How to do I deal with a cheating spouse?

Question:How to do I deal with a cheating spouse? My husband and I (who are both Christians) recently married in December 2009 after 2 1/2 years of dating. We were doing a long distance relationship during the latter part of our relationship. Recently I've had some suspicions about my husband's online activity - he set up a new instant messenger e-mail, will often close down IM conversations when I'm around, will always log off the computer when he leaves the room etc. Tonight he left his computer on, and I gave into my temptation and checked his IM archives. I have found out that he has communicated to many women during the entire course of our relationship, at least two where he was sexually involved or planned to be sexually involved with the women. One where he was planning on liaising with the woman while going out of town on a trip.

I really don't know what to do, and am so ashamed to go to my pastor with this information. Should I confront my husband?


Answer: First of all, YOU have nothing to be ashamed of. Your husband’s actions have nothing to do with you as a person, as a woman, or as his wife.

To answer your question about confronting your husband. Yes, we recommend you talk with your husband about this situation. However, before you do, pray for wisdom. Begin to pray that God will give you the mind of Christ and show you how to talk with your husband.

Going forward, there must be boundaries and repercussions in response to your husband's behavior. There must also be stipulations for moving forward. One of those stipulations must be that the two of you receive professional help. We recommend counseling by your pastor. Your pastor is your spiritual shepherd and will be able to guide you during this time. Feelings of shame are merely a trick of the enemy to keep you from getting help. Don't fall for it...get help.


Praying for you,
Mike and Wanda