My Christian Marriage Problem

by DLC
(Frankfurt, Germany)

Question: Here's my Christian marriage problem. My husband (K) befriends women and recently I've learned that he has been talking on the phone, chatting with, e-mailing a woman. God keeps putting things in front of me and I question K about what God reveals to me and what K has been telling me, I found out were all lies. I ask him if he wants out and he says he does not know what he wants. He said that he is not right in his head, and he asked himself why he does what he does. I have a very compassionate spirit. But I told him, I have no sympathy for him, that my compassion has run out. He says he has not had sex with anyone, but I don't know what to believe. I am hurting really bad right now. We have been married for 27 years and are now living overseas and i feel all alone. I turn to the Word, but it just seems I need more. The pain makes me want to leave him, but my heart wants to stay because I love him. He says he loves me. It makes me feel like I don't fulfill him - he says that I do. I just don't understand. I want to find in the Bible where it talks about what I am going through. I told K it is considered infidelity, even if he "is not" having sex. I am getting tired. I am no angel, we all have sinned and fallen short. But the difference is that since we have been going through all this (at least 7 or 8 months now), I have dropped all my defenses and been brutally honest with him and I have been working on me Spiritually and praying for our marriage. But I can't do it alone. Please help me.

Answer: Hi DLC. We can only imagine the loneliness you must feel being so far away from home but do your best to remember and believe that you are NOT alone. Jesus said He would never leave or forsake you. You need support from outsiders and the two of you need counseling. Support for you looks like other Christian women who can encourage and pray for you. You can find these woman at church. If you don't have a church begin praying and asking God to lead you to a church. At that point, the two of you may be able to get pastoral counseling from the pastor. If pastoral counseling is not an option, seek out a professional counselor. If your husband refuses to attend counseling, go alone.

Although reading your Bible may not always ease your pain, still continue to read it. Read about having faith, and the promises of God. Consider signing up for our Free Monthly Devotionals. When you do, you'll get a free prayer journal and Scripture references that will be helpful to you in your time of Bible reading. If you haven't noticed, the majority of things we are suggesting have more to do with you than with your husband. That's because you don't have the power to change your husband. With that being said, you must focus on yourself i.e, your healing, and your relationship with Christ. We would also like to suggest you read Boundaries in Marriage by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. This book will help you with setting boundaries in your relationship. We will be praying for you.


With Christ's Love,
Mike and Wanda