Facebook Problems and Married Couples

"A Website for Today's Christian Couple"

Facebook Problems and Married Couples

by Wanda Collins
(Christian Marriage Today)

Is Facebook too Risky for Married Couples?

Facebook problems and Married couples? What does one have to do with the other? Well, recently I was visiting a Christian marriage forum and I read a post from a Christian husband which was disturbing to say the least.

Apparently, his wife had connected with an old boyfriend on Facebook and had been communicating with this guy for fourteen months. Well, apparently she decided it was time to break the news to her husband along with the news that she planned to leave him. The two of them have been married for 12 years and have 6 children.

Are you ready for this? A few days later, I read a similar story, this time from a woman whose husband had apparently been involved emotionally via Facebook with various women in other countries. By the way, he too planned to leave his wife.

These stories were so disturbing to me I wanted to discuss them here with you girls and hash out some ideas and possible solutions. I don't want to talk about solutions for the unnamed couples. I want your thoughts on how you can avoid falling into this same trap.

Many couples share e-mail accounts and Facebook accounts in order to promote honesty within their relationship. Personally, my husband and I have separate e-mail accounts and separate Facebook accounts. However, our Facebook profile photos display a picture of the two of us together. This way, our marital status is known right from the start to anyone who visits our page.

What do you think? Do you and your spouse have separate Facebook accounts? Do you see Facebook as a risk for married couples? Should married couples have guidelines in their marriages regarding the use of Facebook and other social websites?

How can we as Christian wives avoid situations like the ones above?

Leave Facebook problems return to Christian wives internet cafe'

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Facebook Problems and Married Couples

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Facebook is not Bad..
by: Joy

I have a Facebook account and mine says married to my hubby's name and on his is the same. were connected though Facebook which kinda like having separate and joining accounts. Also I have his passwords and account info as well as he has mine. this way we can delete potential threats or nip any problem .. Facebook is good for connections to old friends and family. But like anything even the internet it isn't bad , people make it bad..in my view Keep God in everything u do , including Facebook. And i believe u and your hubby will be fine. I think Christians need to invade and take over the world not run from it. Peace and Love.

Joy

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Submitted by: Joy

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I have a Facebook account and mine says married to my hubby's name and on his is the same. were connected though Facebook which kinda like having separate and joining accounts. Also I have his passwords and account info as well as he has mine. this way we can delete potential threats or nip any problem .. Facebook is good for connections to old friends and family. But like anything even the internet it isn't bad , people make it bad..in my view Keep God in everything u do , including Facebook. And i believe u and your hubby will be fine. I think Christians need to invade and take over the world not run from it. Peace and Love. Joy

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Facebook issues
by: Kelli

Thank you Minister Wanda.
My husband doesn't have an account he is really not into the whole Facebook thing. As fa as old girlfriends and strangers wanting to talk he has nothing to do with them. There are no pictures of them. The only people that we keep in contact with are his children's mothers and we keep in contact with them because of the children.
The ones I have met already, are very nice and respectable.
I asked if he would like an account and he said no.

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Submitted by: Kelli

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Thank you Minister Wanda. My husband doesn't have an account he is really not into the whole Facebook thing. As fa as old girlfriends and strangers wanting to talk he has nothing to do with them. There are no pictures of them. The only people that we keep in contact with are his children's mothers and we keep in contact with them because of the children. The ones I have met already, are very nice and respectable. I asked if he would like an account and he said no.

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Response to Kelli
by: Min. Wanda

Kelli, it doesn't sound silly to me. We must stay on guard at all times. You said your husband doesn't mind who you add as a friend. Does he have a separate account of his own? If so, what are his standards concerning old girlfriends and strangers? Just curious?

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Submitted by: Min. Wanda

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Kelli, it doesn't sound silly to me. We must stay on guard at all times. You said your husband doesn't mind who you add as a friend. Does he have a separate account of his own? If so, what are his standards concerning old girlfriends and strangers? Just curious?

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Facebook problems
by: Kelli

All of the comments concerning this topic are all great. I have added a picture of my husband and I on Facebook and I still have request from strangers. I just don't accept them. I always tell my husband when I add a male that I know and the ones I add are old classmates that are married now. My husband stated that he doesn't mind who I add and even if they are single that it' fine, but I tell him that it's about respect. I think personally that it is disrespectful to your spouse to add old girlfriends or boyfriends.
Friend requests leads to accepting them, accepting them leads to chatting with them, chatting with them leads to reminisce about the old days. Reminiscing sometimes lead to I miss those good old days how about lets meet. And then there is the problem. I don't know. I may sound silly, but I think as christians we have to protect ourselves and stay alert by things around us. Don't leave room for tempting situations that will hurt your spouse.

