SAME OLD STORY FROM HUSBAND

by Diana
(Sagamore, Pa USA)

Question:
My husband has brought his OLD ACTIONS into his NEW LIFE as a christian. He has done things on purpose and than asks for forgiveness when I find out about them. He always says he has repented to God for his actions but always turns around and does it again. He always keeps secrets hoping I don't find out and when he is backed into a corner, he becomes honest. Before we were both saved, he was just like this and after he was saved, he said he was different and I believed him and forgave everything he has done. I have agreed to stay with him even though he continues these secrets and lies until last week when a MAJOR secret came out and I told him to find a place to live, I can't take anymore. I WILL NOT divorce him as it is against God. Please help..I know I am to forgive but he is going to keep doing this if I keep telling him I forgive him. It is like I am giving him, permission to do this.

Thank you and God Bless
Dee Scheller

Answer:

Hello Dee:

Our hearts go out to you regarding your situation. We pray our words will help you in some small way. The first thing we want to address is your husband's behavior. What many people don't understand is that repentance and forgiveness involves more than an apology and an acceptance of that apology. Both forgiveness and repentance are matters of the heart.

A person can say they have forgiven but still have resentment in their heart. Thereby, making the forgiveness of no effect. Likewise, a person can repent for sinning but really not be sorry. Thereby making the repentance of no effect. To repent means you make a decision to turn-away or turn-around from ungodly behavior. If a person says, "I repent" but continues down the same path refusing to turn-around, then true repentance has not taken place --only lip service.

So, while you may have truly forgiven your husband your husband has not truly repented. And as long as there is no true repentance, the sin will continue.

Your husband is operating under the false assumption that God does not know His heart. He mistakenly believes that as long as he says, "I'm sorry" then he has somehow satisfied God. But God has x-ray vision and can see right through us.

His lack of true repentance is not only destructive for your marital relationship, it can also be eternally destructive.

The Bible warns us in Hebrews 10:25-31 that if we knowingly continue to sin after (supposedly) accepting Salvation, we are in danger of hell's fire.

This is what it says:

"If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God.

Anyone who rejected the law of Moses died without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses.

How much more severely do you think a man deserves to be punished who has trampled the Son of God under foot, who has treated as an unholy thing the blood of the covenant that sanctified him, and who has insulted the Spirit of grace?

Vs. 31 It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God." NIV

Perhaps you should share these scriptures with your husband.

It is not uncommon for a man to claim salvation as a means to convincing his wife to take him back. This may be the case here as it does not appear your husband has a TRUE saving knowledge of who Jesus is or a real relationship with him.

Since your husband is already out of the home and we don't know the details of your relationship, i.e. adultery, abuse etc. We suggest you give him an opportunity to show you that there has been a HEART change. Don't accept lip service this time. A REAL heart change means a change of behavior. You see, there's no way a person can come in contact with Christ, accept him, and remain the same. The Bible says that if we are in Christ, we are new creatures; old things are pass away and all things become new.

You mentioned not divorcing because it would go against God. We just wanted to remind you that the word of God says if a husband or wife commits adultery, divorce is allowed (Matthew 19:9). If this is the case in your marriage, this is an option according to scripture.

Of course, we recommend you trust God to deliver your husband and restore your marriage. Once your husband has had a real change of heart, the two of you should seek Christian counseling. Counseling will NOT be effective until he accepts that he has a problem, and genuinely wants help with it. Currently, it appears he doesn't really want help, he wants you.

Maintain contact with your husband and continue to show him the love of God. Share the principles with him that we shared with you. Pray for him daily but spend the majority of your time focusing your attention on Christ.


If your desire is to reconcile with your husband, pray and ask God to give you wisdom and discernment to recognize your husband by his fruit. In the mean time, we stand in agreement with you concerning his salvation and pray that only God's perfect will would be done in your life.


Your Brother and Sister in Christ,
Mike and Wanda

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