Learning How to Forgive
in Christian Marriage

Learning How to Forgive

The Meaning of Forgiveness is Not Forgetting

Learning how to forgive is one of the secrets to longevity in marriage. But in order to forgive you must first understand the meaning of forgiveness and the forgiveness of God which was extended to us through His son Jesus.

But the truth is, when you've been hurt the last thing you want to do is to try and understand.

Especially when the source of your pain is the person you trusted the most in life.

You replay the events in your mind again and again trying to make sense of a senseless deed.

But the more you think about it, the sadder you become.

So, you try not thinking about it. You try to forget about it and move on. But the meaning of forgiveness is not forgetting.

You see, forgiveness has more to do with your heart than it does your memory.

Not only is forgiveness a matter of the heart, but according to the Word of God forgiving others is not optional. The Bible says that if you want forgiveness from God, you must forgive others, Colossians 3:13.

It doesn't matter what the offense, your response must always be "Lord, show me how to forgive."

When "I'm Sorry" Is Not Enough

Understanding How Forgiveness Works

When a person says "I'm sorry" unfortunately their apology does little to reduce or eliminate your pain. Just like the pain you experience in your physical body, emotional pain is a warning that there is a malfunction or injury.

How long will it take for you to completely heal from this soul injury? Well, that depends on three things: the depth of your hurt, your desire to be free from it, and your commitment to the process of releasing it to God.

The process is as unique as each individual. But the outcome can still be victorious if you allow the Holy Spirit to walk you through the process of overcoming bitterness and releasing the pain to God.

I Accepted the Apology

But I'm Not Sure If I Have Forgiven

When Michael and I were first married, we thought that forgiveness was merely saying "I'm sorry", and quickly moving on.

We said we had forgiven but in actuality all we had done was suppress our disappointment and pain. We pretended to be okay, when deep down inside we had resentment in our hearts.

Eventually, that which was in our hearts began to seep out of our mouths.

Remember, the Bible says that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.

So, no matter how hard you try to mask your feelings, your feelings will always be revealed in your words and behavior. Which can be destructive for your relationship with your spouse.

How Can I Praise God If I'm Bound in Chains?

Take Off Those Shackles

It is impossible to lift your hands to worship God in Spirit and in Truth if your heart is bound by unforgiveness.

Learning how to forgive your spouse for their flaws is crucial because if you remain in unforgiveness it's like accepting a life sentence of spiritual bondage.

Being in bondage means something or someone has over-powered you and is holding you prisoner. You are a slave to this thing. Your actions are governed by it and so are your thoughts.

In essence, you are unable to move forward in a progressive motion. Your inability to move forward means that you are not experiencing the fullness of God's joy and you are delaying the fulfillment of God's best being manifested in your life.

I Want to Be Free

Where Do I Start?

You can be totally free from the chains of unforgiveness by understanding the forgiveness of God that was given to you by Christ Jesus.

You see, Christ forgave you and continues to forgive you over and over and over again. There is no limit to His forgiveness.

Even after being nailed to a cross Jesus asked His Father to forgive those who had crucified Him.

Can you imagine that? Jesus had been beaten all night, verbally abused, spat upon, and falsely accused. Yet He was able to forgive.

And guess what? The same forgiveness that Jesus extended back then is the same forgiveness he expects you to extend today, especially to your spouse.

Remember, marriage is a union between TWO imperfect individuals. Neither of you are perfect. But understanding that Christ loves you both and forgives you both is the first step to understanding how to forgive one another.