture is applicable in your situation.

What that means for you is that you'll need to let go of your anger and frustration where your husband is concerned and be sure to demonstrate the love of God to him at all times. This will not be easy but it is the right thing to do if you ever want your husband to see the error of his ways. Arguing with him will do little to no good at all.

3. Develop the habit of praying for your husband on a daily basis. Pray that his eyes would be opened to the Truth. In addition to praying for your husband, pray that God will give you wisdom and grace to be the wife that your husband needs and to be the woman God desires you to be.

In the mean time, we will be praying for the two of you as well.


Love in Christ,
Mike and Wanda

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