Facebook Problems and Married Couples

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Facebook Problems and Married Couples

by Wanda Collins
(Christian Marriage Today)

Is Facebook too Risky for Married Couples?

Facebook problems and Married couples? What does one have to do with the other? Well, recently I was visiting a Christian marriage forum and I read a post from a Christian husband which was disturbing to say the least.

Apparently, his wife had connected with an old boyfriend on Facebook and had been communicating with this guy for fourteen months. Well, apparently she decided it was time to break the news to her husband along with the news that she planned to leave him. The two of them have been married for 12 years and have 6 children.

Are you ready for this? A few days later, I read a similar story, this time from a woman whose husband had apparently been involved emotionally via Facebook with various women in other countries. By the way, he too planned to leave his wife.

These stories were so disturbing to me I wanted to discuss them here with you girls and hash out some ideas and possible solutions. I don't want to talk about solutions for the unnamed couples. I want your thoughts on how you can avoid falling into this same trap.

Many couples share e-mail accounts and Facebook accounts in order to promote honesty within their relationship. Personally, my husband and I have separate e-mail accounts and separate Facebook accounts. However, our Facebook profile photos display a picture of the two of us together. This way, our marital status is known right from the start to anyone who visits our page.

What do you think? Do you and your spouse have separate Facebook accounts? Do you see Facebook as a risk for married couples? Should married couples have guidelines in their marriages regarding the use of Facebook and other social websites?

How can we as Christian wives avoid situations like the ones above?

Leave Facebook problems return to Christian wives internet cafe'

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Facebook Problems and Married Couples

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It Is Up To U
by: Sam

I am not married I am just single. But I have lots of friends who are in a devoted relationship and marriage. So according to what I observed, I will try to give some balanced view on this issue. Facebook is a virtual social world in my view. You can meet new friends everywhere like in the real world u meet new people on the street or in the mall. Facebook narrows the gap by making every person in this world to be a potential friend. This is a good opportunity and at the same time very risky. Here is the problem, first let me ask u a question. Do u believe that a single person can be a friend with every person in this world? We all agree that the answer to this question is 'NO'. but the main obstacle is most Facebook profiles are fake even the real ones may not reflect the true personality of Their subject. So let me say I am married and a girl asks me to be her friend on Facebook. I automatically say yes, because I can see that she just wants me for friendship. But after that she may text me or try to do something far more beyond friendship boarder. And that can tempt every man. So here is what to do as far as you can don't add people you don't know if u are married. If you do be cautious and strait forward. First be strait forward till u get to know the person. Other wise things may get complicated. So that's my advise.

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please
by: Anonymous

Seriously. if your marriage is failing because you do not trust each other, Facebook is not to blame.

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Facebook destroys marriages..
by: Anonymous

Absolutely, 100% YES!! Facebook is a HUGE problem in marriages!! If you have an insecure spouse to begin with, you are foolish to open a FB account. The most harmless gestures (ie: "liking" a post) can create an argument. In my opinion it just isn't worth it.

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where will your life be?
by: Anonymous

Where will your life be? In a year in 10 years. In twenty to facebook the unchanged avalanche of crap that continuously comes out of peoples imagination never ceases to amaze me. The fact that a person is involved with someone and breaks up in the old days was that not the end of it? this facebook friend request bullcrap has become the downfall of humanity in the sense that married couples can no longer enjoy a private life on facebook. Heres another good one once you are on facebook try to opt out of the application I challenge you to it is impossible you can request it but your request is never honored. So requests to leave facebook and old flames coming back in the form of facebook friends oh and lets not forget the cellphone industry has been infiltrated as well by facebook there are phones that come equipped with facebook buttons installed. this is sick!!!! the barrage of pornography on facebook that you may not see but it exists do you think mark zuckerberg cares about this at this point with all of that money in his pocket? It all started over a girl that he wanted to date in college that rejected him so in retaliation over that he created a computer network for "hooking up for sex." Now, as he hides under his money and team of lawyers on call to defend his every move, his rejection of love is now truly the devil's workshop.

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FACEBOOK ISSUES
by: Jazzy0

When me and my husband fall out he adds women as friends that she shouldn't. We aren't Facebook friends because he deleted me as a friend when he blasted me in a negative way after an argument. He put pictures his friends in his profile before he put a picture of me. He has mostly only said negative things about me on Facebook. He has flirted with women and been a part of questionable groups. He recently added a woman as a friend who he hooked her cable up and flirted with her. He added her and I deleted her. He recently added her again after we argued. He admitted to me that at the time he was thinking of cheating on me. He also sent a flirty text to her. If I say something all he gone do is blow up and say it's nothing but he know he did it to spite me. This is a man who once told me he don't believe married people should be on Facebook because it opens the door for temptation. He the one that has walked through the darn door or knocked on it to many times. I have said some bad things in an incognito way .. I admit. Majority I've said great things about my husband. Anytime we get into a bad blow out he wants to end our marriage and he does something dumb on Facebook like blast me or add women. At one point he told me he was asking women to be his friends because they had nice pictures because he wasn't happy with me and I wasn't attractive enough.

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Facebook
by: Anonymous

For me Facebook is a one of the platforms of communication in this age, like a cell phone, email, however is more advanced.

I am married with 2 kids, my husband and I have separate accounts - which he is free to access if he pleases and vice-versa. I had it first because I like sharing with people especially the word of God, I like counseling too. I keep my pvt life as minimum as possible, I don't befriend ex - why?