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Submitted by: Kelli

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All of the comments concerning this topic are all great. I have added a picture of my husband and I on Facebook and I still have request from strangers. I just don't accept them. I always tell my husband when I add a male that I know and the ones I add are old classmates that are married now. My husband stated that he doesn't mind who I add and even if they are single that it' fine, but I tell him that it's about respect. I think personally that it is disrespectful to your spouse to add old girlfriends or boyfriends. Friend requests leads to accepting them, accepting them leads to chatting with them, chatting with them leads to reminisce about the old days. Reminiscing sometimes lead to I miss those good old days how about lets meet. And then there is the problem. I don't know. I may sound silly, but I think as christians we have to protect ourselves and stay alert by things around us. Don't leave room for tempting situations that will hurt your spouse.

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Satan Will Stop at Nothing!
by: Min. Wanda

Oookay. Men on Facebook are still contacting you even though your profile picture is one of you and your husband? So with that being said, does it really matter if it's a joint account or a separate account? Hmmm? I TOTALLY agree that we should not accept the world's way of doing things. We must be aware that Satan will stop at nothing and cares very little about crossing boundaries. So, even if you have joint accounts you must not let your guards down. Put on the whole armor of God ladies and remain alert!

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Submitted by: Min. Wanda

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Oookay. Men on Facebook are still contacting you even though your profile picture is one of you and your husband? So with that being said, does it really matter if it's a joint account or a separate account? Hmmm? I TOTALLY agree that we should not accept the world's way of doing things. We must be aware that Satan will stop at nothing and cares very little about crossing boundaries. So, even if you have joint accounts you must not let your guards down. Put on the whole armor of God ladies and remain alert!

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Common sense would say
by: Anonymous

Why would you create a separate account that draws all sorts of people to you. YOu set yourself up for trouble. We as Christians are so quick to accept the world's way of doing things which usually causes confusion. If we have to discuss whether it is a good idea or not then it usually is not. Husbands and wives should not have secrets. If people see a joint account it sends a clear message and inappropriate communications will be thought about twice.

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Submitted by: Anonymous

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Why would you create a separate account that draws all sorts of people to you. YOu set yourself up for trouble. We as Christians are so quick to accept the world's way of doing things which usually causes confusion. If we have to discuss whether it is a good idea or not then it usually is not. Husbands and wives should not have secrets. If people see a joint account it sends a clear message and inappropriate communications will be thought about twice.

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Definitely show your profile as a couple
by: Anonymous

I have a facebook account and email. My husband is not computer savvy. However, my profile picture is of me and my husband. That doesn't stop other guys who are looking to have a fling from trying to flirt. I let them know right away that I love my husband and only use Facebook as a resource to reach others with the work of God and fellowship. This one guy kept sending me messages asking about where I went for entertainment in the Bay Area. With every question I included me and my husband's participation. When I responded last that we don't get out much because we are Deacons in the church, the guy stopped responding. It is very important if you are getting flirtatious responses from a man or a woman (lesbians are out there too!) continue to include your spouse in the conversation. Whether they give up or not, you will stay focused on what the real deal is Your Marriage!

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Submitted by: Anonymous

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I have a facebook account and email. My husband is not computer savvy. However, my profile picture is of me and my husband. That doesn't stop other guys who are looking to have a fling from trying to flirt. I let them know right away that I love my husband and only use Facebook as a resource to reach others with the work of God and fellowship. This one guy kept sending me messages asking about where I went for entertainment in the Bay Area. With every question I included me and my husband's participation. When I responded last that we don't get out much because we are Deacons in the church, the guy stopped responding. It is very important if you are getting flirtatious responses from a man or a woman (lesbians are out there too!) continue to include your spouse in the conversation. Whether they give up or not, you will stay focused on what the real deal is Your Marriage!

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Response to Mandy
by: Min. Wanda

Mandy:

Thanks for your input. Not responding to every friend request is a good start. Just because someone sends a friend request does not mean you are obligated to accept it. A simple but wise suggestion.

So once again it comes back to the integrity of the user. Perhaps Facebook needs a warning that reads:

"CAUTION: INTEGRITY, WISDOM, AND DISCERNMENT ARE REQUIRED IN ORDER TO PROCEED."

But on second thought, that would probably just make Facebook more alluring.

I want to hear from the rest of you...

How do you and your husband manage Facebook? What suggestions can you offer?

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Submitted by: Min. Wanda

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Mandy: Thanks for your input. Not responding to every friend request is a good start. Just because someone sends a friend request does not mean you are obligated to accept it. A simple but wise suggestion. So once again it comes back to the integrity of the user. Perhaps Facebook needs a warning that reads: "CAUTION: INTEGRITY, WISDOM, AND DISCERNMENT ARE REQUIRED IN ORDER TO PROCEED." But on second thought, that would probably just make Facebook more alluring. I want to hear from the rest of you... How do you and your husband manage Facebook? What suggestions can you offer?

