Has God Forgot about Me and My Marriage

by Need Help
(California)

Question: Has God Forgot about Me and My Marriage? I'll try to make this short as possible. Me and my husband have known each other for 18 years. He went to prison for 10yrs. We got married 6mths after he was released,not wanting to live in sin.We've been married for 3yrs.He was always a person that showed care and had my back. Since he has been home he's been angry on and off at little things, he has had 3 three different affairs with women, which one was resulted in him sleeping with her, an associated of mine from church. He was a head Deacon and she was the Pastor's assistant, which she had left the church when they started messing around. I never seen it coming, because I'm the CFO of the church so I would be busy after service and I am also an usher. So he would sit with the Deacon's and I would be ushering.(as you can see he came home and went to my church). What a bad idea that he came to my church, I did not realize how many single and married women did not like me.

Now I wish that we had changed churches. He has since step down from being a Deacon. I made him for the sake of our marriage go to Pastor and tell him and my first lady the whole story. My Pastor has not called and checked on us AT ALL since this happen. One of the other women was a girlfriend of one of his friends. (WOW) I know. He lies about everything big and small, so I never know when he's telling me the truth! This is soooo hard.

This has been so crazy for me. He has gone to counseling twice and stop after one or two session. Now, I've been praying, fasting, anointing the house, his clothes, everything he touches. I've been trying to stay focus without loosing it. He says he knows he needs help and say he will do it, and whatever it takes for our marriage. But I'm realizing he says it for the moment and goes back to as if nothing never happen. When I put my foot down and tell him that in order for us to survive he MUST get counseling, I MUST have all his pass codes to his cell phones (god has always shown me his code to his cell phone when he did not give it to me,that's how he has gotten busted with these affairs) he came home to my house, my car and my entire life. He has my cell phone codes with no problem. I'm at my wits end. Now it's coming to us separating and I've told him I'm not for it, cause he needs to show that he really wants to be married. If not stop playing with GOD and me. We are still attending the same church. I think we need to leave soon, when God say so. Men from the church has been calling and checking on him. THANK GOD, someone is helping me with this. Sorry so long.

Answer:
Dear Daughter, You are doing all of the right things i.e., praying, fasting, seeking counsel from your pastor, and admonishing your husband to get counseling. But there is one thing that you can’t do and that is change your husband’s heart. Only God has the power to do that. The hard part is that sometimes it takes longer than we desire and sometimes God has to bring that person to rock bottom before they truly have a repentant heart and come running to Him.

Honestly, your husband does not sound as if he has had a TRUE salvation experience. In other words, he has head knowledge of Christ but no real relationship with Him. You see true repentance and love for Christ causes our hearts to feel deeply grieved when we sin against Him. This causes us to repentant, which means you completely turn in the opposite direction from the path that you were on and go in the opposite direction. On the other hand, when we are not sincerely grieved by our sin and do not repent, we end up repeating the same behaviors again and again. Why? Because all we did was confess after being caught. We may have said, “I’m sorry”, but nothing happened in our hearts because of our lack of relationship with Christ.

Anyway, we know this sounds harsh, but if your husband does not want to get counseling and is suggesting separation, then you must let him go. Even the Bible states that if an unbelieving spouse wants to leave that we are to let them leave because God is calling us to live peaceably. Yes, I know your husband is a believer, but the principle here is still relevant. You need to take your hands completely off and allow God to do whatever He wants to do; however He wants to do it; whenever He wants to do it.

Your job is to continue doing just what you’re doing minus trying to persuade and convince your husband to do the right thing. Let God do what only He can do. Trust God! Trust God! Trust God! Don’t try to be God! If God leads you to leave the church and your husband doesn’t want to leave, then leave and trust God! But make sure you are being directed by God and not by your emotions. Also, we would also like to suggest you read The Prodigal Spouse. It’s an excellent resource for separated couples, those contemplating separation, and even divorced couples desiring to reconcile.

We will be praying for your situation.

With Christ’s Love,
Mike and Wanda