As married wives (couples) we need to have relationships that contribute to the fulfillment of our marriage! who edify us, who support both of us, marriage can be hectic esp when you have kids,and plus friends, work etc... why waste time hooking up with ex girlfriend / boyfriend? don't have the time really! its not a hate thing but a priority thing..

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Facebook
by: Anonymous

My husband and I each have a Facebook account but we are "friends" on the accounts so you can see what is posted and who they are communicating with. I personally like Facebook to keep in touch with family and old friends I would otherwise lose touch with. After a few of my own posts upset my husband for whatever reason (even if I didn't understand it), out of respect to him, I try to keep my posts to a minimal and not about our lives. Anyway, my husband told me quite bluntly and honestly that a lot of the women on his account, were old "encounters". My husband stays home with our 2 kids and home schools them and takes care of our small farm. He needs other adults to interact with, even if only on-line. If he was going to cheat, he will find a way--Facebook just makes it easier, but that is world we live in. God does not promise a life without temptation, just a path through it.

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Seriously...
by: Anonymous

Life is a temptation, the challenge is to live it to the best of your ability and be the best person you can be. I have 2 main problems with what is being discussed: 1) you have so little trust in your spouse that you snoop in every area of their personal space; and 2) you have so little personal control, you use social networking to have an affair. Conclusion, neither of you are ready for a committed relationship and religion has nothing to do with it. It is ridiculous to ask another human being to stop looking, talking, acknowledging someone of the opposite sex; because they marry you. Grow some self esteem and put off the wedding until you do!

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Husband and wife relationship & Facebook
by: Anonymous

My wife add male friends on her Facebook account but I don't like her to make male friends because I think it will not end there. I think it will further flourish and next step is starting dating and then maybe making sex with each other.

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Friends are not always your friends!
by: Lorainne

I believe that Facebook can be fun, and a good way to connect to friends and family, but there are always those of the opposite sex who have ulterior motives for being on Facebook. Troubled people will always try to cause trouble for other people if they see them as happier than they are. They see you and your spouse as a happy couple, and this is attractive to them. Some of them may secretly want what you have, or they want to destroy what you have. Trust me, they will try to connect with your spouse and the Facebook allows them to come into your world as a friend. You and your spouse should be very careful who you allow to be your Facebook friends.

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Facebook & Marriage Problems
by: Jacquie Schmidt

Personally I don't believe Facebook is to blame for this! It may be a form of temptation, but in this world there are MANY forms of temptation. We are all accountable for our own actions, and frankly IF you have to have the same email & Facebook accounts to "make sure" things are kosher, well then, I believe there are many underlying problems already.

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Not sure how to approach with my husband
by: Anonymous

My husband and I have different Facebook accounts. Before we were married the subject of a woman he used to date and that he claimed was just a friend made me uncomfortable so we discussed it and he said he would not speak to her anymore. Several months ago he had his Facebook on our smart television and I saw where this woman requested him as a friend. He never accepted . I said something like have any old romantic interest contacted you lately and he said no. Without telling him I knew she wanted to be friends , he change his password I think because he knew I must have seen this. Well he is pretty private with his Facebook when I am around he quickly closes it. This past weekend he went out and the temptation to look at his iPad Facebook app where a password is not required got the best of me. I looked at his private messages and she sent him a message and he did respond to it saying it was great to hear from her and asked her to tell him more about her recently going back to school. She responded with a long update on what she is doing and ended it saying that she was looking forward to hearing from him. Innocent talk at this point but I do plan to monitor it to see what he will do. In my opinion this is a inappropriate for him to do as we have discussed this long ago and he knows how I feel about this woman and him communicating. I do Love my husband and I really have been a good wife and he always says that he is so happy with me. What should I do?

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HUSBAND/FACEBOOK
by: Anonymous

My husband had a facebook account and I did not have or want one. I could not see what the attraction was, I thought it was for teenagers and he is way beyond teenage years. He kept spending time on the computer telling me he was looking for old air force buddies and telling me he was playing games and closing the page when I walked by. One day he got called to work for an emergency and probably thought he would get home before I did and could finish what he was doing.
What a surprise I got when I found his page. No air force buddies, no relatives, just female friends from all over the country. His profile did not say anything about being married. I defriended most of the women, changed his profile to (susiejohnsmith) marked that he was married and was waiting for him when he got home. He told me the women where facebook friends his brother told him to befriend. His brother is single. I asked if his brother told him to jump off the cliff would he do it. It is now a joint account and he does not use it much. I now have passwords to all his accounts and check up on him.

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Facebook problems
by: Anonymous

I believe that if you truly want to preserve your marriage, you will not have any Facebook accounts, separate email and especially opposite sex friends. Also forget about online chatting. You will open yourself up for intrusions/danger.
Willard F. Harley, Jr., PHD, has a body of work that addresses many marriage building concepts.

Holding yourself and your family to the highest moral standards can be very challenging; however, the reward can be exactly what we really want for ourselves and our children.

Check out the owners and operators of Facebook to get a feel as to whether you would trust your family or children to them (try not to barf).
Any time you talk to someone, relationship building begins whether you realize it or not.

