Is a second or third wife any less significant?

by Janis
(Louisiana)

Question: My husband and I have been married before. My husband seems to think he know so much about Gods behavior towards the Old Testaments saints/covenants and how they relate to believers today. He tells me that we should love one another with the God kind of love, agape, and that does not include all of the mushiness, or emotion, or the so-call human love. However, this was not the case before we got married. He would tell me that he loved me a lot, and now he seems to have taken a different stance to getting close or intimate. His children usually come before me most of the time and he claims that our time for developing a love affair with each other has had its lifetime opportunity and this is the childrens time. His son is 20 and just got married. And his daughter who is 23 has only been married for 7 months and in the process of getting a divorce....she is very domineering and her father is so into his childrens' relationship I wonder if they will ever be free to develop on their own. However, I feel so alone, and he does not understand that. Everything is the children, and God didn't set forth rules for this or that, or show me that in the Bible is what he would say. Is a second or third wife any less significant than being the fist wife?


Answer: Hello Janis, you want to know if you are any less significant to your husband since you are not his first wife? The answer is no. Whether you are the first wife or the tenth wife, you are still the "wife", and according to scripture, the husband is suppose to give his wife priority in his life. Ephesians 5:25 says that husbands are to love their wives even as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. In other words, Christ was so passionate about the church, the church was such a priority for him that he was willing to make the ultimate sacrifice by giving up his life.

But what you must keep in mind is that you do not have the power to change the heart of your husband. Only the Holy Spirit can do that. So become the intercessor in your family. Begin to pray daily for your husband and for the children. Pray that God would enlighten your husband's understanding regarding marriage. Pray that God will soften your husband's heart so that he can hear your heart. We highly recommend the book, The Power of a Praying Wife. We also recommend you become involved with activities at the church, or volunteer your time helping others. We know it will not be easy, but begin to shift your focus onto Christ and off of what your husband is doing. Give the situation over to Him. Your situation will not change because of any words you say, because it does not appear that your husband is listening. Your situation will change because of the power of prayer.

Also, in the mean time, be sure to continue showing your husband unconditional love and guard your heart against bitterness or unforgiveness. Otherwise, your prayers will be hindered.

We love you and are praying for you!
Mike and Wanda

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