Improving Marriage Communication

Just a few days ago we were challenged in the area of communication. Here's what happened: I was researching a particular subject for the website, and because I knew Michael would have valuable insight on the topic, I asked him for his input.

That should have ended happily, right? Wrong. Immediately the air filled with tension. Suddenly, I got blind-sided. My simple question with good intentions quickly turned into a complex half hour discussion about guess what? That's right, marriage communication...

My loving husband gently reminded me of a few things I had apparently forgotten. He said he felt I was being inconsiderate of his time. I listened to him and made this conclusion, he was right and I was wrong. That's right, and it only took minutes for me to see and understand what my husband was saying and feeling.

However, there was a time when the above scenario would have meant a complete breakdown of all discussion and hours of us being upset with each other. All I can say is, Hallelujah! God has moved us past that point.

Are you wondering what was wrong with me asking for my husband's input? Well, technically there was nothing wrong with my request.

Effective communication involves more than mere words.

Effective marriage communication involves, motivations, tone of voice, attitude, timing, and a few other essentials. The source of discord in our situation lay in my timing, awareness, and expectations.

First of all, I approached him when he was preoccupied with another task. Secondly, I placed a deadline on him without considering his schedule. And lastly, my expectations of him were based on how Wanda operates, instead of on how Michael operates.

In order to improve your communication in marriage you must first be willing to go beyond the surface of what you think you know and what you thought you heard.

Secondly, you must be willing to take a long hard look at yourself and face up to your part in the communication breakdown. Third, you must be willing to give complete control of your tongue to the Holy Spirit.

Finally, know that this is a day-by-day process. When you fall short, get up by the Spirit of God, dust yourself off, and try it again!

• Do pray before engaging in serious conversations
• Do be slow to speak but quick to listen
• Don't allow the emotions of your spouse to dictate your responses
• Don't allow your expectations to consume you
• Do give a soft answer
• Don't interrupt
• Don't be judgmental
• Do clarify what you thought you heard. Ex. "So what you're saying is..."
• Do be patient
• Don't allow your attention to drift
• Don't choose to talk when you or your partner are physically or mentally exhausted.