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I looked this up to show her what christian women are saying
by: Lost in Houston

My girlfriend and I are planning to be married. But we have fought over Facebook now for 2 months. She added complete strangers to her account before we met. I've asked her to take them off because it makes no sense to add people she's never met. Then a Guy she used to be intimate with sent a friend request after we've been together and she accepts. When I find out she tells me I'm insecure. But she would not like the idea of me adding my old girlfriend who I was in love with. The worst part was I had to find out by investigating because my gut feeling was she's not being honest. The last point is she had male "friends" who she went to school with commenting on her pictures.Talking about they like the views of her. But being very clear of what they are looking at. Even thoughtge pictures are clean picture that her mom could see. I ask what is the story on these guys and why if they are just Platonic friends, why are they talking about her innapropiate ways. Why would she want keethose types of connections open? Of course its my insecurity from my past? God gives me insight and He allows me to see what I need to see in time. She recently shut down the account, minimizing the account as its no big deal but when its time to discuss things she shuts down and tells me its just me.

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Facebook and couples
by: Anonymous

Facebook is not at fault here. If someone cheats and or leaves there partner, husband or wife then its because they have been wanting to for some time and that there is some underlying buried problem between the couple that has not been talked over. Facebook and twitter is not the reason why people cheat or leave .Facebook and twitter just make it easier to do so. If Facebook and other social networking didn't exist the people that have cheated and left would still do so just in a different way.

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Facebook is from the devil
by: Jme

Maybe it's harsh to say, but nothing good comes from facebook. it is a time waster and when we're on our deathbed, do you really think anyone will say, "Gee, I wish I spent more time on facebook!" I don't think so. It's not edifying and I think if Christians would clearly understand that, we'd all be better off. Especially since reading all of these posts and knowing circumstances around me and even myself. I'm telling you, Facebook is evil. Evil!!!

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FB isn't the problem; the marriage is.
by: Anonymous

If a marriage is in trouble, Facebook may accelerate the demise of the couple, but I don't believe that a joint account is the answer. Joint accounts are annoying. If I post a message to a friend, I want to know that she's seeing it, not that her husband is looking over her shoulder. My husband and I have separate accounts (thank God because he has 600+ friends since he was a youth pastor and I have only 150 friends who I know and love). We trust each other because our relationship is strong. Most of the time we sit side-by-side on the couch and correspond with old friends. We don't have rules for each other, but out of respect for my marriage, I won't accept any friend requests from former boyfriends. My husband and I work together, live together, and play together; a little time apart via FB is definitely not a bad thing.

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Time to make DECISIONS
by: MS

Bishop Dale C Bonner made an excellent comment the other night on TBN. He said and incision is to cut into but a decision is to cut off. He said over 25 years ago he made DECISION to cut off all other women who would vie for the spot his wife obtained. He made the choice designed to "CUT OFF" all other options. Many people forget the decision they made, the marriage vows they made; in particular the vow to "forsake all others." The problem with FB and other types of social media is that it opens up the options again and weak Christians, who should be a shining example of faith, hope and love are slipping and tripping all over the place. Marriages and commitments fail because of the lack of maturity and selfishness required in the decision to remain committed "in the good and bad...in sickness and in health...for richer for poorer...." God help us all in making the right DECISIONS and having the RESOLVE to keep them.

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I NEED HELP ON THIS ONE
by: Anonymous

I posted"i say no to facebook"now
Ii need help.my husband is on facebook I deleted my profile , i found out that my husband was flirting with a number of girls and he had an affair with one girl she leaves far from us and they never met.it was just chatting on face book.when I found out I confronted him about it and he said he was sorry and he wont do it again. Now my problem is I find he sends friend request to women he doesn't know the kind with sexually suggestive profile pictures and it really worries me considering past events.now I'm tired of talking about it affects me because we end up fighting and he says its just facebook he doesn't intend to do anything about the relationships.I try so much not to confront him about this.but if I think of how bad it went in the past i get angry. Should I not worry?

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What's with the secrets!?!
by: Anonymous

I haven't even been married a year and my husband has a facebook account that his private and all his info is hidden. So, I joined and sent him a add as friend request and I got nothing. That was last week, I checked his history and he has signed in multiple times since. What the heck? Should I just say something? I just don't want to make it sound like it's bugging me or a big deal, even though it's making me wonder why? Ugh! I don't think married couples should be on those types of sites unless they share an account.

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Facebook/Cheating
by: PHouston

My husband located a former girlfriend on facebook. They communicated often and then finally met up and had an affair. He moved in with her and he and I have been separated for 1 year. The situation seems hopeless and helpless. I love my husband and am praying for reconciliation. A lot of my friends and family feel he shouldn't be forgiven and I should move on. That's easier said than done. We've been together for 25 years and I believe deep down inside my husband is truly sorry and if he would acknowledge that and truly repent and humble himself, all things are possible. I want to blame facebook but it's just a tool and if we use tools in the wrong way, they can be destructive as in this case. Please pray for us.

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I took i was the only one
by: SC

My husband hide everything to me, his passwords not only from FB, but the most account . Even he dons want to put our pic or that he is married. That has put some doubt in me against him. We had a lot of troubles, and we are just 2 years marriage. Every time I forgive him, I find something new. I don't know how to reject on this. And I don't know what is permitted or not. But I put my faith on the Lord. Because we shall not go alone on this road! God bless you all.

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The internet inself is a risk for marriage couples if they are not firm in God
by: SC

God bless you all! I'm agree with the most of you sister's in Jesus. Not only FB but there's a lot of int. communication's that's a big risk for marriage couple. My marriage was at risk some times. My husband and I are young couples thats way I want to ask something. IF is it right to check into my husband message on FB or other internet account? Because I feel like maybe I am doing something wrong? Or is it fine if I try to rescue my marriage that way? I know that the better thing is to wait on the Lord!

