Marriage Confusion

by Anonymous
(Trinidad)

Marriage Confusion: I don't know where to start...My husband left me for another woman we are in the process of a divorce. I am very hurt, about this and I do not want to hurt anymore. I can't pray, I feel out of place in church, I feel abandoned.

I am baptized my husband was not... My husband now lives with the other woman and he seems to be happy. She is wealthy so he has moved up the ladder , he has a great job, he just bought a new car his life is going great I travel by taxi and was almost robbed last year but I ran because the robber could not get the gun out from his waist in time...He does everything with this woman I rarely got any of his time. My husband watches me like I am a nobody. I see the hate in his eyes. I feel it. I try my best not to make eye contact when we do have to communicate because of our daughter. He has said he never loved me and we had an arrangement not a marriage and he never wanted to marry me. (What!)

I had to move back home and start my life and my daughters life over from scratch. I have never slept with another guy yet I have an infection i can't get rid of because while we were together if I got treated he would not go to the doctor even though i asked him too. Within a 2 month period of being with this girl he started going to the doctor I am guessing he infected her.
I hear it all the time, on the radio, in church, from people that adultery is wrong but I feel as though I committed the adultery because I am struggling. I am the one who feels like I did something wrong and am ashamed because I couldn't keep my husband and he left me... so something must be wrong with me! he has not left her and it doesn't look that way! he does stuff for her he never did for me.

He has cursed me and as he puts it, "the god that I serve"...which I struggle doing anymore. I am the one who is left to pick up the pieces, the stretch marks ...I can't see myself being with anyone I am afraid of what I look like post baby and because my husband has slandered my name.. I am only living right now cause I have allowed myself not feel anymore.