Marrying someone who is twice divorced

by Stephanie
(Houston, TX)

Question: Marrying someone who is twice divorced. I have been dating a gentleman for about a year. He's been married twice and has been upfront with me about his mistakes/failures in his previous marriages. My question is what advice would you give to someone dating a person whose been married more than once? By the way, I have never been married and have no children. He has five (4 biological and 1 adopted).

Answer: Hi Stephanie. Our advice is to take things EXTREMELY slow. How slow? A snails pace would be good :) It is VERY important that you allow yourself time to really get to know your friend beyond the superficial. While he has told you his side of the story. Please keep in mind that there is always three sides to a story (God's, person #1, and person #2); therefore, you do not know all of the facts. We don't condemn him for being divorced twice. But anyway you slice it, the truth is, two failed marriages ought to be a big red flag for his next intended spouse. Is it possible he has learned from his mistakes and is a lot maturer now? Yes, it certainly is possible. But it would still be wise to proceed with caution. In other words, you must do your due diligence now to avoid a disaster later. Otherwise, you might find yourself trapped in a miserable marriage. Or, you could end up being ex-wife #3. We suggest you do the following:

1. Slow down the pace of the relationship.

2. Make sure he is not just a Christian, but has a serious relationship with Christ. If the two of you don't attend a church, start.

3. Get to know his family and friends.

4. Pray and ask God to reveal anything hidden so that you will not be deceived. Again, you must give God time to do this. So refer back to #1.

5. Pray daily for wisdom and discernment.

5. If you do make a decision to get married, DO NOT get married without receiving pre-marital counseling.



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Mike and Wanda