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i say no to facebook
by: Anonymous

@Gretchen I agree with you 100% the heck with Facebook it has no positive input to anyone.its just opening doors for the enemy to creep and destroy marriages.i am not going to go into detail on how it affected my marriage. But the sooner we all leave that site the better. Having the same account e.t.c does not help matters its just a place for teenagers.

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Facebook
by: Anonymous

Me and my husband have separate FB accounts, and most of my friends are other woman 90% the rest are male relatives and a few coworkers. I have found my husband flirting with other woman all the time and he leaves inappropriate comments all the time on their FB. I have caught him searching for ex girlfriends, and after all this he tells me that I am insecure and the one with the issue. I find it disrespectful and it shows he has no respect for me, nor my feelings. I have told him on many occasions that I don't like it.

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A brother's concern
by: RB

Timely topic...About three weeks (May 4, 2011) ago my brother accepted a friend request from his ex-fiancee (they parted ways about 24 years ago). Today, both are married (her second, my brother is still on his first of 18 years). My brother all but wrote on his FB wall that he was still in love with his ex. He wrote comments about what might have been if only they would have stuck it out. He posted romantic songs and dedicated them to her. He told everyone he wanted to take a long walks with her; that he could hardly wait until they could spend more time together. My sister-in-law does not have a FB account but her family were listed as friends on my brother's account as is their 18 year-old son (their other son is only 10 but he often accesses his Dad's FB account. Privately, I contacted my brother and stated my concerns - no response. His posts continued and intensified, so I contacted him again. This time he responded to me directly but basically told me to leave him alone. Shortly thereafter, he posted a public statement on his wall to the effect that some people expressed concern over his recent posts but he justified his actions by saying that he is a man of faith and for those who questioned his motives, they should listen to the song that he posted; he then deleted 40 friends from his FB account - including his wife's family and me (although somehow I can still view his FB wall - even though I'm no longer a friend - technology)! I understand the importance of faith. and I hope his faith will sustain him. But in a span of three weeks he continues to write intimate posts and she responds adoringly, he's deleting friends and family who aren't supporting his activities, and he's spending a lot of time with her - going to lunch, out for drinks (my brother is a recovering alcoholic) and planning outings with her and her children with him and his children but not including their spouses. I asked my brother if he was going to let our parents know what was going on and he said it wasn't any of their business. Since he chose to make it this situation public, I decided it was best to let my parents know what was going on (I struggled with this decision) but they care for my brother's kids and live within a block of each other - so, right or wrong, I thought it was appropriate to share what I knew with them (they were very grateful). I should add that I live out-of-state about 2,000 miles aware. I've never meddled in brother's life/marriage before this but my main concern, and still is, for my nephews. Any advice on where I go from here?

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Shared account
by: Anonymous

Listing married as a status and even pictures of your spouse and family mean absolutely nothing to some people. Both my husband and I have had requests, messages, etc from people that know we are married. A shared account is a hedge around anything that may or may not happen. Whether you have an airtight marriage or not, why open any doors that don't need to be opened? Set yourself up for success, not heartache. Transparency is the best policy!

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Wife upset over female friends
by: Anonymous

My wife has become extremely upset over me having female friends on Facebook. We both have an account and share our passwords. She watched a news segment detailing how Facebooking with the opposite sex can lead to infidelity. I am no where in that vicinity in thought or deed. I love my wife and feel hurt that she thinks that I could stoop to that level. She insists that I defriend all females. I feel this is unfair as I am open to her about what I do on the site. I don't like fighting and am considering the defriending process but feel that it is our communication that is failing not the use of Facebook.

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Facebook is not the destroyer, the person of the account is.
by: Anonymous

My husband and I have facebook accounts. A few years ago he jumped on me because he thought I was having an affair with an old boyfriend. It was totally misconstrued, I have never cheated on my husband. I can't say the same for him... I have forgiven him. A few days ago the ex- boyfriend sent a friend request and I accepted not even thinking about the situation as this man is married with four children. In the mean time a single woman who is an ex, that caused problems in our early years of marriage, sent him a message." Hey boo" i am coming to dallas would love to see you. I saw the message as I have the passcode to his page. I did not say anything to him, until he made a big deal of my friend sending a request. So I deleted the man from my page and asked him to do the same he refused. He then said he was tired of trying to make me into a housewife.. First of all, I pay more than half of the bills in the house, make sure things are paid, clean, cook and work a full time job, so I am not a housewife. Second, i am at a struggle because I do everything and he only gives me $1000 per month towards the household. He makes 50,000 a year. I am tired of trying. Facebook was just the icing on the cake. I am tired of being critisized and I hold things down. I am lost and tired of trying. I love God with all that I am but I am sure he did not want me going thru life like this.

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Re: Privacy Setting
by: Min. Wanda

In marriage, if one spouse is uncomfortable with something that the other spouse does, then what ever that behavior is that makes the other spouse uncomfortable needs to stop. It's just that simple.
Marriage is suppose to be an example of the relationship Christ has with the Church. As husbands and wives, we are to be selfless. This simply means that we ALWAYS do that which is in the best interest of the other person. Further, our lives should be an open book to our mates (no secrets). This is even more so true when there have been trust issues in the past.

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Privacy Settings
by: Loving Husband

So my wife has her privacy settings so that her friends list is hidden, her tagged pics are hidden, etc... If you are going to hide this stuff from the world, shouldn't you (at the very least) add your spouse to the list of people who CAN see these things? Why hide things if you have nothing to hide is what I ask myself? I mean if you are married, what would you think about your spouse doing this? Fishy? Should I be concerned? Yes, I know this is a trust issue... but on the same note, why hide things and make them private? It opens up an avenue of doubt and raises many questions for me. We have had marital problems in the past, including cheating, that we have moved past... so this privacy issue is a problem for me.

