Emotional Abuse in Christian Marriage

by Michael Davis
(Chicago,Il USA)

Question: Emotional Abuse in Christian Marriage. My wife has walked out on me on 2 separate occasions and now she is planning a 3rd one. In the past she walked out with no warning but she recently gave me a three week notice with the same excuse she doesn't love me anymore. I have never abused my wife in anyway and always welcomed her back.I don't want a divorce but I feel I should take a stand this time. When we got married I purchased her a vehicle in my name and I should take it back and change the locks in my house when she leaves because I'm getting tired. Please don't get me wrong but the only excuses I ever receive is I don't love you anymore,we've grown apart,now I don't love you like a wife should love her husband. This is both our second marriage and my wife has had some past issues concerning her daughter,her deceased father and a issue with a past romance which resulted in the mantude that everything must be her way burning her daughters hand leaving it permanently disfigured. Also my daughter and my wife can't seem to get along since day one,my wife has a selfish attitude that everything must be her way or no ones way. I believe my wife's daughter is using the past incident to get her Mother to watch her kids while she serves in the military and this the reason she wants to move on because she holds what happened in the past against her. I love my wife and will welcome her back but I'm tired of the mental abuse. She has told me she know she has hurt but she is sorry . What should I do? I want my marriage to work and don't want a divorce but these aren't the biblical reasons for it we have tried counseling but it didn't work I am desperate.


Answer: Hello Michael, first we want to tell you how sorry we are that you have to endure this emotional abuse. Abuse of any kind is grounds for separation as far as we are concerned. So, If your wife says she wants to go, let her go. And we see nothing wrong with changing the locks on your doors and asking that she return the car. You said, you would gladly take her back. Well, she knows that and that is why she continues to play emotional games with you. You must put your foot down and set boundaries with her. If she decides one day that she wants to come back, you should only allow her to come back if she agrees to help during the time of separation. You said she had some unresolved issues from the past but it also sounds as is she may be bipolar. If that's the case, it's no wonder counseling didn't work --- she may need medication. But regardless of that, the situation is not going to change until she gets the help she needs. And that means getting help because she wants help, not because she's trying to appease you.

You didn't say, but it does not sound as if your wife is saved. If that is the case, this is what the Bible says, "But if those who are not believers decide to leave, let them. When this happens, the Christian man or woman is free. But God called us to live in peace. " 1 Corinthians 7:13-15.

Finally, begin to intercede on behalf of your wife. Pray for her daily and ask the Lord to show you exactly how to handle the situation. Use the time apart to recommit yourself to the Lord and strengthen your relationship with Him. If you haven't been attending church, start. Surround yourself with Goldy people who will encourage you.

Also, considering all that you have been through, individual counseling would probably benefit you a great deal.


Be encouraged and continue to trust God. WE will be praying for you.



In Christ,
Mike and Wanda