Marriage Question About My Husband

by Stacy
(Indianapolis, Indiana )

Question:
My husband and I have separated numerous of times and we've only been married going on 2 years. He has some addictions and he doesn't really understand how to be a provider for his household. He depends on me a lot to take on the responsibilities of the household. I attend church and I love God and what he is doing in my life right now. My husband gave his life over to Christ January of 2009 but when we separate in May he stopped going. We got back together after a month but I just couldn't stand to see him and the things he did bothered me a whole lot. So needless to say he saw that I didn't want to be bothered and left once again. What should I do?


Answer:
Hi Stacy:

The first thing we want to do is encourage you to continue praying, attending church, and feeding your spiritual man. It is crucial you keep your faith in God strong at this time as you trust God to work on your behalf.

It sounds as if your husband's problem may have only been dealt with on a superficial level. Until someone gets to the core of his addiction, the problem is going to continue.

Stacy, your husband is in need of professional counseling that addresses his addiction. If his addiction is drugs or alcohol, then serious consideration should be given to a drug rehabilitation center, a place where he can get the help he needs.

The fact that he does not know how to be responsible when it comes to his family is likely because he has not had any role models to model this for him. Once he receives help, he can be taught how to properly be the head of his home.

We think you should start with finding out if there are any Christian drug rehabilitation programs in your area. You can research this online. Secondly, if your church has a ministry that is solely for men, your husband needs to be a part of this ministry. He needs to be surrounded by Godly men who can mentor him and hold him accountable. But this is secondary to him getting professional help for his addiction.

Should he be back at home? Not if him being home is placing you in physical danger. Neither should he be home if he is doing anything illegal that again places you in danger. We don't know the details so only you can make that decision.

But we can say this, if he comes back home it must be with a plan of action to get "professional help". If he comes back home, you must be willing to love him through this ugly place without judging, criticizing, or having an attitude.


Understand that if he is not going to church, then YOU are the only church he sees. And so, he needs to know that you love him with the love of Christ, that is, unconditionally. He needs to know that although you hate what he is doing, you love him and will do what you can to get him the help he needs, that is, if he wants it. After all, you are his "help-meet". For better or for worse.

Now, all of that is assuming your husband is open to receiving help. If he is not open to getting help, then your plan of action should be to continue in prayer for him. Pray for his salvation, pray for his safety, pray that God's will would be done in his life. We will be praying for you as well.


Your Brother and Sister in Christ,
Mike and Wanda

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