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The snares that trap on FB are very subttle
by: Amanda

Prior to marriage I refused a marriage proposal from my best friend, we were both Christians and had loads in common and really understood each other and had grown spiritually together and he had a very protective role over me. We were with each other all the time. Years On I contact him on facebook and I felt he was the only one (even 10 year later that I ever could speak to or understood me) even though I am married and regrettably my husband and I don't share a close loving relationship which is all I ever desired from him. I explained this in an email I sent to my old best friend. I was soooo glad that the Lord made a technical glitch happen that day. Somehow the email was lost and my old best friend, who once proposed to me never received it. Somewhere in cyberspace I was expecting my old best friend, (who now has two of his old children, and a failed marriage), to take on once again my emotional needs like he used to. In my pain of not being able to do this with my husband I was opening up a door for Satan to completely destroy my marriage. I was really taken into the ease of contacting this old flame. I thank God so much that this technical glitch happened and my raw emotion and how I really felt for this guy was lost in cyberspace. I repented for adultery in my heart and I was so happy and ever more appreciative of how much I really do love my husband as trust is the biggest thing we have together. Thankfully I realized the invisible snares that had been set up for me ( with some divine intervention), and how much I would rather cut my old best friend completely out from my life than to hurt my husband and loose his trust and what we do have together. I learned that my marriage is far too precious to me, God and my children and I really do love my husband soo much. xx Thank you lord for the glitch that day ...this story could have had alternative ending.

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facebook disaster
by: Anonymous

An exfiance contacted my husband through FB when his mother died. She wrote to say she was sorry to hear this. Soon after, she began to send many private messages to the inbox. She asked questions and wanted to catch up. She would ask more questions every time he answered her. She then thought it was okay to send him a friend request , after all they are both married right? My husband and I talked some more and both agreeded that this old flame had crossed the line. So, he didn't accept her friend request. So that should be over right? I started to look on her page out of curiousity and saw that she was talking about how she didn't understand why people used the privacy settings on their accounts and that she thought people were hiding things. This was probably because I had closed his page to people that weren't on his friend's list. She then began to write disturbing things about how she just longed to be friends with someone and how she understood but longed for lifelong friendships. She never used names but I got the idea of who she was referring to. Why on earth if you are happily married would you be stuck on the idea of having ot have your ex as a lifelong friend?? My husband and I shared passwords. He didn't tell me about the contact . I found it. Of course, he didn't delete it or lie about it. He knew I had his password . And to his credit , it was platonic and he didn't accept her friend request. Why am I still upset you say? Because I forgot the password and wanted to check on it one night. I wondered if she would try and make contact with him again. I wanted to block her . I found out his page was open again so she could see it. I hate that. My husband got very angry with my behavior. I had forgotten his password so I tried to change the passwored. He called this hacking. THen he had a new password and wouldn't give it to me. He told me I could hack his acoount again and that he was sick of talking about it. He tried to blame it all on me. It is a mess. Still like Facebook??
I guarantee she wouldn't have contacted him any other way.

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Disenchanted
by: Anonymous

Facebook has cause a good man go away from our marriage and our relationship. I blame myself as I got him on facebook to help him to connect with outhers. Those others are family and friends,I thought,it seems to not to be the case. I pray for help on what to do and how to deal with this problem. I will put my trust in the Lord and trust in our 40 year marriage.It can happen to anyone.

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It's a small world after all
by: Mrs. R

I have been struggling with maintaining a Happy Face in my marriage for the past three years. This ia a second marriage for the both of us. My husband is a Face Book Junkie! I make excuses because he is more of a extrovert and I'm a introvert. He is not only my husband, but my Pastor also. I struggle to focus on his sermons, biblestudy,and Sunday School lessons, because I feel that he is being unfaithful.I have seen his FB account and out of 100(of his friends only)95% of them are female. Two of them are ex girlfriends. He assueres me that nothing is going on and that I'm just jealous. This is not working for me. I am trying to focus on God and stay sane. Please let me know what your comments are.

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LoveLovingHim
by: Anonymous

I agree with Wifey! Create the masterpiece of a relationship in your marriage and trust each other. Acknowledge how great your mate is for you are his, "good thing"! I have FB and was encouraged by my fiancee at the time to get it. I am friends with my ex's on FB and he is friends with my ex's on FB. I am playing no games. I am married and I love my husband*day 293 of marriage. TRUST is important- if you have to be in your mates account then you don't trust them.

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Wifey
by: Anonymous

My husband and I both have a Facebook account. When we were married, he told me that one of the problems he had with his ex-wife was she was very jealous and insecure. He has many female friends. I questioned him about these females and have met his two closest, dearest friends. The rest are friends from the neighborhood, high school, or former jobs. We BOTH are friends with ex boyfriends/girlfriends on FB and we BOTH are aware of that. It shows on his account that he is married to me and on my account that I am married to him. Our wedding pictures are up on both of our pages (2nd marriage for both of us--married last June) as well as family pictures. At times when he makes posts on his page he references me with my first name (if I was involved in the event) or he says "My wife". Everyone knows who I am and respects my position in his life.

There has to be some trust here. You can't blame Facebook. If Facebook didn't exist and he/she ran into that same girlfriend/boyfriend at the grocery store it still may have happened. The bottom line is marriages MUST keep the lines of communication open. People have to STOP ASSUMING that just because you are married that will keep your spouse around. You've got to feed your marriage DAILY just like you feed yourself food. Our marriage needs love, communication, and trust to survive.

