Why Are Couples Arguing So Much?

The arguing couple that no one wants to invite over because before the evening ends, the two of you will end up in a heated exchange of words.

Michael and I hated arguing because of the emotional and physical distance it placed between us. But even still, it seemed as if arguing was becoming a regular routine.

Fortunately, as time went on, and we matured in Christ, our arguments became less frequent, and resolution came quickly.

If you've ever asked yourself "why do we argue so much?" We are going to give you six possible causes of marriage arguments.

These were the reasons we were arguing so much:

Why Do We Argue So Much?
Christian Couples Arguing Out of Pain

Unresolved Past Hurts - You have unresolved issues with your spouse. One of you was hurt by the actions of the other. In a quick attempt to make things right, the concern was discussed superficially and apologies are given. But the deeper issue that caused the problem was never revealed, and so the root of the problem was never dealt with.

Over time, that unresolved hurt which was swept under the rug eventually turns into bitterness. Unfortunately, when you become bitter the other person can do nothing right in your eyes. The solution is to uncover it. Put it all on the table; the good, the bad and the ugly. Discuss it honestly and openly without judging or blaming and make a decision to forgive.

The Newlywed Blues - Couples arguing shortly after marrying is common. Frequent misunderstandings and quarreling are sometimes frequent with newly married couples because you are each on unfamiliar territory.

The solution is to get a better understanding. Purchase books about Christian marriage and read them together. Also, develop relationships with other Christian couples who have been married longer and can share their experience with you.

Untamed Tongues - You talk more than you listen. You speak in anger. And you think every opinion you have needs to be voiced. Well, what does the Bible say?

The Bible provides the following solutions: Proverbs 15:1 says, "A soft answer turns away wrath: but greivous words stir up anger." James 1:19 says, "be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry."

Follow God's intructions by taming your tongue and improvement is guaranteed to follow.

Christian Couples Arguing for Control
I'm Right! You're Wrong!

Not Understanding Your Differences - You think you're always right. This was one of our big problems. After marriage we discovered how different we were and refused to accept those differences. We each thought there was something wrong with the other person. When different opinions were expressed, we each were determined to prove our point was correct. It never dawned on us that God created us each different for a purpose. Different did not equal wrong, it was just different.

Self Righteous- You are are extremely criticle of your mate. You have a blind eye when it comes to seeing your own faults, but you have x-ray vision when it comes to pointing out the flaws of your mate. You think your spouse is the problem, but the truth is you both have issues. The Bible says not to think of yourself more highly than you ought to. There is only one who is perfect and that is God.

Not Walking in the Spirit - In Galations 5:16 it tells us to walk in the spirit so that we do not fulfill the desires of the flesh. Well, many of us are saved but we do not practice walking in the spirit. Instead we are controlled by our flesh. We are prideful instead of humble, we are short tempered instead of patient and kind. Whatever our flesh feels, we go with it. We should be speaking to our flesh and telling it how things are going to be but instead we allow our flesh to dictate our every move.

But it is only by walking in the spirit that you can walk away from an argument; it is only by walking in the spirit you can apologize even if you are not in the wrong; it is only by walking in the spirit you can hold your tongue and refuse to spit out harmful words. If both partners in a Christian marriage are being controlled by their flesh, arguments will always be frequent. Our advice is this, even if only one person is willing to walk in the spirit, one of you needs to set the example for the other.