Getting over an affair

by X-fallen angel
(USA)

Question: Getting over an affair. I recently ended an affair. My husband doesn't know about it, but since the affair I have no interest in my husband at all. We have nothing in common.

I have had a heart-wrenching repentance & I know God has forgiven me. How can I forgive myself and additionally, how do I move on from the feelings I developed for x-affair partner knowing that they are sinful but not knowing how to turn them off? I can't seem to stop thinking of him, but I don't WANT to think of him!! I still cry over him.

Thank you so much....


Answer: We understand right now you are on an emotional roller coaster. But the fact of the matter is this, when you engage in sexual relations with any person, you create what is commonly known as "soul ties." This is good within the covenant of marriage, but outside of marriage it equates to emotional bondage. This is the reason you have no interest in your husband. Prayer and fasting is a good place to start. But we also recommend you read this article on breaking soul ties. It gives you specific steps to take for breaking soul ties.

Finally, you must know that deception and secrets are not of God. Therefore, you will not be able to restore your marriage until your secret is exposed. In other words, your spouse needs to be made aware of your affair. We know you have repented to God which is good, but you must now repent to your husband. This is not an option. when you tell him, don't make excuses for yourself or blame him for the decision you made. the affair was your choice. Yes, telling your husband will be painful. And there will likely be repercussions. But that is the unfortunate price of sin.

Once the affair has been exposed, you and your husband need to seek professional help from a Christian counselor. That is, if the two of you decide to fight for your marriage. We often tell couples that infidelity is merely a symptom of a deeper problem. A wake up call. Now it's time to get to the bottom of the real issue.

We will be praying for you.

With Christ's Love,
Mike and Wanda