LADIES, wake up! When was the last time you told your husband that you loved him and appreciated him. If he forgot to do something did you nag him or take care of it yourself. We've got to start sweating the small stuff and look at the bigger picture. Groom your marriage and not each others' faults. You'll have a much better life together!!!!!!

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FB can be a trap
by: MS

I discovered through FB that my husband was pursuing other women and seeking old flames and friends. Apparently, this had been going on for years. Can't begin to tell you how betrayed and angry I was to SEE and read the things he said about me, our marriage, home and son. I am still processing all of this. I confronted him as well as several individuals he had communication with and made it clear to all that their intellect, debased advice, malicious intentions and intrusions into my marriage were not welcome and what I would consider unChrist like. Mind you, everyone involved is allegedly Christian. In any event, I set boundaries and presented them to my that if he continued these relationships my husband would have to leave our home and begin his life elsewhere. We are in are half hearted counseling and to be quite honest, I am still in the process of forgiveness. It is not easy when you don't trust someone; and I still don't trust him. Eventually, I will have to make and keep the decision to trust God. If that means giving our marriage another chance so be it - but if it means I cannot continue in a relationship with someone I cannot trust; so be it as well. We have a five year old son together. For the most part, I think we would all be better off without my husband at home. It seems he would rather be out there playing a Christian male rather than be the committed to Christ and marriage.

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Facebook and cell phones
by: Anonymous

They have provided a means to reach out to the opposite sex without needing to introduce a spouse. All this outreach can be kept secret which is harmful to relationships based on open and honest communication

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FaceBook is a tool of the enemy!
by: Anonymous

Hi. One of my co-workers, a dear woman with two beautiful daughters, is newly divorced. Her husband of 17 years got a Facebook account, hooked up with her best friend on Facebook, and announced that he was leaving her! I understand that it is not Facebook per se that is wrong, but 90 % of the things that I hear about Facebook is negative. I have two cousins that are going through divorces. Why they felt the need to broadcast this information on Facebook is beyond me. As Christians, we need to be careful what we participate in. If unsaved folks are really into something, that is a sign right there that if you are professing to be saved, you need to go the other way. How can we win the lost if we participate in so many ungodly, worldly trends?

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I am getting a divorce. due to Facebook.
by: Sandy

I loved Facebook. I had reconnected to many of my old friends from both school and church. I though it was cool, so I told my husband about it and he got him an account. That was 2 years ago and it has been a nightmare. He has reconnected with his former high school friends and now call them (all girls), meets them in groups for drinks, and chats every night. He told me three weeks ago he wants a divorce. Tomorrow is my 27th wedding anniversary. I am devastated. He says they are only his friends and they are there for him through this tough time. How can I ever save my marriage when all these girls are there for him. Yes, Facebook is a killer of marriages. I will miss him so much and love him forever.
Sandy

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Facebook + the World
by: Eileen

I think Everyone here has some sort of validity in their points about Face book. However when you play in the world, you are asking Satan to come on in and have a go with you. In my opinion its NOT Face Book per-say, its everyone's own walk with God, we all are on different paths and have different degrees of faith, belief and level of spirituality. So everyone will have different issues with it, as some will be more prone to fall into a snare , if their level of faith and spirituality isn't strong. Then when someone has a very strong iron clad walk with God. its far more difficult for Satan to lure them with his lies. The world itself is a muddy and nasty playground, so i would say be cautious in all aspects of playing in the world and make the world second fiddle to God. If we must walk in Mud, it doesn't mean to deliberately jump into a huge muddy water hole. Always walk around it. God never said life wouldn't or couldn't get muddy, but for crying out loud he never said to look for it . Walk where we must, but avoid areas that clearly state the obvious.

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Facebook not
by: Northside Indianapolis

Hi a while ago I got an facebook account and my wife hit the roof. So I thought it would be wise to close the account out i tried to explain to her that I wasn't on there for anything except to see people I haven't seen in a while after i closed mine out she created one and told me that she only did this to keep in contact with family and friends I feel as a married couple there is no need for things like this talk to one another and become your spouses friend and network within you house hold.

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Keep everything out in the open
by:

My husband and I have separate email and Facebook accounts however he has my passwords and I have his. So at anytime I can go in and have a look around if I wanted to he can do the same,I think keeping things open is very important. I also think that it is wise to have a main pic of you and your husband so that from the outset old "friends" can know that you are happily married.Also is it not necessary to connect with ex's and old "friends".You have moved on and are now (hopefully)happily married..accepting friend requests of old flames can resurrect old feelings..which could be avoided by not accepting them unto your friends list..

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Who Cares
by: Anonymous

My husband and I have the same Facebook account. Reason is we really love each other and have nothing to hide. so it doesn't matter either way. It is just for showing off our kids and connecting with our friends and family.

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The problem lies within
by: Anonymous

My husband and I have separate Facebook accounts. We trust one another and have had no issues. I use my account mainly to connect with other Christians. I visit pages where I find christian conversations, bible readings are pages of other interest like technology. When ever I post a status it is a scripture or spiritual quote. I've never had a problem with old boyfriends trying to connect. They wouldn't have a chance anyway that is why they are Ex-boyfriends, a part of the past that I choose to leave there. My friends are mainly classmates that also bring inspirations to me with christian conversation.

