I Need A Miracle

by Julia
(UK)

Hi. I am undertaking a 24 hour prayer/fast. I am engaged to be married to a lovely Christian man. I am 41 and he is 47. He has 4 children who have always lived with him - his wife walked out when the children were 6, 7 ,8 and 9. So he has always been the primary parent. Now the kids are 17,18,19 and 21. The 17 and 21 year old live at home and the 18 year old spends university holidays at home. They are Christians. I don't *dislike* them but they are so loud and messy and disrespectful at home - it is causing real problems with me and L.

I live two hours away so we take it in turns to visit. I am staying with my mother 85 at present as my father passed away a few months back. L doesn't want to change things for the kids at all but I need to know that they will be tidier and more respectful before I can set a date. Part of the house is like a building site too as L has started so much home improvement and not finished it. There is no way my mother could come up and stay the way the kids/house is. I try to explain to him that a tidy house = a tidy mind but he says that if I really loved him then the state of the house wouldn't matter. Yesterday he said that a tidy house wouldn't make me happy - only Jesus could make people happy. I have never been a neat freak - I am an avid reader/cook so I always have clutter but I need a certain amount of order just to operate. None of his friends have been in his house since the work started a few years ago so I know they think I am awkward for not setting a date. Also they have no idea how the children are - I had a migraine a few weekends ago while I was up there and they were playing the drums and guitar underneath my bedroom. One of his sons started singing outside my bedroom door at 1.20am. L said he couldn't tell them to tiptoe around because I had a headache. Writing this out here makes it sound that he doesn't love me but he does. He is obviously scarred from how his ex wife left. When we first got together in July 2009 he would have walked the world for me but now ......

Please please remember us in your prayers. If we aren't meant to stay together then please pray that I hear it loud and clear. I just find it so hard to believe that God would have brought us together only for us to part even sadder than when we first met.

Thank You! God Bless. xx


Hello Julia, this is Minister Wanda. I know this is a prayer request but I had to say this to you my dear. It sounds to me like you simply need a clearer understanding of marriage, not a miracle. Marriage is suppose to be a replica of the relationship that Christ has with the church. In other words, it's selfless. It's about giving of yourself to please the other person. Marriage is about giving. In fact, how much we love someone is reflected in how much we are willing to give of ourselves. Just as Christ gave himself for the church. I'm not saying he doesn't love you but if your fiance' really loves you like a husband should love his wife, then he would be willing to unselfishly make compromises for your benefit, that includes putting his kids in their places and requiring that they respect you. If he doesn't want to compromise, then frankly, he doesn't want to be married.

God brings people into our lives for a season, a reason, or a lifetime. Maybe this is not a lifetime relationship. Perhaps there was a lesson in all of this for you to learn. Instead of seeing it as time wasted, ask God to show you the lesson in all of this. Your spirit is obviously uneasy about getting married, so listen to your spirit. Don't force something that your spirit is obviously uneasy about. God gave us the Holy Spirit to lead us and guide us into all truth. We will be praying for the wisdom of God.


With Christ's Love,
Wanda