Dirty Talk in Christian Marriage Bed

by George
(Canada)

Christian Marriage Question: My wife and I enjoy talking dirty in the bedroom. Using slang words for body parts and the act of intercourse. Is this wrong within a Christian Marriage? We don't use these words outside our bedroom.

Answer: Hello George. Thank you for such an interesting question. We know that the Bible tells us that we will be held accountable for every idle or careless word we speak (Matthew 12:36). Ephesians 5:4 goes on to say, "Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes--these are not for you. Instead, let there be thankfulness to God." (Ephesians 5:4 New Living Translation)

These scriptures establish for us the importance God places on the words that come out of our mouths.

However, keep in mind that the language, and syntax of our times is not the same as it was in Biblical times. Regarding human genitalia and sex, none of the terminologies we use today were used back then, slang or medical terms. In other words, the Bible does not mention terms such as "Vagina", or "Penis". These are not Biblical terminologies but rather a result of our day and times. You may find those words in an updated translation of the Bible but you won't find them in the original manuscript.

Likewise, the word "sexual intercourse" was not even heard of during Bible times. The Bible refers to sexual intercourse as "to know". For example in Genesis it states that Adam knew his wife Eve and she conceived a son. So, is it wrong for us to say "sexual intercourse", rather than saying, "to know"? Absolutely not.

Furthermore, even King Solomon in the Song of Songs uses many poetic metaphors, or phrases to describe sex with his wife. His peers may have considered his language to be "slang" during that era.

After taking all of these things into consideration, we think it is okay to use slang in the Christian bedroom. But because you know you will be held accountable for every word you say, you must make sure your language does not dishonor God or your spouse. By the way, we don't like the phrase "dirty talk" because to us it implies words that are unclean, filthy, or sinful in nature. Why not think of another name for it, like "flirty talk", "hot talk", or "sensual talk". Just a thought.

Anyway, these are a few things the two of you should keep in mind:

1. The words spoken should not include profanity (curse words)

2. The words are not degrading to either person

3. The words do not condemn

4. The words do not cause guilt or shame

5. You are not mimicking the world by repeating what you saw on television or in an adult movie (Be not conformed to this world, but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, Romans 12:2)

6. The Bible says that the Holy Spirit will lead you into all truth. Therefore, if you have doubts about a particular thing you've said, trust your feelings as the Holy Spirit directing you.

If you follow the leading of the Holy Spirit, you will never go wrong.


We hope that helps. Peace and Blessings upon you and your wife.

Love in Christ,
Ministers Mike and Wanda


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