We mention one another on our info page and are friends on Facebook. I love and trust my husband and he trust me to. If there was an indiscretion with him, he wouldn't have to do it on Facebook. Like someone else said in their post the problems lie within the person, if their is an inclination to cheat, emotionally or physically then prayer and much faith is the only real way to fight that battle.

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Why stop there
by: Heather

Just make your wife stay at home with a chastity belt on. That way you can be sure she will not to see a member of the opposite sex. Then she won't be tempted to run off with them. Really. If you are so insecure that you don't trust your spouse with an email account you probably shouldn't be married to them or anyone at all for that matter.

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Facebook
by: Anonymous

If you are married then you should only be connected to God and your spouse. Facebook is nothing but a devil's campground. There is nothing innocent about it. I heard that all people do is argue, air out their duty laundry and etc; The only way I would get an account on Facebook is that Abba Father told me. What is the big deal about Facebook? I think it is another MySpace.

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Email as well!
by: Anonymous

Both me and my husband have Facebook accounts I add a lot of ppl for the neighbor requests in the game apps on there, but I also tell my husband everything even down to a guy who kept trying to flirt with me saying "i think you are kind of cute". My response was "My husband seems to think so". However, recently I found out my husband asked his brother for his ex girlfriends email and he wrote her a year ago telling her how he wishes he was the one to make her happy (she is married herself), and how she is the love of his life and he only loves her and "our" kids and complaining about me to her etc. so I think the internet alone can be good and bad, cuz he would never call her house or write it on her Facebook account for her husband to see. I felt bad that when a guy was trying to flirt with me, I told my husband. But now I find out he has been emotionally cheating on me along with looking up pictures of women online. :(

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Facebook can be challenging in a marriage
by: Anonymous

Hello Sisters,

My Husband and I had a problem with his usage of Facebook. He reconnected with an old fling on
Face-book and to my surprise the woman was married as well. Nothing physically happened, but it could have gotten to that point if they were to meet up as planned in the email.

I will say that it is so important to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and the guidance/leading of the holy spirit. If you sense something is off Do NOT be afraid to ask your spouse questions. The Holy Spirit was a major help to me by exposing what was going on.

Don't minimize the situation just because it is "Facebook". Actions are birthed out of the thoughts and it all needs to be addressed.

And to the women out there who are reading these post and you are the one guilty of allowing Facebook to cause division in your marriage because you are choosing to engage in an inappropriate relationship, please stop!

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Facebook is not Bad..
by: Joy

I have a Facebook account and mine says married to my hubby's name and on his is the same. were connected though Facebook which kinda like having separate and joining accounts. Also I have his passwords and account info as well as he has mine. this way we can delete potential threats or nip any problem .. Facebook is good for connections to old friends and family. But like anything even the internet it isn't bad , people make it bad..in my view Keep God in everything u do , including Facebook. And i believe u and your hubby will be fine. I think Christians need to invade and take over the world not run from it. Peace and Love.

Joy

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Facebook issues
by: Kelli

Thank you Minister Wanda.
My husband doesn't have an account he is really not into the whole Facebook thing. As fa as old girlfriends and strangers wanting to talk he has nothing to do with them. There are no pictures of them. The only people that we keep in contact with are his children's mothers and we keep in contact with them because of the children.
The ones I have met already, are very nice and respectable.
I asked if he would like an account and he said no.

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Response to Kelli
by: Min. Wanda

Kelli, it doesn't sound silly to me. We must stay on guard at all times. You said your husband doesn't mind who you add as a friend. Does he have a separate account of his own? If so, what are his standards concerning old girlfriends and strangers? Just curious?

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Facebook problems
by: Kelli

All of the comments concerning this topic are all great. I have added a picture of my husband and I on Facebook and I still have request from strangers. I just don't accept them. I always tell my husband when I add a male that I know and the ones I add are old classmates that are married now. My husband stated that he doesn't mind who I add and even if they are single that it' fine, but I tell him that it's about respect. I think personally that it is disrespectful to your spouse to add old girlfriends or boyfriends.
Friend requests leads to accepting them, accepting them leads to chatting with them, chatting with them leads to reminisce about the old days. Reminiscing sometimes lead to I miss those good old days how about lets meet. And then there is the problem. I don't know. I may sound silly, but I think as christians we have to protect ourselves and stay alert by things around us. Don't leave room for tempting situations that will hurt your spouse.

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Satan Will Stop at Nothing!
by: Min. Wanda

Oookay. Men on Facebook are still contacting you even though your profile picture is one of you and your husband? So with that being said, does it really matter if it's a joint account or a separate account? Hmmm? I TOTALLY agree that we should not accept the world's way of doing things. We must be aware that Satan will stop at nothing and cares very little about crossing boundaries. So, even if you have joint accounts you must not let your guards down. Put on the whole armor of God ladies and remain alert!

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Common sense would say
by: Anonymous

Why would you create a separate account that draws all sorts of people to you. YOu set yourself up for trouble. We as Christians are so quick to accept the world's way of doing things which usually causes confusion. If we have to discuss whether it is a good idea or not then it usually is not. Husbands and wives should not have secrets. If people see a joint account it sends a clear message and inappropriate communications will be thought about twice.

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Definitely show your profile as a couple
by: Anonymous

I have a facebook account and email. My husband is not computer savvy. However, my profile picture is of me and my husband. That doesn't stop other guys who are looking to have a fling from trying to flirt. I let them know right away that I love my husband and only use Facebook as a resource to reach others with the work of God and fellowship. This one guy kept sending me messages asking about where I went for entertainment in the Bay Area. With every question I included me and my husband's participation. When I responded last that we don't get out much because we are Deacons in the church, the guy stopped responding. It is very important if you are getting flirtatious responses from a man or a woman (lesbians are out there too!) continue to include your spouse in the conversation. Whether they give up or not, you will stay focused on what the real deal is Your Marriage!

