Is it God's Will that I Get Married?

by Sajina
(Napli Coast)

Question:I accepted Christ as my personal
Saviour 5 years ago. I used to serve in church lead the worship and work as the Sunday school teacher. I am very simple in the clothes that I wear and have a very introvert type of personality. Maybe it was my personality that caused one of the guys who is now a minister to propose to me through his sister who is my friend. I was quite surprised at that moment. I used to call him brother and had never thought of him as anything more. So I prayed about it for a week and finally accepted his proposal. I felt like I loved him.... or not. Time went on and everything was OK except some small misunderstanding. Eventually, we messed up our relationship. He began doubting me and pressuring me to get married. But at that time I was thinking to build up my career. But finally I agreed to marry him. Afterward, my church members and pastors approached my parents to talk about the proposal.
But my father who is newly born believer didn't give definite answer at that time. The next day my mum compelled me to give up the relation. I had the fear that my father and mother would be humiliated and emotionally tortured if I marry this guy.as he is not of socially accepted class.
After prayer and fasting, we patched up our relationship.

But once again due to small misunderstanding he broke up with me. I prayed again and we patched up. The problem between us was that we were both self-centered; there was a lack of communication between us; he was trying to stay in contact with me but because I feared the family I ignored him

Many problems arose because of lack of communication many problems also arose in my life. Again, he began to doubt me and wondered If I was seeing someone else. So, after 4months with lack of communication he gave up on our relationship. Finally I prayed and called him back. Now I'm not able to change myself. I was suspended from the worship team and had left to go to church. at that time we r lacking communication for 4 months.

I don't know what God's will is. One of the ministers who is also my colleague told me God is saying no to this relationship. But if that is true, I don't understand why we patched up after 14 days after fasting and prayer. Now I have thoughts to marry him against my fathers will. My mothers is on our side. But his family also refuses to take me in now because of the continuous breakups. But previously they were happy to see me in his life.

We fear God. We haven't touched each other or met in private place because of fear of temptation. He is also a good guy. But the problem is that he doubts me a lot and finds it difficult to trust me. I met him and said if you can trust me and realize my needs and can accept some changes on me, only then will I get married. He said he could...

But I am afraid that if he begins to doubt me and my character after marriage, we will mess up our life. Even still I tried to give up my desires, my vision, and go through his vision and desire. He doesn't realizes my sacrifice. I'm praying. I don't know what God actually wants. Please help me!

Answer: Sajina, there are several things you need to keep in mind. Once you understand these Biblical truths, you will also understand what you need to do.

First of all, the Bible says that God is not the author of confusion. Your relationship with this gentleman has been nothing but confusion from the beginning. Again my friend -- God is not the author of confusion.

Secondly, the Bible says regarding marriage that "two shall become one". This is a principle that extends throughout marriage. In other words, marriage is a joining of two different people with different goals and desires. Marriage does not require you to give up those desires God placed in your heart. Spouses who make this mistake end up resenting the other person later on in marriage.


You said you were afraid that your fiance' may not trust you after marriage. Well, that is a valid concern. Typically, the same problems you have prior to getting married (while dating) are the same problems you'll have after you get married.


Sajina, it is not difficult to know what the will of God is concerning our lives. He speaks in so many ways. He speaks through circumstances, other people, the Bible, and other ways. He has spoken to you through all of these mediums.


Listen to the wise counsel that God has already sent your way. But most of all follow the spirit inside of you. If you do not have ABSOLUTE peace in your heart -- that again is God trying to get your attention. It's up to you to listen or not.



We will be praying for you,
Ministers Mike and Wanda