Need Christian Marriage Advice about Future Mother-in-Law

Question: Well, my fiance and I will be getting married on October 16th of this year, he has two children that are very attached to his mother and father. At the beginning of our engagement was great, but as it gets closer to the wedding date both my fiance and I have noticed that my mother in law to be has tried everything in her power to keep me from spending time with my fiance and his children. She, herself has told me that she will never let go of her son and no one will ever take him away from her. As a christian women she knows that once a man and a women get married they leave their parents and unite as one with their wife, but bottom line she has been getting in the way of my fiance and my relationship. We both have talked to her and told her that she just needs to step back and let us be happy, but the talking has done nothing to make her realize that she is stressing us out. Please help!!!

Answer: Hi there. Congratulations on your upcoming marriage! Regarding your future mother-in-law. It is your finance's responsibility, not yours, to deal with this situation. He must set clear hard boundaries with his mom and dad. These boundaries should be discussed by the two of you first. But should be implemented and conveyed by him in a stern manner.

If the boundaries are not honored by his parents, then the two of you must, without hesitation, alter the dynamics of your relationship with them.

For instance, if his mother is providing childcare for the two children, then find a new baby sitter. Both of you should limit your contact with her until she is able to honor the boundaries that have been established and honors you as his soon to be wife.

You said, "... she just needs to step back and let us be happy...". But what needs to happen is that you and your fiance need to step back from her and just be happy. In other words, after your future husband has established the boundaries, if she refuses to honor them, then limit your contact with her until she does -- you guys step back.

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."
Genesis 2:24 NIV


Remember, your marriage and the success of it comes before anything and anyone, including his mother.


P.S. Do not enter into marriage with this being unresolved. If your fiance is not willing to put down his foot by setting clear boundaries, requiring his mother to honor you and limiting his contact with her if she doesn't, then the two of you should not get married. That may sound extreme but it's the truth. Trust us, this situation could easily lead to a divorce later if not dealt with properly now.


Blessings,
Mike and Wanda






Return to: Christian Wives Internet Cafe Home




Finished Reading Need Christian Marriage Advice about Future Mother-in-Law? Return to: Christian Marriage Today Home Page