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Response to Mandy
by: Min. Wanda

Mandy:

Thanks for your input. Not responding to every friend request is a good start. Just because someone sends a friend request does not mean you are obligated to accept it. A simple but wise suggestion.

So once again it comes back to the integrity of the user. Perhaps Facebook needs a warning that reads:

"CAUTION: INTEGRITY, WISDOM, AND DISCERNMENT ARE REQUIRED IN ORDER TO PROCEED."

But on second thought, that would probably just make Facebook more alluring.

I want to hear from the rest of you...

How do you and your husband manage Facebook? What suggestions can you offer?

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Facebook Problems
by: Mandy

Hi, My husband and I have separate facebook accounts and I use facebook more than he does. I have had friend requests from old boyfriends and people who I knew before I was saved which potentially could be quite a concern. I started to receive offensive videos from an old friend who happens to now be a transsexual so I decided to disconnect her from my friends list as i didn't want this offensive material on my page. She has put out another friend request to me but I will not accept. Which brings me back to our topic, The facebook user has the choice to discern the potential threat to their lives before accepting a friend / boyfriend / strangers friend request. I will not accept friend requests from men/ or women I don't know.

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Response to Danger Danger
by: Min. Wanda

T:

So sorry to hear about your situation. You seem to be doing all the right things in light of what has happened. You are correct, disconnecting the internet was not the solution. You decided instead to give it to God. I applaud this decision, as only God has the power to change a person's heart.
I'll be praying for you my sister.

Love,
Min. Wanda

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Danger Danger
by: Anonymous

My husband too is a Facebook junkie and now he is planning on leaving me. Not because of Facebook, but because of all the non Christians on Facebook encouraging him to leave. Telling him that he has to find happiness and if leaving the marriage is what it takes, do it.

He has also been flirting on Facebook with other women and saying inappropriate things. He talks about our marital issues also. I have asked him not to do this but he only gets angry and says it is none of my business and stay off his Facebook page.

He now has an old high school girl friend helping him find an apartment.

What have I done about it you say? What can I do is my question? I have thought about canceling internet service but that would only add to the strife, anger and resentment he already feels toward me. I have given it to God because any action I take, be it agressive or passive agressive will only make it worse.

T

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I agree with all the comments
by: Kelli

I have read all of the comments regarding Facebook and I agree with the young lady that stated that it's not Facebook that is bad it is the user. I also agree with the young lady that said that you should have a picture with you and your spouse on the account so that doesn't cause any space for the devil to try and cause havoc on your marriage. I have a Facebook account and I am going to log on and post a picture of my husband and I on my home page.
God Bless you all.

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Marriage and Facebook
by: Tim Atkinson

I feel that having a separate account may lead to problems that could otherwise be avoided. People that used to date you or your spouse would be more apt to try to contact you if you had a separate account. Facebook is a social networking site, would you go to a club or bar without your spouse, why go Facebook alone? My wife and I are married and we feel people need to be willing to accept that. If people do not feel comfortable with us having a joint account then there may be some wrong motives involved. Having a joint account helps weed out people with wrong motives. If you choose to have separate accounts then make sure you have proper boudaries set up to protect and safeguard your marriage. Discuss possible situations that may cause problems in you marriage and the proper way to respond to them. If used wisely facebook can be a great tool for staying connected and finding old friends. So I say if you are honest, open and accountable with your spouse then facebook away.

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Facebook Abstinence
by: Sherri

What's the best way for teens to avoid teen pregnancy? That's right, abstinence. I think the same is true with Facebook. Facebook is too risky, and offers toooo much information to others about yourself. It's not good.

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Both Ways?
by: Min. Wanda

Ladies: Thank you so much for your responses!!!
I actually think all of you have valid points.
Is it possible that the problem lies both with Facebook and the integrity of the user? What do you think? Furthermore, how do you suggest your sisters in Christ avoid these problems?

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Facebook is not the Problem
by: Karen

I know many will disagree but I don't think there's anything wrong with Facebook. I think the problem rests with the users. I mean if your marriage is already rocky, or has some underlying issues, then of course Facebook can be a dangerous place, so can the workplace. It's not Facebook, it's the people using it.

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I say...Facebook is evil!!!
by: Anonymous

My husband had an account on Facebook but I didn't. So when he began to spend so much time online that our household and our family was neglected I began to object. In addition, he began to shut down the page every time I walked by...I objected more. Finally, my husband deactivated his account.

From our discussions about Facebook, I discovered that it gave him a place to express his ideas and get affirmation from strangers...without judgement. So that suggested to me that maybe I've been more critical than supportive of his ideas. We began talking more about his Facebook account & friends...we agree that is must remain deactivated. Not because he was doing anything inappropriate but because it was causing friction in our marriage.

In my opinion, that's too much sharing with stranges when you have people around you physically wanting to interact with you. I believe that a main component of our walk as Christians is to fellowship with one another. Not to mention, that husbands and wives ought not share information with people outside of their marriage that they haven't shared with their spouse.

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Why Not Avoid Facebook?
by: Gretchen

Personally, my husband and I don't have Facebook accounts. I just never understood the concept of Facebook (???)

I think if something poses a risk to your marriage, then it should be avoided altogether. I mean what would be so terrible about not having a Facebook account?

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