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Facebook Problems
by: Mandy

Hi, My husband and I have separate facebook accounts and I use facebook more than he does. I have had friend requests from old boyfriends and people who I knew before I was saved which potentially could be quite a concern. I started to receive offensive videos from an old friend who happens to now be a transsexual so I decided to disconnect her from my friends list as i didn't want this offensive material on my page. She has put out another friend request to me but I will not accept. Which brings me back to our topic, The facebook user has the choice to discern the potential threat to their lives before accepting a friend / boyfriend / strangers friend request. I will not accept friend requests from men/ or women I don't know.

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Submitted by: Mandy

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Hi, My husband and I have separate facebook accounts and I use facebook more than he does. I have had friend requests from old boyfriends and people who I knew before I was saved which potentially could be quite a concern. I started to receive offensive videos from an old friend who happens to now be a transsexual so I decided to disconnect her from my friends list as i didn't want this offensive material on my page. She has put out another friend request to me but I will not accept. Which brings me back to our topic, The facebook user has the choice to discern the potential threat to their lives before accepting a friend / boyfriend / strangers friend request. I will not accept friend requests from men/ or women I don't know.

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Response to Danger Danger
by: Min. Wanda

T:

So sorry to hear about your situation. You seem to be doing all the right things in light of what has happened. You are correct, disconnecting the internet was not the solution. You decided instead to give it to God. I applaud this decision, as only God has the power to change a person's heart.
I'll be praying for you my sister.

Love,
Min. Wanda

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Submitted by: Min. Wanda

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T: So sorry to hear about your situation. You seem to be doing all the right things in light of what has happened. You are correct, disconnecting the internet was not the solution. You decided instead to give it to God. I applaud this decision, as only God has the power to change a person's heart. I'll be praying for you my sister. Love, Min. Wanda

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Danger Danger
by: Anonymous

My husband too is a Facebook junkie and now he is planning on leaving me. Not because of Facebook, but because of all the non Christians on Facebook encouraging him to leave. Telling him that he has to find happiness and if leaving the marriage is what it takes, do it.

He has also been flirting on Facebook with other women and saying inappropriate things. He talks about our marital issues also. I have asked him not to do this but he only gets angry and says it is none of my business and stay off his Facebook page.

He now has an old high school girl friend helping him find an apartment.

What have I done about it you say? What can I do is my question? I have thought about canceling internet service but that would only add to the strife, anger and resentment he already feels toward me. I have given it to God because any action I take, be it agressive or passive agressive will only make it worse.

T

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Submitted by: Anonymous

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My husband too is a Facebook junkie and now he is planning on leaving me. Not because of Facebook, but because of all the non Christians on Facebook encouraging him to leave. Telling him that he has to find happiness and if leaving the marriage is what it takes, do it. He has also been flirting on Facebook with other women and saying inappropriate things. He talks about our marital issues also. I have asked him not to do this but he only gets angry and says it is none of my business and stay off his Facebook page. He now has an old high school girl friend helping him find an apartment. What have I done about it you say? What can I do is my question? I have thought about canceling internet service but that would only add to the strife, anger and resentment he already feels toward me. I have given it to God because any action I take, be it agressive or passive agressive will only make it worse. T

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I agree with all the comments
by: Kelli

I have read all of the comments regarding Facebook and I agree with the young lady that stated that it's not Facebook that is bad it is the user. I also agree with the young lady that said that you should have a picture with you and your spouse on the account so that doesn't cause any space for the devil to try and cause havoc on your marriage. I have a Facebook account and I am going to log on and post a picture of my husband and I on my home page.
God Bless you all.

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Submitted by: Kelli

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I have read all of the comments regarding Facebook and I agree with the young lady that stated that it's not Facebook that is bad it is the user. I also agree with the young lady that said that you should have a picture with you and your spouse on the account so that doesn't cause any space for the devil to try and cause havoc on your marriage. I have a Facebook account and I am going to log on and post a picture of my husband and I on my home page. God Bless you all.

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Marriage and Facebook
by: Tim Atkinson

I feel that having a separate account may lead to problems that could otherwise be avoided. People that used to date you or your spouse would be more apt to try to contact you if you had a separate account. Facebook is a social networking site, would you go to a club or bar without your spouse, why go Facebook alone? My wife and I are married and we feel people need to be willing to accept that. If people do not feel comfortable with us having a joint account then there may be some wrong motives involved. Having a joint account helps weed out people with wrong motives. If you choose to have separate accounts then make sure you have proper boudaries set up to protect and safeguard your marriage. Discuss possible situations that may cause problems in you marriage and the proper way to respond to them. If used wisely facebook can be a great tool for staying connected and finding old friends. So I say if you are honest, open and accountable with your spouse then facebook away.

