Not Happy in Marriage

by Mary
(Citrus Heights, Ca)

Question: Not happy in marriage. I have been married for 30 years. My husband has cheated, lied - been self centered with our finances, verbally abusive. He has been all of the above - and I feel so trapped - being in a relationship with someone who has not been there for me. What do I do? I can't even be intimate with him. I feel I have let the Lord down.

Help


Answer: Hello Mary. We are sorry to hear about the struggles you're having in your marriage. We once read somewhere that marriage is a "crucible", meaning a severe test. A severe test because it often inflicts much pain. But why is it so painful? Because marriage is suppose to transform us into the image of Christ.

Here's what we recommend:

1. Shift your focus off of your husband and onto your relationship with Christ. Allow God to transform you. As you do not have the power to change your husband.

2. Seek daily to be released from unforgiveness and bitterness towards your husband. The Bible says that your prayers will not be heard if you have unforgiveness in your heart. Not only does unforgiveness hinder your prayers, the Bible also says that if you don't forgive, then you won't be forgiven of your sins

3. Pray daily for your husband's salvation.

4. Read this inspiring article.

5. Become active in a church along with your husband. If he refuses to go, go alone.

6. Discuss marriage counseling with your husband. If he doesn't want to attend, go alone. Counseling would be good for you.

Beloved, please know that you have not let God down. In fact, it's impossible to let Him down because He knows the end of a thing from the very beginning. He knows your every thought, and everything you'll do before you ever do it. Although your husband has not been there for you, God is always there. Lean on him TOTALLY and allow Him love you.


On a final note. Rarely do we recommend separation. But we have in certain cases. One of those cases is when there is abuse of any kind. You mentioned that your husband has been verbally abusive to you. If this is still occurring, we believe a temporary separation should be considered. Of course, counseling should be sought during your time apart.


We love you and will be praying God's will be done in your marriage and in your life. Please let us know if we can assist you further.


Your Brother and Sister in Christ,
Mike and Wanda



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