Preparing for Marriage

Preparing for Marriage
Should We Get Married?

Are you preparing for marriage but wondering at the same time "should we get married?" if so, then it's time to put on the brakes.

They say love is blind but love actually has 20/20 vision. What happens is we sometimes choose not to see the obvious because we're more concerned about not being alone.

Marriage is not a fairytale by any stretch of the imagination, it's a lot of hard work! Sure, it may look like a piece of cake, probably wedding cake from where you're sitting, but trust me it's not.

So, if you're asking yourself, "Should I get married?" or better yet "Should we get married?" It's time for you to take an honest look at your relationship and your motives for wanting to be married:

Why Am I Getting Married?
Examine Your Motives

You should Not get married if you are being driven by a desire not to be alone. If you think you're getting old and you're running out of options, you have the wrong motives. If you are getting married because you feel pressured or even because you're pregnant, again these are the wrong motives.

What about getting married for financial reasons? Your financial situation is temporary; marriage is forever. What about getting married because you're in love? Believe it or not it will take a lot more than love to make your marriage last a life time.

Do We Really Know Each Other?
Go Beyond The Superficial

If you have not seen the good, the bad, and the ugly, you should NOT get married. You see, during the dating stage the two of you are both putting your best foot forward and trying your hardest to be nice, polite, and easy going.

But the reality is we all have bad days and bad habits. If the two of you have only seen the good side of each other, then I'm afraid your relationship is merely superficial and does not have the depth it will need in order to survive.

Am I Fulfilling a Fantasy?
A Wedding or A Marriage

If you are more concerned with your wedding colors, and wedding flowers than you are about making sure you have a marriage that's going to last, you should Not get married. You see, the word marriage is not synonymous with the word wedding.

In other words, a beautiful wedding does not guarantee a beautiful marriage. There are plenty of couples who've had fairytale weddings but ended up later with disasterous marriages. So make sure you are preparing for marriage, not just a wedding.

Questions Christian couples should ask themselves when preparing for marriage:

• Have you both accepted Christ as Lord and Savior?

• Do you have marriage mentors or a marriage ministry at your church you can look to for support?

• Have you each prayed individually about getting married?

• If so, what is the spirit saying to you about marrying this person? If you're not sure, what do you feel in your gut?

• Why do you want to be married?

• Are you fearful of being alone?

• What is your definition of marriage?

• What unhealthy images of marriage have you been exposed to growing up that could negatively impact your marriage.

• Why do you believe this is the right person?

• Is now the right time to get married? The Bible says there is a season for everything. Is this the right season or are you forcing this to happen?

• What would be the benefits of waiting?

• What expectations do you have of your fiance' after you're married?

• What stereotypes do you hold about males/females?

• What stereotypes do you hold about marriage?

• Have you scheduled premarital counseling?

• Are you comfortable with your fiance's past history? That includes credit history, relationship history, and employment history. Past history is a good predictor of future behavior.

• How well do you know your fiance"?

If you are uncomfortable with your answers to any of the above questions, then the answer to your question "should I get married" may be no.

Sit down with your fiance' and go over these questions until the two of you are completely satisfied with the answers.

If you feel the need to postpone the wedding, remember it is better to postpone your wedding than it is to end up divorced later.