Forgiving yourself for committing adultery

by Debbie

Forgiving yourself for committing adultery: It seems as if infidelity is always addressed as the husband committing adultery and learning to forgive him and move on. But what about when you were the one who was unfaithful? Several years ago, I was in a nine to five job, came home at night and was a good wife and mother. We went to church regularly and I felt close to God. My husband and I didn't have a passionate marriage any longer, we had been married 15 yrs+ at that time, but my spiritual compass still guided me. Then I started a new job where I traveled every week and was gone from home 4 days at a time. Having casual sex in this job was not unheard of but I still stayed strong. After a few years though, when I felt farther away from my husband than ever, a male friend and coworker of mine approached me for a second time. This time I succumbed and entered a downward spiral. I began looking for fulfillment with other men, looking back it is as if I were another person. A certain internet site geared towards marital affairs was also instrumental in this time. (I wanted romance back in my life and that spark you get in the beginning of a relationship.) After almost getting caught by my husband, I turned from it all, quit that job and became a stay at home wife, mother and grandmother. As a result though I have lost my first love for Jesus, I haven't found a church home and have a hard time forgiving myself. My husband never directly confronted me and I never confessed for fear of him leaving me. It has been a few years now but I still can't forgive myself.