Marriage Separation Reconcilation Question

by Anonymous
(Ca)

Marriage Separation Reconciliation Question: My husband and I have been married for 18 years and it was a very abusive relationship first physical then emotional on both our parts and we have 4 children together, twins girls 18, two sons ages 15 and 8. I decided in August of 2009 that I had enough and I gave up on him I asked him to leave and we needed to divorce. I told him that I was "sending" him away still loving him at the time it made sense but now that I have been saved by our Lord Jesus Christ I realized I was wrong and I started trying to get him back through prayer and talking. We both started a new relationship in those few months (we were so lost) I did guard my heart and my body he did not do that he let it all go. He came home under "GODS WILL" on Nov 2, 2009. Praise GOD! After the reality set in that he really really cared for this other female he started acting more quiet and distant he actually professed that they made a tremendous bond with her including sexually, that crushed me to the core. But since then things are getting better and he states that he has to learn to love me because he thinks he never did. We are involved in our church but I am always having to slip in a reminder that we need to pray with our children and have a couple prayer. I have to remind him to read the bible and I just don't know if he wants to let her go. He has not said anything about her in a while and I feel things are getting better but his actions at times show different. I wish he had a real brother to show him how to stick with it and how important it is for him to put more effort in me. He has been home four months now and things are getting better but I guess it's my fear from his past words that weigh me down.

Thank you for any advice.



Answer: Thank your for sharing your question with us. We rejoice with you that God has brought your husband back home! What you must do now is let go of your fear and trust God to do what only He can do. Often times, we get in the way of what God wants to do because we feel He needs our help.

While we understand your desire to have a husband who sincerely loves the Lord and takes the spiritual lead in your family. There's nothing you can do to quicken that process.

If you are spiritually more mature than your husband, be patient with him until he spiritually matures. Regarding praying together and with the children. If you have to remind him, it's okay. Pray for him daily and ask God to make this a priority for him. Even if you have to completely take the lead in this area and facilitate the prayer time on your own, it's okay. Just keep praying and trusting God to grow your husband in this area.

As far as reminding your husband to read the Bible for his own spiritual enrichment, stop. Again, you can't transform him into the man of God you think he should be.

He will only begin to read the Word when he has a sincere hunger for the Word. So, again, pray and ask God to give him a hunger for the things of God.

You must make a decision to relinquish your need to control the situation and TOTALLY trust God. If you don't we guarantee you will find yourself upset and frustrated with your husband often.

Regarding his feelings for this other female, your position once again is praying. Only God has the power to change the heart of a person.

You said the two of you are involved in a local ministry. Do they have a couple's ministry? Do they have a men's ministry? These are ministries that would greatly benefit you guys individually and as a couple. A men's ministry would be a perfect opportunity for your husband to surround himself with other Godly men.

If you haven't shared our website with your husband, do so. Download the free Bible studies and study them together. Sign up for the free devotionals and discuss those together.

We will be praying for the two of you.


Your Brother and Sister in Christ,
Mike and Wanda

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