My Husband is Sexually Passive

Posted by in Sex and Romance | 5 comments

sexually passive husband

My Husband is Sexually Passive

QUESTION: “We were both saved before our marriage. We’ve been married more than 30 years.  Our sex life has been unsatisfying for us both. He never initiates, asks, nor jumps in to ravish, nor does he do foreplay, nor sex talk… With him being so so passive and not doing anything, nothing much happens. He often is too limp to proceed. Or even though I’m not ready, I’ll let him just so he can climax and go to sleep. I have been very clear, that I am interested in making love, but that I need him to make a direct move or pass…not be like a 90 year old man shuffling down the hall with his walker.”


First of all, I applaud you for having the courage to be honest with your husband. Many wives shy away from sharing how they really feel and avoid having hard conversations. Telling your husband that he’s not satisfying you sexually is a hard place to go.  What’s even worse is having to continually have that conversation for years. ((((HUGS GO HERE)))


However, where sexual passivity is concerned, understanding the WHY is paramount in understanding the HOW.  For instance, some men are passive by nature and others are sexually passive because of emotional issues that are the result of things they’ve experienced in their pasts.


Both groups can improve, but they each have separate paths of resolution.  While a husband who is passive by nature may be able to improve over time with lots of coaching and encouragement from his wife, a husband who is sexually passive because of emotional deficiencies will need the help of a professional counselor.


Sexually Passive


Assuming your husband doesn’t have emotional issues, my suggestion is that you fight for the intimacy that you desire by taking the lead in this situation.  If you settle for a sub-par sex life by allowing him to pleasure himself just so that he can go to sleep quickly, and because you’re tired of having the same conversation, then you end up contributing to the problem.


There’s an old saying that says we teach people how to treat us, and this is true even in marriage.  Our husbands don’t automatically know how to please us sexually, and some men (for a number of reasons) are naturally passive.


As women we think, “He should know what to do without me having to tell him!” I’m guilty of that, but that type of thinking is flawed.  We girls have to do more than just show up with a bag full of expectations.  If a wife is unsatisfied, it’s up to her to not just inform but teach her husband how to satisfy her.  Contrary to what is seen in the movies,  it’s not the sole responsibility of the husband to make sure sex is satisfying.



You’ve been waiting for your husband to change for a long time, and I feel your frustration.  But why not take a different approach?  Take the responsibility from him and make your sexual satisfaction your responsibility.  I know…It doesn’t sound romantic at all, but at the end of the night, all that matters is that you are BOTH satisfied–even if it’s by your own design.


I’ll give you some ideas, but I want to encourage you to begin thinking outside of the traditional box and come up with a plan of action.  Then, work your plan until your plan starts working for you!  That means you can’t give up or give in because your husband’s not getting it.  Stick with it no matter how annoyed you get.  Doing so shows him that this is REALLY important to you.  Giving up as a result of frustration reinforces to him that it’s not that big of a deal, and it ensures your displeasure for the remainder of your marriage.


Here are some out-of-the-box ideas and suggestions if your husband is sexually passive. Remember, seek professional counseling if you suspect that there are emotional or psychological deficiencies. 


sexually passive




Instead of waiting for him to ravish you, become the ravisher.  As much as women enjoy being taken, an often ignored fact is that men do too.  Tease your husband all throughout the day but put off making love until you’re ready.  When neither of you can take it any more–ravish him!


sexually passive




Purchase a timer and call it your Foreplay Timer.  Set the timer before foreplay begins and advise your husband that foreplay can’t stop until the timer goes off. But do remember, foreplay isn’t just for you.  If you want your husband to be ready, be sure to give him the foreplay that he needs. In other words, it’s a two way street.


sexually passive




Have designated nights for sex.  It sounds cold and calculated but it really does work!  It did for us :). Take it a step further and designate an initiator for specific nights. Meaning, you initiate on certain nights and he initiates on other nights.  On the nights that you initiate, you do what he wants.  On the nights that he initiates, he does what you want.


sexually passive




Be flexible and open to the idea of being THE Initiator all of the time.  Some women find that this works better because it gives them more control over making love when their feeling it— if you know what I mean.


sexually passive




Send your husband sext messages ahead of time.  Say something like, If you do this to me tonight (fill in the blank), I’ll do (fill in the blank) for you tonight.


sexually passive




Start a Sex Book Club just for the two of you.  Visit book stores together and purchase a different sex book once every other month or so.   Then schedule time to read the book together.  The point, of course, is to practice what you learn.





  1. confront your cheating spouse with evidence,i was able to spy on my cheating husband phone without finding out… really helped me during my divorce ….you can contact ( h a c k s e c r e t e @ g m a i l. c o m )​ ​for spying and hacking social networks, school servers, icloud and much more,viber chats hack, Facebook messages and yahoo messenger,calls log and spy call recording, monitoring SMS text messages remotely,cell phone GPS location tracking, spy on Whats app Messages,his services are cheap.. and please tell him i referred you to him he is a man with a heart of GOLD.

  2. Hello Patty,
    As I came to browse through this website after seeing some of their videos on youtube now I saw your post.
    I feel for you so I share quickly things I think can help.
    Sexuality often affected by eating habits. Just as health is affected by what we eat and health issues have effect on our sex life the same is true for sex-drive and potential.
    Many issues can be helped just by the right nutrition intake and avoiding food which would decrease sexual activity.

    Please research this deeply and know that even cancer can be totally eliminated by a diet which does not provide cancer cells with glucose. The same type of diet can help your husband too.

    If you need any more information on this I will gladly help if the site owner allows me to give you my email. Or you can get in touch with them and they can forward my email to you.

    Wish you all the best with love.

  3. My husband as been passive when it comes to sex because he’s a passive person overall. And I think he’s felt guilt for many, many years about masturbating as a teen and young adult when he was now a Christian. We are still working to overcome this guilt because now we are married and he is free to enjoy sex without needing to feel guilt. He’s had issues with premature ejaculation and now some 20 years into our marriage it’s now maintaining an erection. It’s caused a lot of frustration on both our parts but as I, the wife, continue to be patient and encouraging, it’s really been a big help to him in overcoming these issues. I have hope for us!

  4. My husband and I are both in our 60’s. At about 40, having a full and active love life, he began to loose the ability to stay erect. We thought it was because of the fact that he had acid re flux. Twenty years later, he cannot get an erection at all. And his male genitalia has shriveled. I would attempt to please him, but it makes me sad. We used to have a really wonderful sex life. We used to make love every day. I had said I love him through thick and thin, health and sickness. But I do miss it. is There hope for us?

  5. wow i have loved this site and got the answer to my question thanks.
    this juliet Manana married with two kids been having the same problem

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This

Share This

Share this page with your friends!