Engaged and expecting need parents support

Question: Engaged and expecting need parents support. My fiance and I have been engaged for six months, and we are five months pregnant. We are 22 and 24 years old and have known each other for 2 and a half years. My parents now know of the pregnancy and in the nicest terms are hysterical. The most common word that has been dealt to me is that they are 'ashamed'. I'm a shame to my family and their name and I'm no longer considered my mother's daughter.

My parents have been very unsupportive of the engagement from the beginning, they do not like that he is American and I am Canadian, and we plan to move back to the States upon my graduation in less than 3 months. They are extremely judgmental of him, and very close-minded in their journey to accept him and support our marriage. Now, matters are evidently worse.

Since he is from the States and we are living in Canada till I graduate, he is staying with our family friends and neighbors and I am living at home, with my parents.

What do you suggest I do from here within the next two months to bring some level of understanding and relationship back into the situation?

To make matter even more complicated, my parents were 6 months pregnant with me when they got married, and my mom wasn't even out of her divorce when they got pregnant with me. So I am feeling their self-righteous act is very ignorant of their own lives and journey as individuals and a couple. I don't judge them for it, and never have.

I simply want a good relationship with my parents, for it to be restored before I move to the States. And for their feelings towards their unborn grandchild to be loving, not in hatred and shame.

Answer: First let me say that your parents likely do not mean the unkind words that they have spoken. They are merely hurt and upset. Why? Because every parent wants the absolute best for their child. Entering into a marriage with a baby on the way isn't exactly the "best" situation. Sure, they may have made a similar mistake but that's why they don't want you to make the same mistake --they've been down that road already.

But I wouldn't worry too much about their anger right now. First of all, a new born baby has a way of melting hearts. I've seen it happen time after time. Secondly, while you would like to have the support of your parents, marriage is about "leaving and cleaving." Which means, the support of your parents is not necessary in order for you to move on with your life. Yes, it would be nice but when it comes to a marriage covenant, that covenant comes before parents.

What should you do for now? Give this over to God completely. Don't argue with your parents or remind them of their past sins -- it won't help. Change your attitude and kindly let them know that you appreciate how much they love you. And that you understand that they only want what's best for you. Go on to tell them that while it would be great to have their support and have them in the life of your child, that you can't change what has happened and you two will be moving forward with or without their support. Make sure you stress that your preference is WITH their support. Also, let them know that supporting you does not mean that they necessarily AGREE with your decisions. After that, leave it up to them. Next, be prepared to listen to whatever they have to say without arguing.

Finally, make sure that the two of you have really prayed about your decision and are not making a hasty decision. Pregnancy is not a reason to get married or even speed up a wedding date. So, use wisdom and listen to prudent advice. above all, listen to the Spirit of God.



Blessings,
Wanda