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Submitted by: Tim Atkinson

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I feel that having a separate account may lead to problems that could otherwise be avoided. People that used to date you or your spouse would be more apt to try to contact you if you had a separate account. Facebook is a social networking site, would you go to a club or bar without your spouse, why go Facebook alone? My wife and I are married and we feel people need to be willing to accept that. If people do not feel comfortable with us having a joint account then there may be some wrong motives involved. Having a joint account helps weed out people with wrong motives. If you choose to have separate accounts then make sure you have proper boudaries set up to protect and safeguard your marriage. Discuss possible situations that may cause problems in you marriage and the proper way to respond to them. If used wisely facebook can be a great tool for staying connected and finding old friends. So I say if you are honest, open and accountable with your spouse then facebook away.

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Facebook Abstinence
by: Sherri

What's the best way for teens to avoid teen pregnancy? That's right, abstinence. I think the same is true with Facebook. Facebook is too risky, and offers toooo much information to others about yourself. It's not good.

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Submitted by: Sherri

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What's the best way for teens to avoid teen pregnancy? That's right, abstinence. I think the same is true with Facebook. Facebook is too risky, and offers toooo much information to others about yourself. It's not good.

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Both Ways?
by: Min. Wanda

Ladies: Thank you so much for your responses!!!
I actually think all of you have valid points.
Is it possible that the problem lies both with Facebook and the integrity of the user? What do you think? Furthermore, how do you suggest your sisters in Christ avoid these problems?

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Submitted by: Min. Wanda

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Ladies: Thank you so much for your responses!!! I actually think all of you have valid points. Is it possible that the problem lies both with Facebook and the integrity of the user? What do you think? Furthermore, how do you suggest your sisters in Christ avoid these problems?

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Facebook is not the Problem
by: Karen

I know many will disagree but I don't think there's anything wrong with Facebook. I think the problem rests with the users. I mean if your marriage is already rocky, or has some underlying issues, then of course Facebook can be a dangerous place, so can the workplace. It's not Facebook, it's the people using it.

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Submitted by: Karen

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I know many will disagree but I don't think there's anything wrong with Facebook. I think the problem rests with the users. I mean if your marriage is already rocky, or has some underlying issues, then of course Facebook can be a dangerous place, so can the workplace. It's not Facebook, it's the people using it.

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I say...Facebook is evil!!!
by: Anonymous

My husband had an account on Facebook but I didn't. So when he began to spend so much time online that our household and our family was neglected I began to object. In addition, he began to shut down the page every time I walked by...I objected more. Finally, my husband deactivated his account.

From our discussions about Facebook, I discovered that it gave him a place to express his ideas and get affirmation from strangers...without judgement. So that suggested to me that maybe I've been more critical than supportive of his ideas. We began talking more about his Facebook account & friends...we agree that is must remain deactivated. Not because he was doing anything inappropriate but because it was causing friction in our marriage.

In my opinion, that's too much sharing with stranges when you have people around you physically wanting to interact with you. I believe that a main component of our walk as Christians is to fellowship with one another. Not to mention, that husbands and wives ought not share information with people outside of their marriage that they haven't shared with their spouse.

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Submitted by: Anonymous

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My husband had an account on Facebook but I didn't. So when he began to spend so much time online that our household and our family was neglected I began to object. In addition, he began to shut down the page every time I walked by...I objected more. Finally, my husband deactivated his account. From our discussions about Facebook, I discovered that it gave him a place to express his ideas and get affirmation from strangers...without judgement. So that suggested to me that maybe I've been more critical than supportive of his ideas. We began talking more about his Facebook account & friends...we agree that is must remain deactivated. Not because he was doing anything inappropriate but because it was causing friction in our marriage. In my opinion, that's too much sharing with stranges when you have people around you physically wanting to interact with you. I believe that a main component of our walk as Christians is to fellowship with one another. Not to mention, that husbands and wives ought not share information with people outside of their marriage that they haven't shared with their spouse.

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Why Not Avoid Facebook?
by: Gretchen

Personally, my husband and I don't have Facebook accounts. I just never understood the concept of Facebook (???)

I think if something poses a risk to your marriage, then it should be avoided altogether. I mean what would be so terrible about not having a Facebook account?

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Submitted by: Gretchen

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Personally, my husband and I don't have Facebook accounts. I just never understood the concept of Facebook (???) I think if something poses a risk to your marriage, then it should be avoided altogether. I mean what would be so terrible about not having a Facebook account?

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