Healing and restoration of our marriage

by Karla
(Lincoln)

Healing and restoration of our marriage: I'm 34 yrs old and my husband is 43. Been having stress at work. He works for himself and very stressed and long hours. Been married since 1998. Probably got together for wrong reasons. I needed his stability and he needed me as his mom was dying at the time. Now he says he never really has thought either one of us has been truly in love and I can't argue with much of his logic. I know we do love and care about each other. We don't have kids. Do have 2 cats which we love and adore. How to handle the cats is frightening too. He has owned this house before I moved in and so he doesn't want to lose it and that means I have to go on my own. He says I need to do that and grow up and be happier and find soul mate, etc. etc. He knows he has not been good husband to me. I didn't even tell my dad much and he observes that he is not good to me emotionally, he is not a real husband or any support and that I need a soul mate, someone who dotes on me and has same interests. I can't even think of that now,even if that is what would be best for me. I got content with not having kids and living like room mates. I accepted it, whether that has been wrong thing to do. I am scared of job loss too. My dad says he and his fiance and my brother and his wife will all be there for me and dad will help me with money too. Husband wants to give me a few grand and send me out in the world alone. I do have a guy friend I can stay with and we do not have any intimate relationship. I don't want one, he might someday if it worked out that way, but he knows that that is not what I have ever wanted. He has a large basement and bathroom and bedroom in it in which I can stay and get on my feet. He would even agree to put up my 2 cats as husband says I can take them cause they are more attached to me. I know I would probably have to have someone co sign for me then if I had lapse like that in being in home. At least that is what one rental place said. So many questions and no answers. Boss is working with me what she can. I have resources for counseling for me and legal advice set up for this week. Work gives us some benefits for this-8 counsel sessions and some discount on legal matters. I don't want this to be ugly if it goes to divorce as I may have to leave cats with him and try to get to visit them sometime. I am so beat down in every way and need to try to find new job and place to go and just so much on my mind. Pray for me to know what to do and be strong and for God's will to be done. I don't know if God wants this kind of marriage to go on. I know I would like it to work but things can't keep going on like they are. What hurts is that no one has physically cheated, beat up the other, or done any major infractions. It's just all been the summation of so much adding up over time and then just that maybe we should have never gotten married. He says I am just taking advantage of him and I have gotten lazy and let myself go and given up on life. He is right and at least he is now saying this in not such an emotionally abusive way, as he normally does, but it still hurts. I am a wreck and I have to try to go to work and today at work they tell us the work quotas are going up and many of us are struggling to get the quotas they have now. I am sure I could go on and on here. I am glad to meet with counselor tomorrow night and be able to put all this out there and see what can make sense of. Pray I am going to a good counselor that can help me. I don't know if all is too little too late here? I don't know if this is God's plan for me to have a better life? I just have taken for granted what I do have. I know there has been emotional abuse and my hubby does believe in God but he doesn't act on it. That is another source of strain for us as he disrespects my religious views and beliefs. I do get upset when he is doing or watching things that are way to evil, not that I am any sort of saint, but you know what I mean. We are not on the same page of life and we live separate and do separate things. Maybe God doesn't want to repair something as messed up as what we have? Thanks for your prayers.