My wife and I have been separated for seven months

by John
(Orange City Florida)

Question: My wife and I have been separated for seven months. My wife says she loves me but can not live with me. Mainly it was my drinking but I don't drink anymore. I have changed myself for the better and she says she likes me a lot better now but still does not want to come back home.

All we do when we see each other is argue and I don't like doing that with her. I love her very much. I started reading the bible, going to church, or watching Charles Stanley on Sunday. I just don't know where to go from here.

I love her very much and I want her back we have been married 32 yrs. She has a lot of anger issues that I don't know how to deal with. She likes to push my buttons and most of the time I can handle it.

Answer: John, we are sad to hear about your separation from your wife. But we applaud the efforts you have made in changing your life. First, concerning your wife, one of the hardest things we as humans have to come to grips with is the fact that we do not have the power to change the heart of another human being, only God can do that. Your wife is obviously still hurting and bitter from past events in your marriage. You must allow her time to heal -- as she has been deeply wounded. If you haven't already asked her for forgiveness, then you need to so. And be specific about what it was you did that caused her pain. Once you have asked for forgiveness, you must leave this burden at the foot of your Heavenly Father and trust Him to take care of it. Tell your Heavenly Father your heart's desire and pray for your wife daily. But understand that this does not mean your wife is going to instantly return to you. What it does means is that you acknowledge there is nothing more you can do. And so you are trusting God TOTALLY to handle it from here. You've gone as far as you can go.

Once you give it to God, you must begin to focus all of your attention on strengthening your relationship with Christ. You mentioned that you've been going to church and watching Charles Stanley on television, this is wonderful, but have you ever really accepted Christ? That is, have you ever prayed the Prayer of Salvation asking Christ into your heart? If not, you should do this right away.


Here is a prayer you can pray:


“Lord Jesus, I believe that you are the Son of God, that you died for my sins, and that you were buried and rose again on the third day. I am sorry for the sins I have committed against you and ask that you would forgive me of all my sins. Come into my heart and take control of my life. Take my life and make it the way you want. I confess you now as my Lord and Savior. I turn from my old ways and confess that I am a new creature in Christ. Thank you Jesus for saving me, Amen.”

---SIDEBAR---

John please be certain to check your motivations. Make sure you are not using God as a means to get your wife back. Make sure your motivations for going to church, and reading your Bible are purely because you love God and desire to change your life -- not merely for your wife. Otherwise, your change will be short lived and frustrating.
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Finally, we would like to suggest you become actively involved in your local church. Don't just attend on Sunday. It is important that you surround yourself with God-minded people, especially men that love the Lord. Find out if your church has a men's ministry and become involved with it. If they don't have a men's ministry become involved in other ministries. The fellowship and accountability it provides will be essential to your spiritual growth.


We love you and will be praying God's best for you.


Peace and Blessings,
Mike and Wanda

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