Marital Advice for Christian Wives

by Lori Lowe
(www.LoriDLowe.com)

Marital Advice for Christian Wives

Who is Your Source of Joy?

Our spouse can’t be our true source of joy.

After interviewing happily married couples across the U.S. who have overcome adversity and been strengthened by it, this became one of the twelve lessons emerged from the stories. It’s also a lesson I’ve had to incorporate into my own marriage.

In today’s modern world, where we marry for love and are often much less connected to extended family than in the past, sometimes we wives expect our husbands to fill every relational need we have. We want him to listen eagerly, to be emotionally supportive at all times, to be our best friend and lover. Sometimes we need to remember than men often have different skills, propensities, and personalities than their wives. Husbands can’t read our minds, even if we’ve been married to them for twenty years.

It’s probably preferable to have your best friend, your mother, or your sister each fill some of your relational needs. In this way, you may have fewer unrealistic demands on your husband. More than that, Christian women need to understand that only God can be our true source of joy. Any person who we expect to perfectly meet our needs will sometimes fail, even with the best of intentions.

In his book, Surprised by Joy, C.S. Lewis writes of his experiences with finding joy in unexpected divine experiences. It is this search for joy that is often our deepest longing. Again, we can’t expect this longing to be fulfilled by finding our “soul mate” and living happily ever after. Later in life, C.S. Lewis married a woman named Joy, with whom he was deeply in love. Following her untimely death, according to his book, A Grief Observed, he fell into despair and questioned his faith. Yet, he ultimately turned back to God for his strength.

One of a dozen stories I share in my book, First Kiss to Lasting Bliss, is a couple with opposing religions. Neither spouse felt matters of faith were important before being married. Though the wife had been raised as a Christian, the husband did not believe in God. After the birth of their daughter, she felt the need to return to the faith of her youth, and experienced a revival of her faith. While she encouraged her husband to participate in church and her faith journey, he persisted in his unbelief and determination to stay clear of religion.

The result was a period of conflict that lasted about seven years, ultimately testing their marriage. She agrees with the biblical advice to eschew marriage between Christians and non-believers; however, once married she believed she was called to live her marriage with love. Eventually, the wife realized that “saving” her husband was not her job, and that God didn’t need her help. She instead focused on being loving and patient with her husband. He, in turn, softened his heart and became less defensive. While he has not converted to her faith, he has agreed to attend church sometimes and consider matters of the faith with an open mind.

Their marriage has been greatly strengthened over the years, and their love and companionship is stronger than most marriages.

The difficulty in marriages like this where an insurmountable obstacle may reside, is that their theological differences do create some emotional distance between them. For example, her faith is paramount to her, and her prayer life and church community are a large part of her life. However, she realized that her source of joy and strength is in God, not in her husband. So prayer does provide support for her.

Many couples may experience differences of opinion in their marriage, although perhaps not as dramatic as this one. The lesson is the same. We are called to live our lives with love, patience and kindness. Christians are called to turn to God as our true source of joy; we should not expect our spouse to “make us happy.”

What is your opinion about this? Do you ever have expectations for your husband that he does not meet? Does he expect things of you that you find difficult to meet? What do you find to be your biggest strength in marriage?


To connect with Lori, go to: www.LoriDLowe.com.