I want to be submissive but it's hard

by Nicole
(Cleveland, Ohio)

I want to be submissive but it's hard: I have been married for 7 years this past September. I feel as though I have done nothing but sacrifice throughout this marriage. My husband is not very motivated to be a bread winner and take the pressure off of me. He works but, he makes the bare minimum....I am not satisfied with that. We have 3 children together and I don't want my boys to grow up thinking that it's okay to live off of a woman nor, do I want my daughter to marry a man she has to take care of. Aside from his lack of being a good financial provider, my husband is an excellent father. He spends 90% of his time with our kids....sports practice, church, etc. I continually go back and forth with the idea of separation but, the idea of splitting my family scares me. My husband has many poor family members and I feel as though I've married into poverty. I understand generational curses and I am continuing to pray against it. Additionally, I want my husband to WANT to take care of us...his family! We are in need of a house and he is content renting a townhouse. He says he wants a home but, no actions have been made towards it. I get bitter, angry, mad and scared everyday....our future looks pretty bleak. I am trying to stay positive and hopeful. Also, everyone loves my husband....friends, my family, colleagues-he is very personable, charming and genuinely a nice guy. Last thing, it was prophesied to us (about 2 years ago) that we would receive a home from an elderly couple....I am holding on to God's promise (an assured dwelling place) but, it is hard. Please pray that I have faith in God's promises and our marriage, hope in our future and love for my husband (as sometimes that waivers).