Christian Marriage Questions

We get e-mails all the time from Christian couples around the world with questions about marriage. To our surprise, many of the questions are the same. So we decided to post a few of the most commonly asked questions here on this page.

Browse the page to see if your question is on the list. If you don't find your question, just click here to submit your question and we'll gladly deliver the answer directly to your in-box.

Marriage Question: My husband wants me to agree to a threesome. Is it okay for Christian couples to do this? My gut is telling me no.

Answer: That gut feeling is the Holy Spirit leading you, trust it. Sex between a husband and wife is sacred. Not only that, but bringing a third party into your bedroom is adultery. It does not matter if the third person is a male, a female, or single.

Neither does it matter if both the husband and wife agree to the threesome. If both of you agreed to commit murder, it would still be a sin. Some Christians are under the false impression that as long as the two of you agree then anything is permissable in your bedroom. This is not true.

The only scripture that talks about agreement in the bedroom is found in 1 Corinthians 7:5 and it says that husbands and wives should not abstain from sex unless the two of them have agreed to this in order to commit to prayer for a time.

The bottom line is if you have sex with anyone other than your spouse you have committed the sin of adultery.

Marriage Question: My wife admitted to having an affair two years ago. I am extremely hurt and want out.

Answer: First we want to tell you that it's not your fault so don't let the enemy trick you into believing that it is. Infidelity is a choice.

Next we want to say that contrary to common belief, an affair does not mean the end of your marriage. Yes, the Bible does grant us the option of divorce if adultery is involved, but this does not mean you must divorce. God is able to heal even our deepest hurts.

So, the first thing you need to do is go to God in prayer. Ask the Lord to heal you, and comfort you. Also ask God to help you to forgive your spouse just as Christ forgave you.

Often times, adultery is just a symptom of another problem. So you need to have a talk with your spouse without yelling, blaming, or judging. During this conversation it is important to really listen.

Finally, seek Pastoral counseling, professional counseling, or some other counseling alternative to assist the two of you through this difficult time. This process is not going to be easy but it will be well worth it in the end.

We never counsel couples to get a divorce, so we are not going to tell you to leave your wife. Our advice is to do what ever you can to save your marriage.

Question: Can you describe what sexual perversion is?

Answer:Sexual perversions spoken of in the Bible include, homosexuality, beastiality (sex with an animal), and sex with another family member.

Marriage Question: My husband is not very romantic but I on the other hand am a die hard romantic. I've tried writing him love notes, and doing other romantic things to get him interested but nothing seems to work. I'm starting to feel rejected. Can you give me some advice?

Answer: First of all, don't take it personally. Our guess is that the things you are doing for your husband are things you would want him to do for you. However, just because these are things you would appreciate does not mean your husband will or should appreciate them.

You see, we all have a different love language and the problem is you have not discovered your husbands'. Once you find out his love language you'll be amazed at how quickly things will turn around.

Marriage Question: Do Christians have to get married?

Answer: Marriage was established by God in the beginning with Adam and Eve because God said it was not good for the man to be alone. While God thought it was best for the man to have a helper, the Bible does not say we must get married. This is what Paul says in the book of Corinthians: "But I speak this by permission not by commandment. For I would that all men were even as I myself.

But every man has his proper gift from God, one after this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they can not contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn, 1 Corinthians 7:6-9."

In this scripture Paul is suggesting that if at all possible, Christians should remain unmarried like him unless they are burning with sexual lust. Paul says, this is not a commandment, but really just his personal opinion. So based on this scripture, it's clear that marriage is a choice for us not a requirement.

If you choose to remain single as Paul did, it is not a sin. But if you are unable to control your sexual desires, then it is best that you get married to keep yourself from falling into sin.

Marriage Question: Is is it wrong for Christian couples to have an occasional glass of wine once or twice a week?

Answer:Most of us don't realize it but Maytag was not invented in the days Jesus walked the earth. What does that mean? That means they had no means of refrigeration so all they had to drink was juice, wine, and water.

Due to the fact that Jesus himself drank wine, we do not believe drinking wine is a sin. However, becoming addicted to alcohol, and getting drunk are sins. How do we know Jesus drank wine? Good question. We know because Jesus said so in Luke 7:33-34 TNIV. We used red lettering to indicate that this is a direct qoute from Jesus:

"For John the Baptist came neither eating nor drinking wine, and you say He has a demon. The Son of man came eating and drinking, here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners. But wisdom is proved right by all her children."

How do we know becoming drunk is a sin? See Ephesians 5:17-18 TNIV

"Be very careful then how you live- not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore, do not be foolish but understand what the will of the Lord is. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead be filled with the spirit."

Marriage Question: I was hurt last year by my husband and while I said that I had forgiven him, I still find myself thinking about what he did. Have I truly forgiven?

Answer: Forgiving means you pardon the offense and no longer hold the other person accountable. When you forgive it does not mean you forget. occasionally thinking about the incident does not mean you have not forgiven.

On the other hand, if you find yourself thinking about the offense frequently, becoming angry or depressed when you think about it, and constantly reminding your spouse of their sin, this is a good indicator that you have not forgiven.

Marriage Question: Is oral sex a sin?

Answer: the Bible does not prohibit oral sex. In fact, many Christian scholars believe these scriptures in the Songs of Solomon 2:3, and 4:16 are a poetic description of Solomon and his wife engaging in oral sex.