Getting married

(Colorado, USA)

Getting Married Question: John and I have known each other for about 9 months, and knew right from the start that God has a hand in this... Although the more I get to know John, the more I wonder if I can tolerate his judging and demanding ways! He has job he doesn't like, his walk with Christ comes second, he's moody, and overbearing with expectations. I have work that is seasonal, and has given me enough money not to work the winter. He's complaining as though I should have a crappy job like his! I don't know if I want to marry John anymore. I love him...but marriage is a huge step. Help! Pre-marriage counseling happens on Sundays at my church, and John works Sundays!

Answer: If John is the one you are suppose to marry, it doesn't mean you have to marry him now. Put the brakes on and get to know each other better. All of us have issues of some sort or another. So, it really comes down to knowing which issues you can live with and which ones you can't live with. Although it is not reasonable or wise to anticipate a person's behavior changing after you've married them. It is wise to bring your concerns out into the open and discuss them with your fiance sooner rather than later. Pray before the conversation and speak in love. Also, your fiance may be more receptive if you begin by talking about your own short comings. Then gently transition to your concerns about him.

Regarding him working on Sundays and premarital classes being held on Sundays, we see the same problem at our church on a frequent basis. Talk with those who are over pre-marriage counseling and ask them if there is anyway they can work with you guys. Perhaps they can make alternate arrangements for the two of you. You never know until you ask.


Finally, just remain prayerful and watchful. Don't get married without counseling. And don't get married with unresolved issues. Those unresolved issues will just show up in your marriage.


Blessings upon you,
Mike and Wanda